Holding On to Let Go
by Kane Lam
Summary: Shepard and Liara romance: Falling in love means carrying shared burdens, for better or worse. One is freed from the past and another introduced to the means of a darker future. Violence and language. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Holding On to Let Go**

**Writers Note: Just a brief intro to give you an idea of what I hope to accomplish.  
Writing this story I have two goals in mind. **

**One is to really work on my "show, don't tell" problems that I have by trying much harder to let description and dialogue tell the story rather than narrative. To do that, I hope to write a series of stories, starting from the beginning here, that focus on a particular Shepard and her issues that define her command style as well as her relationships. Ultimately, I hope to, in ****short**** order, bring this up to date with the events of ME 2. Whether I succeed at my tasks is entirely up to the reader and ANY reviews or comments would be appreciated, especially in light of my previous stories. **

**This tale and "Through a Looking Glass Darkly" are my experiments at improving my writing style and hopefully creating more compelling portraits of these beloved characters.**

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Liara looked anxiously around the mess room on the Normandy, a full tray in hand. It was dinner time and the crew was gathered, their usually strict military personas now fallen away. The full human social experience could be viewed in this place as one could see everything from boisterous laughing in one corner to the most secretive whispers being exchanged in another. This was life aboard ship for the men and women of the Normandy. Well, at least the human ones.

She had just arrived aboard after being saved by Commander Shepard on the fiery world of Therum, and not only did she stick out like a "fish out of water" among the crew, a phrase she learned from Kaiden, but also she had the stigma of being the daughter of a Matriarch associated with their enemy Saren. Her unfamiliarity with the social graces of mankind also added to her problems, all of which now conspired to make the seemingly simple choice of where to seat herself seem like the most difficult and complex decision she had to make in her life thus far.

Scanning her nervous eyes from left to right, across views of young and bright faces all seemingly entangled in conversations both frivolous and weighty, she finally saw a glimmer of a hope as to where to plant herself. There sitting in a far corner was another "fish out of water", a suited Quarian female fidgeting with what looked to be a tube of nutrition paste. Her hands were attempting to find a way to open the brown, colored tube, ostensibly that shade as to represent the "meatloaf and gravy" flavor that was contained within.

Liara approached cautiously, between the rows of seated humans, as if afraid at any moment she would be assaulted by an unfriendly glare or a cruel remark. To her surprise all the people she passed by seemed more interested in discussing the latest extranet release or why a certain male had not 'dated' in three years than paying any attention to the self-conscious asari.

She exhaled as she finally reached the table of the Quarian, expressing her satisfaction after passing through what she expected would be a terrible gauntlet.

"Greetings. I am Dr. Liara T'Soni. I was hoping I might sit with you?" she said in the friendliest voice she could muster.

The Quarian did not respond immediately, her attention seemingly fixed on unraveling the challenge before her. Her long, agile fingers looked clumsy now as so a simple a task seemed beyond her.

"You bosh'tet!" she said in frustration, dropping the tube on the table in surrender.

"I can help you with that, if you'd like" Liara offered with a forced smile, doing her best to seem approachable.

The Quarian finally turned her attention to her, a pair of glowing eyes flaring ever so briefly beneath her helmet as if the female were scanning Liara as to ascertain her trustworthiness.

"Hm, maybe. I am Tali. Tali'Zora nar Rayya. I would say it's nice to meet you but I am very, very hungry…"

Liara sat, plopping her tray firmly across from her new friend. She reached over and grabbed the hastily discarded tube and looked at the small, printed instructions on its side.

"Please pull this tab to open" it read.

With a quick motion of her hand, the top of the tube fell off and rolled on the table before her.

Tali stared at the top as it helplessly made small circles on the flat surface before her.

"Well. Directions. Yes, I guess those are important," the Quarian said meekly.

Liara smiled.

"So, I noticed you were sitting alone…" she winced at the awkwardness of her own question.

"The crew is nice enough, but humans talk about odd things when they are together in large groups," Tali began as if unfazed by Liara's directness, "Some of it is kind of…well, gross. I once sat between a gathering of soldiers and heard the intimate details of human mating acts." Tali said as she shuddered at the thought.

"That can be…unpleasant I am sure"

"Tell me about it. It all seems so messy with all sorts of fluid exchange in orifices here and there. Not very sanitary, if you ask me" Tali said.

Perhaps some of the human brusqueness had rubbed off on the Quarian woman, as Liara thought even those words were too much information.

"Um, yes. Ah, how are you getting along in your sleeping area?" Liara said, desperately trying to change the subject.

For a time, they engaged in pleasant small talk. Tali had a lot to say about the engineering of the ship, its amazing craftsmanship and how excited she was to be a part of something like this. She spoke of her Pilgrimage and its purpose to her people.

Liara listened intently, pleased to be making a new friend and her anxiety about her position aboard ship began to fade away.

The door leading to the eating area swung open, and suddenly everyone's attention shifted to the figure now engaged in preparing a tray.

Liara felt a slight stirring in her being, but she could not quite name it. Similar to her excited interest when she found an artifact of great historical worth, but with a tinge of something else…more than just academic but…

The woman began to approach, a cocky grin seemingly painted on her face. Liara had formed very few opinions on human appearance, but even to her inexperienced eyes the person before her had an intense, almost breathtaking beauty. She had wavy, dark hair, part of which gently cascaded down in front of one of her eyes. Her skin had the appearance of porcelain; her eyes were narrow and slanted with a look of worldliness about them but retaining a remnant of playfulness within. She had full lips, uncolored with any sort of make up as was the rest of her face. She was a natural and striking image, so gentle and seemingly fragile in its exquisiteness. The only indication this was a warrior before them was the long scar that ran from her cheek to just above her right eyebrow. Even then, it only added to her charm, her magnetism.

She was coming towards Liara and her new friend. She passed by the respectful faces of her crew without acknowledging them, as if she was so focused on a task before her. She stopped, still wearing her self-assuredness on her face with a full tray being upheld by both hands.

"Well, am I allowed to join this exclusive club of exceptional and talented women?" she said in a voice that was deep and rich with experience and the confidence that came with that.

Liara and Tali looked at each other, almost as if unsure how they should respond to so simple a question.

"Hm, am I not allowed to sit with you, then?" the woman said with an exaggerated pout.

Liara was suddenly was gripped by fear that she had done something terribly rude. Had she offended the woman before her?

"Ah! I apologize Commander Shepard, it is just that…well, it is just that…" Liara said, stumbling over her words.

"We are surprised you'd sit over here with us, is all" Tali finally said, rescuing Liara from her clumsiness.

The Commander smiled and without waiting for further confirmation sat down right next to Liara. For a soldier, Shepard certainly did not neglect her feminine side when off duty. Her scent wafted over to the asari's nose and she could not help but be surprised by how good she smelled. It was a mix she didn't recognize but her sense acknowledged it was very pleasing.

"Why shouldn't I sit with the two newest members of my crew? I haven't had a chance to get to know either of you and I saw an opportunity to do so outside of getting shot at and having full-grown Krogan charge us" Shepard said with a smile.

The woman had a natural air of authority about her. It was reflected even in the way she sat. Tall, back straight all very prim and proper as if being in charge was just part of her being, whether of a ship or of a dinner table. It was very intimidating.

"How are you two getting along aboard ship? No trouble, I hope?" Shepard said.

"It is very exciting!" Tali said, overflowing with a youthful enthusiasm, "but all very quiet, really. Only at eating times are there noises that help me remember…well, remember home. Usually it is too quiet…"

"Oh? I imagine the Migrant Fleet is full of activity. I hope you get used it, but as you can see we humans can be VERY loud when we want to be!" Shepard said as she gestured to the chattering crowd behind them. She then turned to the one sitting next to her, focusing her eyes straight at the target of her next inquiry.

Under the gaze of the Commander, Liara felt like a withering flower under a hot sun. She peeked out of the corner of her eye towards the human, but felt if she would turn her head completely and look into those deep eyes she would be drawn into them and say something terribly stupid.

"So, Dr. T'Soni, tell me, is your living situation suitable? I apologize that the back of the Med Bay is not quite as fitting for someone of your credentials"

"Oh nothing to apologize for, Commander" Liara said, still facing away from Shepard, "it is small, but comfortable. I can just manage to squeeze into my bed well enough"

"I'd offer a renowned Prothean expert my own quarters if it would help, but I am unsure if you'd like my choice of decorations"

Liara was unsure if the Commander was being nice or implying something else altogether, but her face suddenly felt as if it was on fire.

"Then again, I probably am too small to fit into your room's bed should we switch anyway…"

Ah, she had jumped to conclusions. Why was her mind treading down roads that were so…well, irrational? The Commander was merely being kind and making conversation. What is wrong with you, Liara?

After a time of talking with one another, Tali finally stood and excused herself, being tired and ready to get to bed. Liara wondered what she should do now, or what the protocol was for when someone sitting across from you leaves. She should stay sitting next to the Commander or move to the other side? Her mind went through different scenarios attempting to choose the best course of action. Why was she approaching such decisions with a ridiculous level of detail?

"Well, it looks like it is just us," said the Commander.

"Ah, yes." She responded.

"Well, Liara. I like to get to know my crew. Tell me about yourself"

Liara thought for a moment. What could she say? She was only 106 years old, very inexperienced among her people. Most of her life thus far had been training and classes preparing for the balance of her existence. That or sitting alone in dark and dusty locales looking for long forgotten clues to the Prothean's secrets while occasionally making stops in civilization for resupply.

"Well, Commander…"

"You can call me Sheena"

"Ah, well…Sheena" she said struggling with the informality of the Commander's first name, "Well there is not much to say really. I haven't lived a very interesting life so far, being just a Maiden"

"A Maiden? I see. Well, I would disagree, as someone of your knowledge and expertise does not gain such without having some adventures and interesting characteristics"

"Well, recently on a few digs…"

Liara began to tell of her recent finds and exploration. Before she knew it she was becoming very animated, the excitement of her excavations flooding back to her with their retelling. She didn't even notice how the rest of the people in the room slowly began to depart until, some time later, it was just her and Shepard sitting alone. The Commander listening, Liara talking.

"It is amazing to think how incredibly advanced such a people could be and how seemingly quickly they could disappear, a great mystery that has kept me enthralled for quite awhile…" Liara said, winding down after a particularly long monologue. She suddenly became very aware that she had talked for nearly two hours, with only the smallest chance for Shepard to speak. Even so, 'Sheena' had retained an interested look in her eyes, nodding, asking the occasional question showing her engagement in the conversation.

"I had not heard much of the Prothean's but the occasional myth and fairytale. I hope eventually whatever happened in my head thanks to the Beacon will be able to help us. Help YOU, really considering your interest" Shepard said.

"That's not my only interest in you!" Liara exclaimed.

Shepard raised an eyebrow and Liara suddenly realized the insinuation she had unknowingly made in her statement.

"Ah, I mean, I am interested in you. You, as a person I mean. Your person-ality. Your…" Liara was frantic now, trying to backpedal furiously to a point before she made a fool of herself.

Shepard gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You needn't worry, I understand what you mean" she said.

"Oh, I am glad. I feel terribly embarrassed. I have been trying to find out more about you. To get to know you better, you see. I have read your history and…"

Suddenly it seemed as if a dark cloud passed over the Commander's face. Her hand pulled away and she fixed her eyes on Liara.

"My history?" she said without a hint of emotion.

"Yes, your history as recorded in your personnel files"

Shepard turned her face, looking straight ahead and away from Liara. She seemed distracted.

"So, what did you find Dr. T'Soni?"

"Admittedly not much. Just that you were born on Earth and…well, that you were involved in some, hm" Liara stopped, realizing far too late where her train of thought was taking her.

"Some what?"

"Well, you had some, uh, issues growing up"

"Issues?"

"I…I am sorry to bring it up. I have been stupid. It's not my business"

"You are right, it really isn't," Shepard said coldly, "If you want to know something about me, ASK me. If I don't tell you, then it isn't for YOU to know"

The words rang in Liara's ears. Why couldn't she think before she spoke?

There was a silence in the room, heavy with unknown thoughts in Shepard's head and regret churning in Liara.

Finally, Shepard stood, grabbing her now empty tray.

"I will see you later, Dr. T'Soni" she said coolly.

"Commander I…" Liara began, but stopped as the Commander gave her a rather icy look, "I…I will look forward to talking to you again" she said hopefully.

With that, she found herself alone again. She stared at her empty plate in frustration.

"Oh, Liara, why can't you just shut-up sometimes?" she muttered to herself.

For a few more moments she sat by herself, reflecting on how sour a note that evening had ended. As bad as it went, she still felt very…compelled to talk to the Commander again. She just hoped she had not ruined any chance of knowing such an interesting woman.

Sheena Shepard made her way back to her quarters. She caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror and stopped to look upon herself, though not out of vanity. She ran her fingers over the scar on her face as touching it would bring all her other senses to life with memory. She began to see the same, familiar imagery that had produced so deep a wound.

Then, in a quick motion, she smashed the mirror with her fist, causing blood to begin pouring from several wounds caused by such action. She stood there and looked down at the sink, watching as her blood dripped on broken glass and swirled down into a void. The pitter patter of each droplet and the now increasing pain in her hand were minor annoyances compared to what was happening in her head.

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**Well, it a start folks. A bit slow, but I can't drop a nuclear bomb within the first chapter. I could, but it wouldn't make a hell of a lot of sense. Let me know what you think. Hope to see you again in Chapter 2.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

She was dreaming again. She always knew when she was dreaming, but she could do little about it.

At first it was just feelings, sensations now bitterly familiar. Loss, powerlessness, and the grim realization she was living through this again. She saw a woman, her eyes closed as if she were sleeping peacefully. The wound to hear head told a different story. Then she saw herself. She was smaller then, just a teenager. She felt the knife run across her cheek, cold steel against warm flesh, the tearing open of her skin, and the warm feeling of blood trickling down to her neck. She felt the hot breath of her attacker on her face, his hateful words being punctuated with his spit hitting her.

This was the part she hated. Wake up! Wake up, damn it! She saw familiar faces now. Some of them she had called friends. She heard them laughing, the hateful chorus of their voices.

Wake up, Sheena! Not this again. She was thrashing now, flailing in anger. She felt powerful arms holding her. In those days she was weak, her blows merely moving air around and causing no damage. Why was she so pathetic? Why did she feel like that again?

Suddenly, with a start she awoke, clinging to her sheets tightly. She looked around, ensuring that she truly was somewhere else and it was all just a terrible dream. Pulling herself up, she was reminded of the reality of her situation by the pounding pain in her hand, now wrapped with bandages.

Some things she couldn't leave behind, it seems. Not even on this ship, not even on this mission.

She wouldn't risk sleeping anymore tonight. Running her fingers through her hair, now wet with perspiration, she decided to get up and find something to occupy her. Anything would do right now during this late hour.

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Shepard wasn't the only one up late that night. It had been a few days since Liara and Sheena had spoken, the latter having been gone on a mission for a time. Liara found herself occupied with research of both a personal and professional nature.

Scrolling down through mountains of text, her eyes now grew weary. She yawned and stretched, attempting to give her weary body some rejuvenation. The data on Protheans she had been reading, while possibly important, was also terribly dry even to her. With the tap of a finger she switched windows on her screen and now another record appeared before her.

A pang of guilt ran through Liara, but her curiosity pushed her onward. Information was like food to her, and when she found herself lacking such about a subject that interested her, she felt pains like those of a great hunger she needed to satiate.

"There's hardly anything here to look at" she said with disappointment.

The record was typical of so many she had seen before. Date of birth, gender, as if she couldn't have figured that out on her own, recorded places of residence, and so on and so forth. All demographic information, all just dates, numbers and locations without the substance Liara sought. She combed through the record as if some nugget of information would reveal themselves.

She loved a challenge. Seemingly boring and inconsequential data, when looked at together, could paint a powerful narrative. It was her strategy when working with Prothean history and she thought she could apply the same philosophy to a single person.

Here was something. Educational history, largely blank from the ages of eight to sixteen. There were notes on a possible criminal record, but the details had been expunged and only dates and vague descriptions remained. This wasn't the work of the military, just normal procedure on Earth, or so Liara understood.

She continued to scroll, shaking her leg trying to keep her body active. Suddenly, she stopped.

A name. Listed as sibling in a buried article towards the bottom. The name was unfamiliar, but it clearly said she was the sister of the current record. "Sandy" Sun-Lopez. A hyphenated name, perhaps indicating two clans or parental lineage? Liara would have to look into that, as she knew little of human naming schemes or what the cultural differences were. She clicked a link leading to several related news stories.

"Fate of Missing Woman Unknown, Police Fear Worst" read a headline.

"Drug Deal Gone Bad Suspected in Disappearance of Lower Wards Woman"

"Dark Past May Have Led to Woman's Disappearance"

Liara scanned the stories but they were inconclusive and stopped after a few weeks. It seems the news organizations in the area lost interest fairly quickly and the case was never solved. There were a few more related links. She could even peruse the police reports if she wanted to. Yet, she suddenly felt like a terribly intrusive person. Why couldn't she stop herself?

Pulling herself away from her screen, she thought she might go downstairs and check on her equipment. She hadn't been out on a mission with the squad in awhile and was hoping her terrible social mannerisms hadn't made Shepard doubt her abilities. She might as well be ready for whatever came next, anyway.

The ships lights were dimmer in sections, indicating a "night cycle" that was taking place. Most of the crew wouldn't be awake for another five hours. Liara followed the directional lights on the floor to make her way to the elevator. She saw the glow of sleeping pods, each containing a now dreaming person. She wondered why she wasn't doing the same.

As the elevator door opened on the lower deck, before her was the sight of the Mako, looking like a resting behemoth. It was dark even down here, but at least she would be alone. She approached the lockers and suddenly heard noises, low muttering and movement.

"Damn it!" someone said. Following that there was the sound of a metallic clink and then the noise of several small objects hitting and rolling upon the ground.

"Ashley, is that you?" Liara said, imaging the Chief was up late and taking her usual place with the weapons below decks.

Suddenly the noises stopped, and everything was eerily silent as if some thief had been caught and was analyzing their options of escape.

"Who's there?" a voice responded.

"It…it's me. Liara T'Soni" she said, hoping that whoever it was wouldn't be terribly put off by her late night bumbling.

The sounds of some sort of mechanical work began again and there were no more words from the mysterious person. Liara began to move forward slowly and carefully, wondering who she was about to discover had insomnia as she did. A low light was emanating from the corner where the weapons and equipment lockers were. There was a shadowy figure, whose form was flickering with their movements. Suddenly a face came into view that caused Liara to stop in her tracks. It was Commander Shepard.

The woman's hair was tied behind her head; her clothes were casual and plain. Her attention was fixed upon a disassembled assault rifle, the object of her struggle.

"So I am not the only one burning the midnight oil, huh?" Shepard said, still focused on the weapon before her.

"It seems not. I hope I have not disturbed you" Liara responded. She was very careful with her words as not to lead any potential conversation down an unfortunate road as she had done before.

Shepard sighed and stood up, putting the rifle on a table as well as dropping several parts that were no longer attached to it.

"Well, serves me right for fooling around. I'll leave this for Ashley to fix, though she'll be pissed at me" Shepard said with a smirk.

Liara caught herself staring and tried to recover quickly. Her mental abilities were not at their highest point right now and she struggled to find some icebreaker or conversation starter to keep Shepard with her.

"Ah, so how are you Shepard?" she said, while at the same time feeling the instinct to smack herself on the head for such an amazingly smooth question.

"I'm good. Same soup, reheated on a different day"

Soup? Liara really needed to work on her human phrases.

"How about yourself, Doctor T'Soni? Managing to keep busy?" Shepard said.

Liara wondered how she should respond. She had been a little frustrated by the fact she had not been out in the field for awhile.

"Well, I am fine…I am eager to be with you"

Shepard's eyes grew wide and her cheeks become red.

"I, I, I mean I am eager to be with you on a mission! I, ah…hm. I feel like I am not using my full abilities just on the ship, is what I meant"

The Commander smiled and shook her head.

"I know you aren't. You are a biotic of great skill, something I can confirm with my own eyes. I didn't know if you desired that kind of 'action' though and, as our expert on the Protheans, putting you into the line of enemy fire seems a bit dangerous" Shepard said.

"I can fight well enough. I had to defend myself several times on my excavations and am used to danger. Anyway, I'd be with you, so I wouldn't have to worry too much"

It took a moment for the intimacy of such a statement to sink into Liara's mind. Perhaps it wasn't such a good time to talk after all, with all of her words hinting towards things she didn't necessarily intend.

"Well, Liara. Perhaps I have been unfair to you. Next time you will accompany me and we shall put those powers to the test" Shepard said.

Liara smiled at the opportunity to prove herself. Benezia had raised her to be more than a wallflower, and more than even that she wanted to impress the Commander.

"Well, it is late perhaps we should both try to get some rest" Shepard said, beginning to walk away.

As if by instinct, Liara reached and grabbed the Commander's arm. She was surprised by her own boldness.

"Commander, I wanted to apologize for our conversation a few days ago. I was…out of line discussing those things so openly without consulting with you"

Shepard's face revealed little about her thoughts. She stood for a moment, looking right into Liara's eyes. For minutes that seemed to stretch into eternity, they simply looked at one another, both attempting to read each other's intentions and feelings towards one another.

"Liara, we all have things in our past that we'd rather never have happened. We all have things we wish would just…well, that are part of us but we'd want to remain buried. I just get sensitive to that sometimes because I think people judge me not on who I am now but who I used to be" Shepard said.

Liara saw a great sadness come over Shepard. She had pensive look in her eyes, as if now she were seeing beyond the present and into an age that brought her no pleasure.

Softly squeezing the Commander's arm, Liara tried her best to bring comfort to the seemingly vulnerable woman.

"Shepard, I'd like to get to know the person you are now, if you'd let me. I would like to think we could be, well, friends. We have such a task ahead of us that maybe we could help each other through whatever comes" Liara said, her eyes glistening with a tightly held hope that her desire would be reciprocated.

"Friends?" Shepard said wistfully, "I don't have many friends, Liara. I find it hard to make them and harder still to keep them. True friendships come through fire and most never survive that. We will see your character tested as well as mine in the days ahead. You may find that you will no longer desire such a relationship with me. For that, I would not blame you"

"I'd like to try then, Shepard, if you'll let me"

"It's Sheena to you, for a start then, Liara" Shepard responded with a faint smile on her lips.

"Sheena it is then. I have not many friends either and you may find ME a great burden as well with all my…well, lack of knowledge about your species and…other things. I hope we can learn from each other and become…a comfort to one another"

It seemed both were delicately dancing around some unstated and secretive goal that was beginning to bubble in their beings. Their words bobbed and weaved, each seemingly poking and prodding for a response that would give the other hope of something they dare not want openly. Their eyes scanned each others faces, still seeking meaning behind each other's words.

"It is late, Liara" Shepard finally said.

Liara nodded and let her grip loosen. Shepard began to walk away towards the elevator.

"Goodnight, Sheena. I look forward to seeing what the fire makes of us" Liara said, her tiredness not preventing her from giving a wide smile.

The Commander paused and looked back for but a moment, then continued on.

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**Note: We are still ascending that mountain towards climax, ever slowly but surely. I wanted to use this story to show a side of both Liara and Shepard that I think people miss. So often people ascribe human emotions to Liara so easily, forgetting the complexity that comes from her being an alien species. I hope to begin to show some subtleties that play into where the game has taken their relationship as well. As always, reviews are appreciated.**

**Stay with me folks. It is going to be an interesting ride, I think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I have no editors for this, just little old me, so sometimes even though I reread my stories three times over, I miss things. I correct them as I go, so this is a very "organic" story. Forgive any small errors I may have let slip by my net...I will catch them eventually :)**

**Chapter 3**

It was hard to say Liara was "excited" about going into combat, but she was nevertheless eager to show her abilities. Shepard fulfilled her promise and began taking her out more often on various missions. More than that, the Commander began to open up. It wasn't unusual for Shepard and Liara to spend time together just talking during off times. Sometimes they'd catch each other in the hallway, other times they would sit in the mess as they had done earlier. Also, thanks to her bravery being exhibited in combat, the crew of the Normandy began to accept Liara as one of their own.

It was during one particularly raucous dinner after a mission on Feros that Liara found herself sitting amongst the crew, all of them eager to recount the squad's recent adventures on that planet.

"It was a hell of a fight, but Shepard kept her cool and most all of the colonists survived," Ashley said. The woman had called over Liara to sit with her and a table full of young men and women who kept the Normandy running smoothly.

"I heard our Doctor T'Soni kicked some serious ass, too!" a man said.

"Tenacious as a bulldog!" another said.

Liara was unsure how to take the comparison to a squat, wrinkly canine. Her face twisted in confusion.

"Oh, they don't mean it as an insult," Ashley said, leaning in to speak to Liara, "they mean you are loyal and ferocious, especially when it comes to helping the Commander"

Loyal and ferocious? Liara smiled. She could live with that description.

"It's good Shepard has you watching her back," began a young, baby faced man whose voice was surprisingly high pitched, almost as if he were still a teenager maturing. "They said you saved the Commander from a swarm of those Creeper-things. You blew them up with your bare hands and flashes of biotics!" As he said that, he began to move his fists excitedly, shadowboxing with the air in an attempt to illustrate his story.

"Yeah, they say you stuck REAL close to her," began a blonde crewmember, a devilish grin spreading across his face, "good to know you are out there keeping a REAL good eye on her back!" As he finished his sentence he brought a large mug of coffee to his mouth, an attempt to conceal how obviously pleased he was with his words.

Ashley shook her head in disapproval and a few of those sitting around them exchanged glances and a few smirks as if they all were in on some delicious secret.

Liara had gotten better at interacting with humans, and understood a lot of what they called "good natured ribbing". It was a way to build camaraderie, or so the documents she had read told her. Even so, she wasn't about to let the man's comment slide.

A smug look came across her face and she leaned forward towards the man, raising her hand and gently running her fingers across his chin.

"Well," Liara began, using her deepest and most seductive voice, "maybe one day you can keep a good eye on someone's 'back' without having to pay for it" she said while winking.

The crowd went silent for a moment in shock at the comeback, and then suddenly burst into a roar of laughter and clapping.

"She just knocked you down a few pegs there, buddy!" Ashley said through her laughter. She threw an arm around Liara's neck and shook her in congratulations.

"Damn, she got you! She's right as well! We all know where your money goes on shore leave!" yelled someone in the distance.

More laughter rose from those assembled.

The target of Liara's barb lowered his head in defeat, his face red with embarrassment. You could see his ego deflating as he spoke. "Well, shit, now even the asari is zinging me"

Liara was happy. Despite the seriousness of the mission dealing with Saren, Geth, and potential extinction, she felt like she was at least making a home amongst those who she was fighting with.

Suddenly Joker's voice broke the convivial atmosphere in the room.

"Doctor T'Soni, the Commander requests your assistance in her quarters. Seems to be pretty urgent!" he said. His voice betrayed a certain amusement, but at least he refrained from a snide remark.

The room Liara was in went silent, her face became flush and she could barely contain a smile on her face.

"Well, Liara" Ashley said, "You'd better get up there"

Everyone in the room was staring at her. Liara slowly rose and began to walk away. She heard hushed voices behind her and then a few chuckles. She didn't care, though.

As Liara entered Shepard's room, she was treated to a shocking sight. The commander was sitting on the edge of her bed, reeling in pain. Her armor was thrown on the floor, some of it splattered with dark red splotches. Sheena was using large scissors to cut away at a leg of her the suit that she wore under all that protective gear. It was sticking to her, wet with her own blood.

"I got hit, Liara. One of those colonists got me with a shotgun blast. It's just the leg, but I need your help to take care of this…" Shepard said, her face pale and dripping with sweat.

"Oh, Sheena! Why don't we get Dr. Chakwas…"

"No! She has other things to deal with. We can handle this together, just listen to my instructions"

Shepard was right. Garrus had gone out on the mission with them to Feros and took a few bad hits. Broken bones and other wounds had him laid up in the Med Bay and he was taking quite a bit of the good doctor's time.

"Go into my desk. There is a bottle of disinfectant, some vials of a BLUE liquid and some syringes. Get some towels from the bathroom too…."

Liara quickly jumped to her tasks. As she opened Shepard's desk, she found quite a few interesting objects, but quickly shook herself out of her natural curiosity and grabbed what she needed. Next to the blue vials were bright red ones. She recognized immediately the name on the side of them. They were powerful stimulants. Most of the time they were highly regulated because of their addictive properties, but someone of Shepard's rank could get them relatively easily. A look of concern passed over Liara's face, but she had other things to attend to.

Grabbing clean towels from the bathroom she came to Shepard just as the leg of her pants finally fell open, revealing a bloody, open wound.

"Hand me the bottle of disinfectant…" Shepard said.

Liara complied and the Commander took her scissors and poked several holes in the top of it. She began to spray it on the wound, grimacing at the pain the liquid's contact with open flesh caused. She then grabbed a syringe, of which she had quite the supply laid out next to her.

"Vial!" she said. Liara grabbed one of the containers of blue liquid and handed it to Shepard. With a swift motion, the commander placed a new syringe into the vial, drawing the blue solution into it. With a quick tap against its point, she plunged the needle near the wound, injecting what Liara assumed was something to numb the raw and open skin.

"There are still fragments in there. We'll have to clean it out and then I can remove them. Afterwards, medi-gel should speed up recovery…" Shepard said.

Suddenly, the injured woman began to remove her shirt. Liara's heart began to beat quickly and against her will. She felt ashamed that some part of her was getting, well, excited by this.

What is wrong with you Liara?! Now is not the time for butterflies!

Shepard sensed something of Liara's feelings.

"You aren't bashful are you? I am assuming we have the same parts and I need you to help me clean this wound out…" she said, a weak smile on her lips.

Liara shook her head quickly. There were both women. What could possibly happen?

"Alright then, help me up. Start running the warm water…"

Shepard placed her arm over Liara's shoulders and used her for support as they walked slowly towards the shower. Pressing a button against the gray walls of the bathroom, a small ledge for sitting shot out, conveniently placed right under where water would pour out. Shepard sat, now naked, and Liara turned the water on. Steam slowly began to rise as the temperature of the water increased and there the wounded woman sat, eyes closed and blood rushing down her leg and circling the drain below, disappearing.

Liara watched her from a distance, noticing the woman wincing in pain. She thought talking to her might help.

"Sheena, you are quite adept at taking care of yourself…"

The commander turned, opening a single eye. "In this business, Liara, you have to be. There won't always be a doctor or medi-gel around. Having the skills to treat wounds and injuries can mean the different between limping home or losing a limb and even dying"

Liara nodded in agreement. She needed to do more to help Shepard. She felt drawn to her in this moment of weakness. Rolling up the sleeves of her suit, already stained with Sheena's blood, she approached and sat herself down right next to her. She felt the warm water hitting her, permeating the fabric of her clothes.

"Ah, Liara! You are going to get all wet!" Shepard said in protest.

Liara didn't respond. She just placed her arm around her and gently pulled the commander towards her. Shepard responded by leaning into her embrace.

"Thank you," she said.

Liara began to run her hands through the resting woman's hair. Shepard seemed to respond to the tenderness of her touch as the pace of her breathing became deeper, more relaxed. She moved her head closer to Liara's neck, nuzzling herself there.

Liara swallowed deeply. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. Shepard's face was so close to hers now. Using her other arm, she placed it around the commander's torso, drawing her near. The places where Liara's body came into contact with Sheena's seemed felt as if they were aflame, a conflagration the spread throughout her body. Slowly she turned her head to face the commander's before her. She brushed her check against Sheena's in and up and down motion, fanning the flames that were already burning.

What are you doing Liara? Her head felt light. She felt instinct pushing aside rational thought. Her body was telling her to do things while her mind was saying it was the wrong time. She couldn't stop herself though. Her hands began to massage Shepard's skin and now her nose was against hers.

Sheena must have been feeling the same way. Liara felt her breathing now quicken, short almost desperate sounding. She moved her face to where their lips were now brushing against each other. So close they could almost taste one another.

Liara had completely lost herself now. Any remnant of her logical scientific side receded into nothing. The innate need for intimate contact was now in full control. Her hands were now gripping Shepard tightly. She began to move in to claim her prize.

Suddenly, Sheena pulled back slightly.

"Liara…" she said meekly, her breathing still fast.

Suddenly, the world seemed to return to normal. Liara's head began to clear and she saw the situation before her.

"Oh…Sheena. I am…I am sorry…."

Shepard smiled. "Nothing to apologize for…" She then winced in pain. Liara had almost completely forgotten that she still had an open wound.

"Let me help you with that, Sheena…"

Liara went to grab a pair of what looked to be large sized tweezers. She kneeled before the Shepard and, with the water still running, began to pick at the open wound. Carefully, she began to pull out fragments that had been stuck inside Shepard's leg. Each time she removed one, blood would gush out and be washed down the injured leg like a waterfall. When that delicate task was done, she rubbed medi-gel into the wound. The amazing substance simmered and hardened in the shape of the injury and began its work. Wrapping the commander's leg in white bandages, they both left the bathroom arm in arm.

Shepard nearly collapsed onto her bed while Liara sat herself near her, a hand gently rubbing the commander's head.

In the corner of the room, Liara's eye was caught by a small, framed image. It was of a woman with long, dark hair. She had some features similar to Shepard's but her skin was a dark brown, her eyes rounder and fuller.

Shepard seemed to sense the direction of Liara's gaze.

"That's my sister" she said flatly.

"She is very beautiful, Sheena" Liara responded.

"Yes, she was"

She was. Liara felt guilty knowing that this was probably the missing sister mentioned in earlier articles. Part of her felt so compelled to ask a question, even though another region of her mind said to let it go.

"Where is she now?"

There was a long pause.

"She died. On Earth."

Liara didn't know what to say. She continued massaging Shepard's head with her hand.

"I know you probably have questions. Maybe we will talk about it someday. Maybe not. It…now is just not the right time, Liara"

"I understand, Sheena. I am here if you need me"

Need me. Liara wanted so badly for Sheena to need her. If felt so intense, so dangerous what had welled up in her just moments before. Even now, the echoes of that passion still resonated in her being. Liara just wanted to wrap the woman lying before her in her arms. She wanted to hold her, protect her, and be so much more to her. She wondered how Shepard felt about it. Maybe she had just got caught up in the moment? For humans, relationships between those of the same sex were still seen by some as strange. For asari, being as they were all considered female, there were no issues like that, no barriers to love between people.

Liara's eyes roamed over Shepard's body. It was strong and tight, full of muscle. She ran a hand down one of the long, powerful arms before her and stopped suddenly. Taking a closer look, she found what looked to be recent puncture marks from syringes right atop veins. Her face twisted in worry.

"Sheena…"

"I have trouble sleeping, Liara. At least recently."

"Stimulants?"

"Yeah"

Liara didn't want to press the issue.

"Liara?" Shepard said after a time.

"Yes, Sheena?"

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course"

There Liara sat, watching over the wounded warrior. She ran her hands over her body, massaging it gently to coax Shepard into sleep. If only she could touch her mind, then she…

Bonding? She was getting ahead of herself.

Finally, Liara felt the woman before her breathing as if asleep. She leaned down and stole a single kiss upon the resting woman's forehead, some satiation for the earlier maelstrom that almost overtook her. Shepard looked peaceful.

She let herself out quietly.

Unfortunately, Shepard's rest was anything but peaceful. She was back in that time, that terrible place. Those evil voices, their awful smell. The sight of…the sight of her just feet away. She resigned herself to the horror, as she had done then, and tried to focus on something else. When would she ever be free of this nightmare? Why couldn't she let go of that moment?

* * *

**Note: I always intended for this to be a shorter work, but I find myself increasingly exploring the longer road of Liara and Shepard's relationship. The medium of a video game is not conducive to REAL character development, and in ME 1, the development of the romance between the two characters felt so shallow. A few conversations that, if you hurried through the main missions, probably took place over no longer than a few weeks and they are all of a sudden deeply in love. No real catharsis, no explanation for why their passion seems so deep.**

**Far be it for me to attempt to truly correct that. My humble story is probably of little consequence to so many, but I hope for those of you who read this begin to understand what I am trying to accomplish. **

**I know where and how I want to end this. The getting there may take a bit longer than I thought…**

**~KL**


	4. Chapter 4

**Writers Note at end of CH 5**

**

* * *

  
**

**Chapter 4**

Liara thought she would be ready for this moment. She had tried to give no hint of her feelings by interacting with the crew as she had before. She laughed, talked, ate among them, and in general wore a mask of normalcy. Whatever was to come would not bother her. This would not be the person she grew up with. It would be someone different; someone she didn't know and would not mourn. Another enemy slain, another task completed.

Yet, nothing prepares you to lose a parent. Especially not in the manner she was about to.

A blanket of snow covered the station and its surroundings almost as if it were shrouding the evil of this place. Yet, the corruption, the terrible things that happened there could not be undone. The wind made a cruel, howling noise outside while the dark sky played its role in making things all the more ominous. This was the cold world of Noveria, a place where one could buy or sell anything; even, in this case, your soul itself.

The sterile, metallic room was silent now but for the low hum of lights and power running throughout the station. All around were the signs of a tremendous battle. Dead asari, their slim and beautiful form shattered by kinetic impacts. Broken down husks of Geth also could be found, mixed into the fallen with their synthetic entrails spread across the floor. Then, there on a platform raised high above the chamber were two figures.

One was Commander Sheena Shepard. She was tall, proud, and victorious with a hand ready to bring woe to the conquered before her. The other was Matriarch Benezia. She was on the floor, broken and defeated. Her prominent head covering was crumpled on the ground while her once elegant clothing was stained with her own blood.

She had never seen her in this position before. On Thessia and beyond, the matriarch was respected, even feared. As a child, Liara remembered watching so many pay homage to the person she knew simply as her mother. Benezia had done her best to impart her daughter with all the talents and opportunities one of her class should expect. She had high hopes that her offspring would one day ascend even higher than herself in the galaxy. The fire, determination and inner strength she possessed, and even passed on to Liara, would find no display here.

Instead there was mother about to face execution and a daughter about to bear witness to the act.

"Goodbye, Little-Wing…" Benezia said, her face no longer twisted in blind rage as she had been under Sovereign's song. "You followed your own road, as I taught you, and now you stand in good company. I go now into the Light knowing no shame."

Then, the weakened asari turned to Shepard. "Commander…please look after my daughter. A great darkness is falling upon us all, but with you she will not succumb to it, as I did"

Liara could see in Shepard's eyes sympathy now. Faded away was vicious and terrible avatar of the warrior who brought ruin to all her opposed her. The commander turned to her.

"I'm sorry…" Shepard said quietly. Liara could read the words on her lips.

For a few moments they all remained motionless, the wind growing more violent in its anger outside. They were trying to forestall the inevitable.

Suddenly Benezia began to shake. She clung to her head and her face registered a terrible agony.

"Please…Shepard…end this before…before I become HIS again…" she pleaded.

Shepard looked to Ashley, who had been off in the corner, just an audience to this tragic performance.

"Williams. Get her out of here." Shepard commanded.

Ashley came forward and placed her hand on Liara's shoulders, beckoning her to follow. She resisted, her feet planted on the ground and her eyes fixed on the image before her.

"Liara. Go!" Shepard said.

She didn't move.

"Go! NOW!" she yelled.

Ashley grabbed Liara in her arms, pulling her head towards her chest and her vision away from what was about to unfold on the platform above. As the human walked Liara to a door, the sound of the safety on a pistol releasing could be heard. The two hastened their pace until they were outside the chamber and the door shut firmly behind them.

Chief Williams tightened her grip on Liara, an embrace so closely held that both sight and sound were muffled to the one in her arms.

"I am so sorry, Liara" Ashley said.

There they stood for what seemed like a lifetime. Liara was limp, her feelings flat. There were no tears, no feelings of anguish or lashing out at the cruelty of fate. She felt…empty.

Then they heard it. The faint sound of a single shot. The sound of a body falling onto a metallic surface.

Ashley began to whisper into Liara's ear. It was some sort of prayer, one she did not recognize. She didn't know what to make of it. She hung there, almost lifelessly like the doll of some child, in the arms of the soldier.

There were other noises. Low voices could be heard then the sound of some sort of elevator rising. Finally, the commander emerged from the room.

"There is a lot to go over, but not now. Let's finish up and get the hell out of here" she said.

Aboard the ship, Liara sat staring at a console screen. The low, almost orange glow before her unattended, almost unnoticed. She just remained there, not even with thoughts but just a sort of deadened gaze

The door to the med bay opened and she heard heavy, careful steps.

"Liara?" Sheena said.

She turned and looked at the dark haired woman.

"Liara, I know this isn't…"

"It's alright. I…I will remember my mother as she was. Kind and loving, the person who raised me. I am fine, really" she said to her with a forced smile.

Shepard sighed. She moved purposefully forward and hugged Liara.

"I am fine, Sheena. Really, I am!" Liara protested.

"I know you are strong, Liara. This hasn't hit you yet, though. I understand what you are feeling more than you possibly know. It WILL hit you though, and when it does…I want you to know I am here…"

Liara pushed herself away gently from Sheena's embrace.

"I assure you, commander…I am fine."

Commander. She wasn't thinking about her words anymore. She was trying to create a distance from this person in front of her.

Sheena's omni-tool glowed as she began typing into it.

"Listen, Liara. I gave you access to my quarters whenever you want to talk. You know where I am if you need me" she said with a warm smile, "Also, we are going to the Citadel soon. We have a mission to attend to, but while I speak to the Council I wanted the crew to have a few days for their own use. It will be good for u…for you to have some time"

Liara nodded.

"Alright, Liara. I…I hope to hear from you very soon."

The door shut and Sheena was gone.

Liara was alone again, but her mind was alive with thoughts now. She thought of her mother, what she had seen. She also thought about Sheena and the type of person she was. She felt something so… powerful with that woman, a connection that, with even a few kind words, made Liara feel comforted, alive, and maybe even loved.

She had hoped Shepard would need her. Maybe it was Liara who needed someone now?

Liara was determined now. To see her mother fall so low and so quickly was shocking, but also revealing. Life was fragile, even for asari, and time was not on anyones side these days.

She didn't know what to do, but she knew she needed Shepard. More than the Cipher in her head, more than her interest in grand theories of galactic extinction, she needed the person.

"How do I reach you, Sheena?" she whispered to herself, "How do I get you to open to me?"

She needed help. She just needed to have the courage to reach out and find it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"So I am jumping out of the transport, right?" Garrus said, his hands playing out the scene he was describing, "Right into a prone position! With one swift motion I take aim with my rifle, and blast him right as he turns to face me. I ended his little crime spree then and there!"

"You're a real badass, Garrus. C-Sec give you a medal?" Shepard said, feet up on the table in front of her. In one hand was a cigar, smoke gently rising from its lit end. The table before her had the remnants of once full bottles of various liquors, a mix of those palatable to both humans and turians.

Garrus shook his head, reclining back into his chair and grabbing a glass of green liquid.

"Hell NO. I had to fill out paperwork for a month on all sorts of supposed infractions. 'Endangering civilians' and what not. Stupid"

Shepard shook her head, puffing on her cigar.

This had been a ritual for the two old broadswords. After every big battle they'd usually get together and talk. Most of the time it was, ironically, reminiscing about OTHER battles rather than anything more upbeat and pleasant. Garrus understood Shepard, or at least a part of her. She didn't need to put on any act with him. She could count on him as a friend, at least so far.

She closed her eyes, taking in the moment to relax. Sometimes it was just nice for a few minutes to do absolutely nothing. There was the low, constant humming of the ship, the sound of ice tumbling into a glass, a cork being popped and smooth sound of flowing alcohol. All in all, noises much preferable to the booming of guns, the sound of shields breaking, and the calls of the wounded.

"So, sad thing about Liara, huh?" Garrus said after taking a long drink.

"War is shit." She responded tersely.

"Yeah, you got that right." She heard the clinking of his glass as a bottle came in contact with it, refreshing his poison of choice.

"So…you two are pretty close?" Garrus said with a hint of his usual wry voice.

"We are friends." She replied flatly.

"Friends, huh? I see."

Shepard opened her eyes and sighed. With a finger, she flicked ashes off her knee and then took a long drag on her cigar and slowly exhaled, head towards the sky, watching the smoke dissipate above her. She then leaned in towards Garrus, giving him a hard look.

"It felt like there was a question in your question." She said, smoke veiling her face giving a far more dramatic impression that she intended.

Garrus slowly moved the glass in his hand, swirling the liquid inside.

"Well, it seems to me she wants more than just friendship from you."

Shepard rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair. She began to pick at dirt on her shoe, dismissive of the very notion.

"What gives you that impression, Mr. Romance?"

Garrus smirked. It was hard to tell with his facial features when he was, but she had grown used to this sarcastic bastard and she knew that look when she saw it.

"Look, you humans are new on the scene. We turians have been around the asari for awhile. We know how they work. I just thought, well, if you were INTERESTED in her that maybe I could give you a few things to think about."

"What is there to think about? We are friends, that's all. What makes you think she's even into me?" She was looking at him out of the corner of her eye now, giving an impression of decided nonchalance.

"Hah! What makes me think she is interested?!" Garrus said as he brought a glass to his mouth, "Well, first of all she watches over you like an eagle. Don't you notice on the battlefield how she always ends up covering your every move? Hitting YOUR targets? Throwing up a barrier right as YOU are near?"

Shepard snorted dismissively. "So? She's a good squaddie. Maybe if you had someone watching out for you like that you wouldn't end up shot to hell all the time!"

"It is not just that! The way she sways her hips around you. How during briefings she sits near you, leaaaaning towards you when you speak…"

"You seem to be watching her so closely. Maybe YOU have the thing for her!" Shepard said caustically. She reached forward and put her cigar into a small tray, increasingly perturbed and losing her 'relaxed' attitude.

Putting his glass down on the table, Garrus now leaned forward towards Shepard, his eyes fixed on her. The air in the room grew dense with a weighty seriousness.

"Look, Shepard. You'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not see how she acts around you. All I am saying is that there's nothing wrong with wanting that kind of relationship. I just wanted to give you a heads up on some things to consider. Every soldier has the right to have somebody to hold onto."

Shepard looked at the turian before her. It was quite a sight really to see Garrus without his usual swagger. She guessed he WAS serious then.

"Well, don't give me a whole preface then. Get to the point…"

He nodded and began.

* * *

Liara entered the lower cargo hold anxiously. She scanned the familiar room with its low lighting and faintly musty smell. This was hardly a place for social gatherings, but one person in particular loved it. She then saw her target, working at the same spot she always was at. People's habits were amazing. How easily they thoughtlessly engaged in the same task at the same time often at the same place.

She approached cautiously, mostly out of the fear that at any moment she would lose her nerve and flee towards the elevator in terror. Ashley saw her first. So much for running now. She turned her attention towards the asari and a smile came over her face. She began to wave.

"Hey there, Liara. Good to see you!" the usually stern soldier said.

She was probably being extra nice for my benefit, Liara thought.

"Chief Williams. I was hoping to see you here." She responded.

"What can I do for you?" Ashley said while wiping her greasy hands with a towel. It seems she was cleaning and repairing the teams' weapons. Liara thought it funny how such a pretty woman always found herself alone below decks. Was she turning to the right person?

Liara was trembling now. She held her arms tightly behind her back to control her nerves as best she could.

"Ah, I was hoping I might talk to you about something on my mind. Maybe something you could help me with?"

Ashley smiled. She sat on top of a small table and leaned back on her hands very casually, her chest jutting out.

"Shoot!" she said.

Shoot? Liara was confused, but continued anyway.

"Well, I am coming to you, Chief Williams because…"

"You can call me, Ash."

Liara nodded, recomposing herself. She was close enough to losing her will already without being interrupted.

"Well, Ash, you are a human woman…"

"Last time I checked…" Ashley interjected with an eyebrow raised.

"Yes. It seems as if you would have had a lot of relationships…"

"A LOT?" Ashley said with surprise. She sat up straight and gave Liara a look suspicious look. "What would make you think that?!"

Liara suddenly realized the mistake she had made in her wording. Shaking her head quickly and raising her hands to calm the woman before her she apologized.

"No, no, no! I meant a lot of EXPERIENCE with relationships! A strong, gorgeous woman like you must have no end to her suitors…"

"Whatever!" Ashley said with a huff, "What did you want to ask?"

"Well…" she began. She couldn't get the next words out without a struggle, "Well, I am interested in someone and…I wanted to see if you could help me…well…"

Ashley's eyes grew wide and her face broke out into a huge grin. Her whole body, her attention, now seemed to be magnetically pulled towards Liara with renewed interest.

"Oh, wow! The Prothean expert, Doctor Liara T'Soni has been smitten! I can't believe it! Go on!" she said while rubbing her hands together in anticipation.

"Well, it is difficult for a couple of reasons," Liara continued, "I do not have much experience with your species 'rituals' around this sort of thing…well, at least outside of codices. I am already friends, I'd say, with this person but…"

"You want to take it to the next level then?" Ashley said, nodding her head as if she had heard this story before.

"Ah, yes. The next 'level'. The problem is I don't know how she…"

"She? Alrightey, then. It is a woman you are chasing then?" Ashley said. It seemed each word Liara spoke made the soldier more and more like a teenager eager to hear some well guarded schoolyard secret.

"Well, that is part of the problem. I am not sure if she is, well, interested in females…"

"I'll tell you that sort of thing among humans is a lot more accepted than it was. Obviously, not everyone is so open that kind of thing. Why don't you tell me who it is?"

"It's Sheena. Or Commander Shepard, better said." Liara was amazed at how smoothly the words came out. It was as if she had, in one moment of pure strength, just pushed out the name.

Ashley grabbed at her chest as if her heart skipped a beat. She raised her hand and made a fist, then pulling her arm towards her body.

"Yes! They owe me 100 credits! I knew it!" she said under her breath.

"Excuse me?" Liara said with a confused look on her face. She leaned against a locker and crossed her arms defensively.

"Ah, I mean, nothing! Commander Shepard! Well that is a big deal then…" Ashley said as she stroked her chin thoughtfully. "Well, I'll tell you honestly I have not known the Commander, or 'Sheena'" as she said the name she snickered, "much longer than yourself. We've talked but, well, as it turns out most of the time I talked and she listened…"

Ashley then raised a finger as a thought came to her.

"Well, there was that time she caught me listening to a recording of my sisters talking about how handsome Kai…a guy was on the ship. She didn't seem too moved by that. Actually, I've never heard her talk about men at all…or anyone for that matter… "

Again Ashley fell silent in thought. Liara wasn't getting exactly the help she hoped for. She was growing impatient and began to tap her feet against the floor.

"You spend time with her don't you? How does she act around you? What is her body language like?" the human said.

"Body language?" Liara asked.

"You know! Does she touch her hair when she talks to you? Does she sit close and look into your eyes? Does she dress up or wear perfume when you are together? Anything like that?"

Liara began to think back at all of the times she spent with Sheena outside of combat. When she was close to Shepard, she'd catch her scent. Whether it was her shampoo or something else, she always had a fresh, almost fruity smell about her. It made Liara want to bury herself in her embrace to take it all in. Sometimes, when they had long periods without combat, Sheena would style her hair very nicely. Otherwise, she'd just pull it back into a ponytail and even then, it would just give more of a focus to her soft, almost ethereal beauty. She remembered the touch of those soft lips against hers, teasing her with desire. She began imagine the feel of her hands against Shepard's body.

Liara closed her eyes, transporting herself to the moments they had shared. A smile crept over her face and she began to fall deep into the well of memory…

"Liara!" Ashley said.

She snapped out of her waking dream, "Ah! I am sorry…"

"Damn, you really are falling for the Commander aren't you?!"

Liara looked down and blushed.

"So you DO spend time with her. Have you ever talked about how you feel or anything like that?"

"Well…" she began, "there was the time when we were in the shower together…"

"WH…WHAT?!" Ashley fell backwards as if a great gust of wind had blown by her. She almost hit herself against a jutting piece of metal on the floor. Slowly she brought herself up again, rubbing a sore head.

"Showers?! Now hold on…I thought you said…what?!"

* * *

Garrus had been talking for some time now. Shepard felt like she was getting the "birds and the bees" speech that people always referred to. He began to get deep into detail about everything from the three stages of asari development to erogenous zones; where to touch for maximum effect.

"Alright, Alright!" she said, "I get it. Their buttons are ALMOST the same as ours and when pressed get similar effects. Great! How is this helping me?"

"Well, I am filling in the blanks for you…" Garrus said.

"NO! You are talking about SEX. It seems all your much ballyhooed knowledge of the asari comes from reading Fornax or the masturbatory fantasies of human fifteen year olds!"

Garrus threw back his head and laughed.

"Sorry! When you are alone on a patrol or undercover as an officer, sometimes you get to thinking…"

"You can keep that thinking to yourself! Terrible! You said you would help me UNDERSTAND the asari, not slut around with every nightclub dancer that I come across!"

"Now there's a thought..." he said with a cocky look on his face.

"Damn it! I don't even know why I agreed to this! I guess I was just humoring you…"

"Fine, fine! I'll tell you a quick story then! This will make clear what I wanted to say…"

Garrus shifted his chair to where he was now facing Shepard. His eyes narrowed and his voice deepened. Truly, this would be the moment when wisdom would be dispensed…or so Shepard hoped.

"A maiden like Liara is usually out stripping, putting in time as a mercenary, or just jumping in bed with anything that moves to 'experience' as much as they can. Seems like short term thinking, right?"

"Whatever!" she scoffed.

"Right then. Well, here is the thing. As much as younger asari may seem immature and older asari seem like they have a stick up their ass, they all share one thing. When it comes to love, it may take them awhile to truly find somebody they CARE about, but when they do…well, they latch on for dear life and there is NO getting rid of them. They are a very, very serious people about bonding, or at least can be…"

"Bonding?" Shepard asked, her interest now piqued.

"There is sex of the hot, girl on girl kind where you…"

"DAMN IT GARRUS!"

"Anyway, there is sex. There is 'melding' which is just sharing information and memories. Then there is bonding, where an asari selects a mate for something more serious maybe even for the lifetime of that other person. Liara is a very, very young asari. Even so, she obviously isn't the stripper or merc type. She is a genius, bookish, and probably has no experience with romance or anything resembling frisky activity. She sort of reminds me of you, a woman who looks like she hasn't been touched in awhi…"

Shepard's face was burning red now. This "help session" was turning out to be frustrating as all hell.

"Garrus, if you don't get to the point in your DAMN story there is about to be some furniture moving around this room!"

"Well, anyway she is naïve and young. Let me tell the story now, alright?"

"FINE!"

"Alright, when I was in C-Sec, we caught this case about a jilted asari woman and her human lover. The asari was a maiden, about as young as Liara. She was stripping in some nasty club when she met this human male. They start this fling that lasted for awhile. The thing is, the more you bond with one person, I guess the stronger that connection is. Eventually she joins up with the Blue Suns and heads out, leaving the guy thinking he is free and clear. I guess he got a taste for 'rare meats' and he starts pursuing this Quarian woman. Well, wouldn't you know it the asari MISSES the human and comes back for him. She catches the guy and the Quarian using some sort of nerve stimulation devices and next thing you know he is biotically slammed through a wall and a frantic woman is calling C-Sec for help!"

"Wow, cool story, Garrus…" Shepard began.

"Just let me finish, Shepard! There is a point to this! You humans are so impatient!"

Shepard groaned and crossed her arms, sliding down in her chair.

"Anyway, you know what the damndest thing was? When we came to arrest the asari we found her cradling the battered body of the human in her arms, talking to him while he was nearly unconscious. She even insisted that she go with him to the hospital and stayed with him day and night! Long story short, he didn't press charges and they are still together. Last I heard they had a kid…"

"Sooo, what you are saying is that they can be jealous girlfriends?" Shepard said. She was actually interested in this part of Garrus' little spiel.

"Well," he began, "in Liara's case it seems she is the type who wants something serious. What I am telling you is if you WANT her, treat her with respect. She's young, but more than that it is very likely she will attach herself to you in a deep way. You have to know what you are getting into here, not only for her sake but for yours. I am not going to help you when some pissed off scientist comes knocking because you wanted a 'good time'."

Shepard sighed. "Look Garrus, I get what you are saying. I appreciate it. I wouldn't ever do something callous to Liara. She….she is special. Hell, I don't know. It's just…I don't get involved with people like that. I never have…"

Garrus looked surprise.

"I was just joking earlier, Shepard. You mean you really have never been with…"

She suddenly felt the knives of memory jabbing at her heart. She wanted to divert the conversation quickly.

"Eh, I have never cared about someone…romantically. Or had someone care about me like that. I'm a messed up person, Garrus. I am scared around Liara, to be honest." Shepard was looking down now, pondering the details of the floor below.

Garrus looked at her for awhile, losing his joking persona and now appearing as if he understood the territory they were travelling on was very sensitive to her.

"Shepard," he said slowly, considering his words, "I was being kind of a jerk before. I meant what I said at the beginning, though. We are on a dangerous mission here and tensions run high. If you can snatch happiness through all this you should. My only point was that with Liara, she could give you that but so much more. You'd be getting a real companion, loyal and loving who'd take you for who you are…"

"Who I am? She doesn't even know who that is, Garrus…"

Shepard looked despondent now. The glimmer of hope she had, the very reason she put up with Garrus' ridiculous story, was to see if there might be any chance with Liara. Now, after thinking about it more, she increasingly felt it could never be.

"Look Shepard, I don't know your life story. All I know is that people need other people. Turian, asari, hanar, elcor, whatever. We all need companions of some kind. If Liara makes you happy and if you are serious about being with her, well, I'd say you might as well go for it. Right?" Garrus' voice had changed dramatically. There was a sound of kindness, even understanding in it. It was off-putting coming from him.

"You don't get it, Garrus…I CAN'T be with somebody. I…I…"

Suddenly Shepard's eyes began to glaze over. Tears began to well up and she hid her face with her hands.

Garrus was at a loss. He had never seen Shepard like this before. He poured a glass and offered it to the upset commander.

Grabbing the drink, she swallowed it down whole without even a breath. She slammed the glass on the table before her.

"Damn it, Garrus. What I want...I can't have. Not with someone like her…"

The turian reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, look Shepard. I am sorry if something I said made you upset. Is…is there something you want to tell me?"

Tell him. Tell somebody. Shepard wanted to fall into his arms and weep. She wanted to tell him everything, let it out once and for all. She looked up at him and opened her mouth. The words were forming on the tip of her tongue.

Then with a quick motion, she shrugged his hand off.

"I...I can't Garrus. I am sorry, I have to go…" she said. She stood quickly and without looking back rushed out of the room.

Garrus looked on as the door slammed shut before him. Did he say something wrong?

* * *

Liara had to go into a considerably long explanation to get Ashley to stop hyperventilating about the "shower" revelation. Finally, when she had helped her understand, they were able to return to a more normal conversation.

"It sounds like to me she has some definite feelings for you, Liara. Look, let me tell it to you like my parents used to say…"

With that, Ashley threw an arm around Liara and began to speak directly to her, warm breath hitting the asari's face.

"There are two kinds of fish in this world…wait you know what fish are right?" Ashley said.

"We have cold-blooded aquatic vertebrates on asari worlds, Ash."

"Oh…right. Well anyway think of it like this. There are sports fish and keeper fish. There are the type you fish for fun and the kind you fish for holding onto. Seems to me you are Shepard are both real serious types, right?"

Liara thought about the awkward comparisons Ashley was making. She didn't understand why at times humans insisted on using metaphors in their folksy stories.

"Well, I feel like I really could be in love with Shepard if she were to open up to me like that." Liara said.

Ashley closed her eyes and smiled. The "cuteness" of the whole affair was getting to her and she couldn't help but react to young love blossoming in the vacuum of space. Despite her hardened exterior, her literate side made her love a good romance and here was one she was having a hand in shaping.

"My point is that you are both looking for something long term. This isn't a fly by night 'sports fishing' sort of encounter. You want real love and, from what little I can read from Shepard, she doesn't seem to be the catch and release type."

Goddess! More fishing references!

"Ashley, I NEED you to help me know what to do then. I want so badly to get to know Sheena, but at times she seems to push me away. Is it me, or am I doing something wrong?"

"You are approaching it the right way, Liara. Shepard needs….some nurturing I think. Maybe you two should have a conversation and be open about what you want. This mission we are on doesn't give a whole lot of room or time for waiting around"

Ashley was right. Liara had been so focused on personal matters she was forgetting how quick their pace had been thus far in pursuing Saren. All this romantic talk was taking place in the context of a possible galactic disaster. There was not the time for a long courtship.

"We are getting a few days on the Citadel. The Commander has made that clear. After that, we are on our way to some huge and secret mission on Virmire, and there is probably no looking back at that point. Use that time wisely and I think you'll find your answers"

That was what Liara needed to hear. Use the time you have wisely. It was a hard concept for asari to sometimes understand, especially one as young as her, since so far her mind paid little attention to mortality. She might have 900 years of life left, but only mere moments in time to grab hold of someone as precious as Shepard.

She needed to make her move, and soon, whatever the consequences.

**Note: This chapter had a hell of a lot of dialogue and not as much description as I would've liked. I had fun writing the interplay though and I think there is a hint of something much more serious on the horizon. The next few chapters will get…darker. Like Shepard said, fire reveals true character and so far there has only been a slight sizzle. The defining moment of this Earthborn hero and her potential love is about to come. I hope you'll stay with me. As always, please review and let me know what you think.**

**~KL**


	6. Chapter 6

**Note: A lot of folks say I am a dark writer, but this time around I think there is plenty of room for levity, at least until, well, you'll see. I'd like to imagine that the crew of the Normandy would have grown very close by now, something we do not really see evidence of in the game. I know some may think Ashley is a bit out of character, but she is a big sister type and a secret romantic so let's assume in this world she actually likes Liara ****. **

**This marks the second and final half of this tale. Shepard is brought to the brink of happiness with Liara, but some memories don't remain as such forever and return to haunt us in the waking hours.**

**Part 2: Bound by Blood and Memory**

**Chapter 6**

**

* * *

  
**

It was another dream, a vision really, but this one not nearly so awful but still heavy with sadness as she knew how this story would end.

They were at home, or the place they made a home for themselves in. Buried deep beneath the towers of a glittering city, there were blocks of colorless and forgotten tenements where the faceless and forgotten mulled about, trying to carve for themselves some semblance of a better life. Better, being of course relative and constrained, as true "freedom" was in the lights high above them. The best someone from these shadows could hope for was to get by with a meal for the day, a place to sleep, and not to be victimized or killed. Earth had changed in some ways, but was ever the same in so many others.

Her sister stood before her in the hallway of the tiny, one bedroom hovel they had called home. The water seemed always to be broken, the lights flickered on and off, and often they'd find roommates of various pest species making a home with them, but they had done their best to make it their own. They never went hungry and flowers could be found every week sitting near a dingy window, the hope of catching sunlight unrewarded, but a single grow lamp giving some life to the bouquets.

"Why do you have to go out again?" I said.

"I have to get to work, baby. You know that!"

I gave her a frustrated look, the kind only someone in their teens could make.

"I never see you anymore, though! Why can't I go with you?"

For a moment a look of terrible regret came over my sister's face. She ran her hand through her long, dark hair as if seeking some story to hold on to that would satisfy me.

"You always get dressed up and go out! Why can't I?! You leave me here with these stupid books…"

Suddenly, my sister became angry; she grabbed my arm and gave me a look of intensity borne of burdens I knew not of.

"You listen to me!" she began, "The things I do are so you don't have to stay in this pit! One day you are going to get out of here, no matter what it takes. Those books you read are a blessing, they are a ticket upwards, don't you get it? It's too late for me, _mijita_, but I am damn well making sure my little sister doesn't have to…"

She stopped. I had always thought she worked at some dingy club as a hostess, which is why she always got dressed up at night. I was too naïve at the time to realize what women with her looks could do to make money.

"My little angel, I am sorry…" her face softened, "I just…I want you to understand you have a future. Look, anyway I got something for tonight…"

From a bag around her arm she pulled out a small, tattered book. It's pages were brown and aged, its cover was nearly gone.

"Pride and Prejudice" it read.

"They said girls like this book. It's an older story…I thought you might like it…"

My sister couldn't read, so she had to go by the descriptions others would give her. Oftentimes she would bring home everything from a primer on algebra to a collection of slightly erotic vampire stories. What mattered was that I read, and read often. More than that, I was not to go out on the street during the night when she wasn't around. The apartment was my prison, I thought, but in reality it was my protection.

I held the book in my hands. Another night alone, but at least I would have something to do.

"Listen, I am going to be home late. I…have some extra work to do. I will see you when I get back, alright? I love you." She said as she reached down and kissed me.

I didn't say anything, still fuming at the fact my fourteen year old self would be stuck in a dank apartment.

I wouldn't see her again. Alive, at least.

The memory fades, reality hits me like a crashing wave.

"Shepard," a voice says, shattering my restful state.

It's Joker, and I am in my quarters, not on Earth.

"We are almost to the Citadel, just wanted to let you know, skipper"

I rub my eyes, my senses still tingling with their responses to something that didn't exist anymore.

"Ah, alright. I will be giving a message to everyone from the briefing room in an hour. We have to set down a few rules for this 'shore leave'…"

"Yes, Commander"

I had slept four hours. A blessed four hours and only one dream and it wasn't even THAT part of the dream.

Pulling up my sleeve, I tightened a small belt around my arm. With one end in my mouth, I begin to see the work of my blood being constricted bearing fruit. A single, ripe vein is showing. I aim the all too familiar syringe and its red antidote and plunge it in.

Everything is alright now. The rush fills my head and all my concerns wash away. Damnit, I feel good. I feel normal again.

Another day. At least I'll be off this claustrophobic ship. Just another day.

* * *

"Alright, here are the ground rules," Shepard began, "We are here for FIVE days. I repeat, FIVE days. I expect everyone to be on behavior that is the best that can be managed without ending up with a felony record. Also, if you are not here on the fifth day, then we LEAVE you behind. Do you all understand?"

Liara watched Shepard speak to her 'troops'. Watching this thin but lithe woman command such a crew of strong personalities made her, well, proud.

Everyone was dismissed and soon the halls of the ship were filled with dozens of conversations of who was doing what and where. Liara walked over to Shepard, hoping proximity might result in her being invited to wherever Sheena was going.

"Liara, I was hoping you'd stay behind" Shepard said.

"I would never want to part with you…"

Liara once again allowed her desires to seep out in so simple a statement. She felt terribly foolish, but luckily Shepard merely smiled.

"Well, listen. If you are interested, I am going to have dinner in a place that all the humans on the station rave about. You are welcome to join me. I have to warn you, though, Garrus and Ashley are coming. They are such LOSERS they don't have anywhere else to go…"

Liara knew Shepard was joking by the way she said the last part of her sentence, cocky grin and all. Even so, she was glad to spend ANY time with Sheena. Garrus and Ashley were hardly bad company anyway.

"I would very much like to come with you, Sheena."

"Good! It's a date then. Meet us on the bridge in an hour."

With that, Shepard walked away, leaving Liara in her frustration. She always felt their conversations were ending with unsaid words forming on her tongue.

"When am I ever going to get the chance to say what…ah…" she muttered to herself. She was waiting for the perfect moment with Sheena, but it looked increasingly unlikely that time would come.

As she walked out of the briefing room, suddenly she felt an arm grab her and pull her aside.

"So, you're coming tonight then?" Ashley said.

"Ah! Chief Willia…"

"Ash."

"Ash. I didn't see you there…"

"You're coming then, right?" Ashley said with an overly eager look in her eyes.

"Shee…Shepard invited me, yes. I am looking forward to…"

"Great! This is perfect then. I was hoping you'd come. This is THE NIGHT then!"

"The…night?" Liara said with great hesitation.

"Yeah, the night. Remember our talk? Well, this is a great opportunity…"

Something seemed to have caught Ashley's eye as her speech drifted off. Someone was in the distance.

"Garrus! Come here for a second!" she said.

The figure quickened its pace, as if to avoid Ashley.

"Damn it, Garrus! I already saw you. Get over here!"

An audible, and heavy, sigh was heard and slowly the figure of lonely turian made itself known.

"Good to see you, Liara," Garrus began, bowing slightly, "Wish I could say the same for you Williams. At least tonight I can sit next to…"

"Me. You are sitting next to me." Ashley said, her eyes narrow with determination.

"What?! You are the hanger on tonight! This was supposed to be 'boys' night out with me and Shepard, but you had to latch on…"

"Plans have changed, Garrus! Don't you see? Liara is coming. We are going to give our little bird a push out of its nest."

Garrus groaned, hand over his face.

"That is likely the stupidest attempt at a poetic comparison I have ever…"

"I didn't ask your opinion, Garrus! Anyway, we have an obligation to OUR commander to ensure she is ready and rested for the mission ahead. That means she needs a solid companion, and our good doctor here seems a match!"

Liara wished they had asked her opinion. Everything was moving so fast, and now it seemed her fate was not her own.

"I…I don't know if I feel comfortable with this, Ashley," she began, "I had thought I might…well…talk to the Commander on my own."

Ashley shook her head disapprovingly. "Look, Liara. I know you are a grown woman and all, but sometimes friends have to give each other a 'bump' in the right direction to get things done."

"Ugh…" Garrus interjected, "I think the only bump was on your head, Williams. I don't like getting all involved in the Commander's personal life, especially since it reeks of you making up for your own romantic deficiencies."

The glare on Ashley's face could have killed a Krogan.

"Look, we've all heard the scuttlebutt for weeks now about Liara and Shepard. I am just saying that, since we two are the closest people to the Commander, might be able to push this little love story along…"

"Scuttlebutt? You mean people were talking about…" Liara was surprised. She had given herself far more credit when it came to being subtle that was deserved.

At this moment both Ashley and Garrus shared a laugh. It seemed they both found a point they could agree on.

"Look, no offense Liara," Garrus began as he shook his head in disbelief, "but the feelings you and Shepard dance around are very, very obvious."

"I am sorry, doctor, but everyone knows there is something going on between you two. The amount of time Shepard spends in the Med Bay means she is either chronically sick or looking for reasons to visit you" Ashley chimed in.

Liara looked down in shame. She was supposed to be a scientific expert but now she seemed like a clumsy child.

"Ah! Don't look sad, Liara," Williams said as she put a comforting arm around the asari, "It is not a BAD thing. That is why we are here to help you. Friends help friends and I'd like to think you and I get along no…"

"Yeah especially after all the things she said about strange aliens on the crew" Garrus interjected to the detriment of Williams, yet again.

"NEVERTHELESS," Ashley continued, "I see a way we can help you two tonight by making sure the evening goes smoothly and you get a window of opportunity to…well, talk to the Commander."

Liara's head was buzzing. On one hand, she would feel more comfortable with other people around, at least giving her some potential courage to speak her mind. On the other hand, she had always imagined that special moment would come with Shepard and herself alone, perhaps in the Med Bay or maybe elsewhere, where they could talk privately.

"I…well. I like to think of you two as friends now. It might help to have you around, but I'd still like to speak to Sheena alone when I get the chance."

Ashley nodded, "Of course, Liara. Just think of us as moral support. Right, Garrus?"

The turian stared into space, maybe thinking if he focused hard enough he'd be transported out of the situation.

"RIGHT, GARRUS?"

"Ah, fine. If it's good for Shepard and Liara, then it's good for me" he said, finally relenting.

"Then it is settled then. Go away and get ready Garrus, Liara and I have 'girl' stuff to talk about."

With that, the turian sighed and walked away, presumably to ready himself for what he might have considered a very burdensome evening.

Ashley then turned her attention to Liara again, looking her up and down slowly.

"So, Doctor T'Soni, what were you intending to wear this evening?"

Liara ran her fingers down the one piece white-green suit she often wore. Plain, but comfortable she reassured herself this would be good enough.

"Well, I thought I might wear this. It is one of my only pieces of casual clothing."

Ashley's eyes grew wide at the revelation.

"Uh, that may be fine for aboard ship…"

Suddenly Liara felt very self conscious. She had owned very nice clothing back on Thessia, but picking away at bones and old relics didn't necessitate an expansive wardrobe.

"Look, I'll help you, Liara. Take me to your room and I am sure we'll find something…"

The two went on their way and spent a considerable amount of time together fussing over what would be suitable to present themselves in that night.

As they finished, they made their way back to the bridge, Liara feeling very uncomfortable in what Ashley had chosen for her. She had a dreadful feeling that the one piece of clothing she hated most is what the human would select, and she was not disappointed.

Asari were not a particularly modest people, especially when it came to their bodies. Most among her species would find Liara particularly odd but for tonight. Ashley had selected a very pretty light blue dress that Liara would have loved if not for the fact it was designed to reveal a bit of her stomach and lower back, a not uncommon design. The material was light, almost sheer as well, and gave the impression that she was floating through the air rather than walking on the ground.

As the two women came upon the exit of the ship, Garrus was waiting for them. His suit was gray and red, a common ensemble among turians who wanted to show masculinity tempered with a sense of fun on their nights out.

"Well, look at these two. You look…great Liara!" he said, almost as if stunned, "and as for you Williams, I have to admit you clean up nice."

Liara took some pleasure in seeing she wasn't alone in being uncomfortable with her clothing. She had never seen Ashley in a dress before and she enjoyed the fact they were sharing a common misery.

"Whatever, Garrus. Just remember to keep your hands to yourself. If you forget, you'll be getting some serious 'action' at the ends of these fists." Ashley said, raising her arms defensively to demonstrate her sincerity.

"Where is Shepard?" Liara asked.

"Probably escaped through the trash chute, if she knew what was good for her…" Garrus muttered.

They waited a few moments, and the Commander finally presented herself in a form none of them had ever seen. All their faces would be a testament to their surprise. Liara would herself be taken aback and have a hard time forming cohesive thoughts.

Shepard was a beautiful woman, but most of the time grime, sweat, blood, and chunky armor hid that fact. All of those things were stripped away and before them was someone very, very different. She was wearing a dark purple, almost black, skin-tight suit that, while perfectly exhibiting her female form and its near perfection, also gave off an 'edge'. At the joints of the outfit there looked to be 'plates', giving off the impression of armor which they may have been intended to do. A short jacket completed the ensemble and a holster with pistol on her backside ensured that anyone looking would know not to touch. Her hair was let down, covering both sides of her face and giving a wild impression with its volume. It seemed colored with purplish tints and her make-up matched that. In all, an impressive display.

"Wow, Shepard. I can't tell if you are going to kill me or kiss me…" Garrus said as she approached.

"Neither, or we can try for the former if you go for the latter," she responded with a wink.

Shepard greeted both Garrus and Ashley briefly, and then turned her attention to Liara.

"You look stunning Liara." She said, then pulling the asari towards her and kissing each of her cheeks.

Liara was flabbergasted; she had never had that sort of greeting and could only muster a weak smile.

"Well, shall we go?" Shepard said as she offered Liara her arm. Everyone began to leave, paired off into couples, although one such group was rather reluctant.

They made their way through the dock and to transports as if they had not a care in the world, talking and laughing as they went. It was to be a good night.

In the distance, a passenger vehicle hovered.

Within the car, the sounds of the clicking and releasing of safeties on submachine guns could be heard. Three men sat, one in the driver's seat with his omni-tool lit up.

"We see them. Four of them, to be exact. The SPECTRE, the asari, and two others. A human and a turian." The man with the omni-tool said.

"Just say the word and we take 'em all" another man, squat and well built, sitting next to him, said.

Whoever was on the other end of the commlink obviously didn't approve.

"Damn it, you do NOTHING until you are told to. He wants to see her himself, the whites of her eyes. Your job is done for now. Keep your links open as we made need you later."

The voice faded and the men were left to themselves, two of them obviously disappointed.

"Why don't we just light 'em up now?"

"Yeah, idiot. Let's light up a SPECTRE and her crew outside of her ship." The driver said.

"SPECTRE, soldier, who gives a shit. They all bleed."

The driver punched the one next to him hard in the arm.

"Look moron, this is than just some daytime hit that no one will care about. We have to handle this right. The SPECTRE and the asari chick are the most important anyway. I think they are some sort of couple…"

"Makes sense Shepard would be a dyke…" someone muttered derisively behind them.

"Whatever. We take orders and the boss has plans for those two. This is Finch's business from now on. Let's get the hell out of here."

"Flux?"

"Naw, too expensive and everyone is stuck up."

"Chora's Den then."

The driver smiled, a greasy, awful expression on his face.

"Yeah, more my speed. At least you know what we are paying for there."

With that, the car roared to life and veered off towards the Wards, leaving the small party unobserved as they made their way to their destination.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

It was a night cycle on the Citadel, and the area was lit up with a variety of colors illuminating the white pathways on the Presidium like many bright stars guiding ships in the darkness. Despite the late hour, there was a buzz of activity throughout, with men and women of a variety of species all dressed up with somewhere to go. One could see all types of people with their differing purposes for that evening. Well coifed businessmen moved among young adults, dressed for a night out at the clubs. Couples were cuddling on benches and near pleasant fountains, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears and laughing at unheard jokes. Rough groups of testosterone-filled men were roaming, eyes like those of hunters seeking prey, looking for trouble to start up or women to throw their best attempts at seduction at. All those moving about looked as if they had few concerns in the world beyond what to entertain themselves with. They were carefree and occupied with matters of pleasure and business, seemingly untouched by the reality of the dangers surrounding them.

No one seemed to notice Liara and her companions. It was an odd feeling to not stand out as soldiers on some mission, but to merely blend into a crowd, most just assuming they were like any number of couples that night. Liara, arm in arm with Shepard, felt a peace she had not experienced in awhile. For the moment, they were not warriors or on some dangerous and galaxy-spanning mission, but merely people who could enjoy the company of friends.

"It is a very beautiful night, isn't it Sheena?" Liara said as they gently maneuvered through the throngs of people around them.

"It is. I am glad we can spare time to spend with each other." Shepard responded.

Spend with each other. Liara's heart lightened, her nervousness abated hearing those words.

Behind them Ashley seemed to be dragging Garrus by the arm, like some parent leading a rebellious and stubborn child.

They finally arrived at their destination. It was off the beaten path, a single lamp lighting the entrance and a simple sign indicating the name "Renaissance".

"This is it!" Shepard said excitedly. She reached for an ornate handle on a door and in doing so opened up a world Liara had not experienced.

Liara marveled at what she saw, unfamiliar with the décor and the styling of the place. The lights were low and music very different from what one might expect on the Citadel. There were no electronic beats or dark rhythms rather a large piano near the center of the room and a small group of well dressed women playing stringed instruments of some kind. There were booths and tables, each with a small lamp in the center casting a gentle glow. All were dressed very well. Women in long dresses, hair styled and hands and necks well jeweled. Men wore suits and shirts with fancy cuffs, some puffing away at cigars and cigarettes. Most everyone seemed to be human as well, with a few scattered asari and a single volus who seemed to stick out. Everything reeked of elegance, sophistication, and as well as a sense of something old, traditional, not at all like the edgy, gizmo-worshipping halls that marked the rest of the station. It felt like they had been transported to an entirely different time.

"This place looks expensive…" Garrus remarked.

"Don't worry. I am handling it." Shepard responded.

A man in a black suit wearing white gloves quickly approached the party and bowed before he spoke.

"Commander Sheena Shepard, I presume?" he said, his voice deep and professional, a look in his eyes of well trained servitude.

"Yes. We are a party of four, as I said when I made the reservation." She responded.

"Excellent. I am to assume you are couples, for seating purposes?"

Garrus and Ashley shot each other a look of disdain at the prospect of considering their pairing a couple, but both had already resigned themselves to their fates for the sake of Shepard and Liara.

Liara was more surprised to feel the Commander's arm now wrap itself around her waist, as if she was marking the asari as her own.

"Yes. The asari woman is Doctor Liara T'Soni, my companion for the evening. My other two friends are Garrus Vakarian and Chief Ashley Williams." Shepard continued, motioning to each person as she introduced them.

"Good to meet all of you. I hope your evening is very enjoyable. I am Aaron, and if you will follow me I shall seat you." The man said as he nodded. He led them quickly away through groups of seated people intensely wrapped up in their little bubble worlds, the sounds of clattering glasses and the mutterings of conversation a constant throughout.

As they sat in a half-circular booth, Shepard placed herself near Liara while Garrus and Ashley uncomfortably sat near one another, allowing a gap of safety between them to avoid any chance of accidental and intimate contact.

"Just to make you aware that an opportunity for dancing will take place on the main floor within an hour. Someone will be along shortly to take your orders."

With that, their host left them to their own devices.

The night began well, with each person sitting feeling a great weight lifted off them no longer being aboard the Normandy. Even during off times, the confines of a military ship never let you forget your place and role as well as the constant danger you were in. Here in this place, everyone began to feel at ease, even "normal".

Dinner came as did wine and everyone was satisfied. Garrus and Ashley even seemed to thaw towards one another. Garrus listened with some interest to Chief Williams rattling off lines of poetry, perhaps drunkenly, while Ashley endured the overwrought stories of the turian. While there was no indication of a sprouting "romance" between the two, it seems that for the time being they were dropping their defenses and showing signs of a friendship, at least.

As their two companions became drawn into their own conversation, Liara and Shepard found themselves with time of their own to speak.

"I have never been anywhere like this before, Sheena." Liara remarked, considerably weighed down with the copious amounts of good, but heavy, food she had just eaten while wine worked its own magic on her.

"Do you like it? It's a piece of old Earth. Humans can be a…sentimental people at times." Shepard responded.

"I do! It's just so different from anything I have experienced. Very formal, but open and warm. The music is intriguing to me as well. I wonder if I might have a copy of this…"

Shepard laughed.

"Of course, Liara. I am sure they can get a copy around to you."

Suddenly, the music stopped and a man appeared on the center of the room.

"Dancing is integral in the human experience," he said, "and on this floor we do exhibit that humanity can move with the grace and composure of any species!"

People began clapping and soon the music began again, this time less of a background noise but more of an intense focus of the room. Couples began to move to the floor and Liara could not help but raise an eyebrow at what these humans considered dancing.

To asari, to dance was a fluid, free-form, experience. To press flesh against flesh, falling into one another as crashing waves was the asari way. More than that, it was also allowed one exhibit their own skill, many times the two dancers coming apart and, with hands and feet, giving the other a show as if to impress. To many this seemed very erotic while to asari it was how they expressed their innate desires to touch others and come together, taking their partners into themselves.

This was very different. First, the music had changed as new instruments joined the chorus. There was a large bass instrument of some kind, more string violins, the piano and finally several people playing an odd, box-shaped keyboard contraption that seemed to expand and contract.

"An accordion…" Shepard whispered to her, seemingly as if reading Liara's mind.

"They say the tango was made by God and perfected by the devil." She continued a smirk on her face.

The dancing seemed so…restrained, each person keeping the other apart, almost staring away from the others face. Their movements were slow, methodical, and clean. It seemed as if at times the top part of the couples bodies were locked into one another and their legs were moving in a complex motion that Liara was not familiar with. Strange as it was, it began to draw the asari in, almost mesmerizing her.

She felt Shepard grab her hand and begin to rise.

"You can dance, right Liara?" Shepard said.

Liara suddenly was overcome with a terrible nervousness.

"I have been taught the moves of my people…but…"

"Then join me." Shepard insisted.

Liara could not even muster the words to say no. She found herself being led into the center of the room, the focus of everyone's attention, and towards a neatly coordinated crowd of moving bodies.

They waited until a new song was beginning and Shepard led Liara forward now. Liara suddenly became very aware that the rest of the dancers were clearing out and all eyes were now on this single couple: a human woman and asari.

"Shepard…I…I don't know how to do this…" Liara said, now incredibly self-conscious and even fearful.

"Give yourself to me, Liara. I will lead and you just simply follow my every movement. There are no mistakes in this dance, just keep yourself with me."

With that, Shepard gently pulled Liara's hand up and, bowing slightly, kissed it. She then nodded to the band.

"This is the first time for my lovely partner…" she said.

The men and women with their instruments nodded understandingly.

Shepard took one of Liara's hands into hers and extended it outwards. She then took the asari's other arm and placed it on her shoulder. Their faces were nearly side by side opposite each other. The violins began to slowly play, and they both began to move, at first a slow, gentle swaying. Shepard playfully dipped Liara backwards briefly and they continued their movement. She did her best to match the so far simple foot movements of Sheena and was relieved that nothing more complex had so far tested her.

Then the piano interjected and the music was no longer ponderous but moved quicker, as did Shepard. Liara could not help but smile and even partially laugh, not in jest but at simply being so thoroughly overwhelmed. The total focus shown in their steps belied a strong, but restrained sexual tension more potent than anything any asari dance could produce. Liara was totally dominated by Sheena, completely surrendering her being to every step, dip, and turn of face. They spun around the floor with coordinated ease and soon her head was resting beneath Sheena's, so close and intimate. She felt such passion, even love, bubbling in her that Liara feared she would explode with the tension, but instead merely gave of herself more to her capable leader.

The music would switch, from slower, more patient moves to quicker and more aggressive turns. Shepard then began to spin her, one hand raised, again and again as if she was an instrument or toy herself. They moved around the floor, their bodies inseparable. Suddenly the music began to fade and then finally stopped. Liara found herself held from behind and then turned around one last time, meeting Shepard's gaze.

When their movements ceased and they slowly pulled away from one another, Liara attempted to catch her breath, and emotions, from such a performance. She looked around at the crowd of smiling faces and soon they all began to clap.

Shepard led her away back to the booth as people remarked at how wonderful they had been together.

"You know, Liara, usually it is a man who leads, funnily enough. You were a capable partner and made me look all the better for my bucking of tradition!" Shepard said as they came upon their table.

Ashley and Garrus beamed like proud parents, each then turning and giving the other a congratulatory look.

Everything seemed to be clicking for Liara that night. As they sat back in their booth, she leaned into Shepard and found open arms greeting her. Ashley dragged Garrus away for a supposedly important reason, though her obvious winking at Liara gave her true intentions away.

They were alone now. Music and dancing still going on around them, the entire world aflutter, yet all that mattered was the two people now sitting together.

"Sheena?" Liara asked.

"Yes?"

The asari finally felt that the combination of wine and their dancing had given her enough false courage to speak her mind.

"I…I have wanted to talk to you for awhile about something."

"Oh?"

"Yes. About us."

Shepard bit her lip in anticipation. Liara couldn't tell if she was excited or worried.

"Sheena, I…well, for awhile I have been watching you. We have talked; we have gotten to know one another. I feel like there is a connection between us…more than just…well, being friends?"

The commander looked thoughtful, as if she were considering how best to respond.

"Well…I had always thought you would be more interested in what was in my head, the Prothean's images, but…"

Liara became defensive.

"No! Not just that Shepard. Well…maybe at first, but I think I can say I have seen more of you than just your head…"

Shepard raised an eyebrow. Liara realized that she had seen the other woman naked and that statement sounded very odd.

"You…you know what I mean…what is in your head." Liara said.

"I know what you mean, Liara. I can't pretend to be blind to what is happening between us. To be honest I am surprised you would be interested in me. I find myself flattered, but a bit afraid…"

"Afraid, Sheena?"

Sheena's face suddenly became dark with hidden memory.

"Liara…I do not have much experience with friendship, as I said. Worse, I have none with…well…what we are talking about here."

_What were they talking about?_ Liara thought. In the asari mind, there was a bonding, a merging of two people. She wondered what Shepard's impression was.

"Well, I am a maiden myself Shepard. I don't have a lot of experience with being intimate with someone."

It seems her words were chosen incorrectly as Sheena suddenly gulped deeply and she winced as if some pain had been caused to her.

"Ah, I mean intimate like being more than friendly with someone. Close friends. Companions…eh…lovers?" Liara said, looking for the right words to turn the conversation from a seemingly declining point.

Shepard sighed. "I know what you meant Liara, I just…thought of something else briefly. I haven't been in a real relationship in my life. That doesn't mean I haven't…" Her words trailed off.

"Well, what I mean is that I haven't had a relationship, simply put. I don't know…with the mission and everything it just seems like a…a bad time…don't you think?"

Liara had not wanted to hear those words, even as much as she had thought them herself.

"I…you are right. But…part of me thinks that we don't know what the future holds for us…we asari are very careful, sometimes to a fault. I wouldn't want to lose the opportunity we have here, to have some time together, no matter what happens in the days to come." Liara hoped her words made a convincing case.

They sat there for awhile, the conversation sinking into both their heads. Finally, Shepard spoke again.

"Liara…I can't lie. I want this. To be with you, that is. I have for awhile. I am…captivated by you. You are so very different from any women I have known. So intelligent and beautiful with a kind heart and caring manner…"

Liara smiled at the flattering words.

"More than that, I can see myself really…really finding some happiness with you. Like I said though, I am fearful. I come with a lot of baggage, to tell you straight up. There is a lot you do not know about me, that I have not told anyone. If I begin to show that side to you, I am afraid you will…turn away right when I begin to need you most…"

Liara ran her hand over Shepard's cheek and then down to her chin. She focused the attention of the other women directly into her eyes.

"Sheena, listen to me. I want you to open up to me, and no matter what is inside, I want to share that with you. You can lay down your burdens with me and I with you. We asari are not so different in that regard when it comes to relationships. I want to share the good and special moments as well as those that were perhaps not so much. In doing that…we become one."

"You say that Liara…but…"

A burst of alcohol fueled courage hit Liara and she didn't allow the commander to finish her sentence. Pulling Sheena's face towards her own, she kissed her. Her lips grabbed at Shepard's, tugging lightly and releasing. She pulled back and looked to see the results of her daring action.

Shepard looked a bit stunned, but recovered very quickly. With swift decisiveness she pulled at Liara this time, their lips meeting again, this time for more than a peck. For what seemed like the best moments of their lives thus far, they kissed again and again, long and deep as if trying to take in each other's essence.

They finally stopped, only to allow themselves time to breathe. Looking at one another, smiles came over both their faces.

"Well, that settles it then, Liara." Shepard said.

"So…"

"We are together. You and I…"

Liara could not help but grin at this proclamation. She buried herself in Sheena's arms and lay there, overflowing with happiness.

For a time they shared no words, just resting with each other. Nothing else seemed as important as their two bodies being close.

Suddenly, Liara felt Shepard's grip on her body tighten, not in affection, but almost as if in fear. She opened her eyes and saw Sheena's face, now gripped with a terrible expression of horror.

A man was before them. Well dressed with dark hair and a terrible countenance.

"It…can't be…not here…" Shepard muttered under her breath. She had leaned forward now, as if putting herself between this person and Liara.

The man smiled but not with good cheer but with a hideous sort of pleasure.

"Long have we have sought you, old friend. Yet here you are, in the arms of a lovely young woman. Not too unlike how we found you in the past, is it?" he said.

"Goddamn you…what do you want with me?" Shepard said in a low but angry tone.

"Yes, I remember now. She was a golden blonde, wasn't she? A different look, but not unlike your current partner in sweetness and virgin innocence…"

"Don't you talk to her! You TALK to me if you speak at all…"

"Oh, I have come to do more than speak, SHEPARD" he said, with a poisonous emphasis on the last word. "What an idiotic name that is. Truly, we were amused when we finally found you with such a new persona. Sheena Shepard, the last name indicating a sort of protection for a young lamb like yourself. Tell me, have you told your dear ladyfriend who you really are?"

Shepard was shaking in fury now. Liara put her arms around her waist in support.

"Who is this man, Sheena?" she asked.

"Finch. Alden Finch. You are Doctor Liara T'Soni, are you not?" the man answered as he looked directly at her.

"Don't speak to him Liara. He is a…"

"A memory. A constant pin prick that reminds you, in all your glory now, that you still yet bleed red. That you are a human, weak and frail as the rest of us…"

"Don't threaten me here, Finch. I am a SPECTRE now. I could kill you in this place without a second thought!"

"Threaten you?" he said, then releasing a terrible laugh.

"No, Charlene, this isn't about threatening you at all. It's always been about hurting you. Tearing you down, reminding you of what you did and who you REALLY are, not the fiction that has been created around you…"

Charlene. Was…was that Sheena's real name?

"I've grown up Finch! I am not afraid of you or HIM. I am not a little girl anymore to be batted around…" as Shepard said those words, she reached behind her and the sound of a pistol's safety releasing could be heard.

"Don't be so hasty here Charlene. I am not as alone as I appear."

Shepard scanned the room full of people. Her eyes were trained and soon she had picked out at least eight seemingly harmless individuals who were entirely too attentive to herself. They were outnumbered.

"What do you WANT, Finch?" she said, putting away her gun.

"Tell me," he said, ignoring the question, "Do you remember how many mothers wept for their sons thanks to you? Does your sweet little friend know how many bodies you piled up before you put on your uniform?"

"Sheena, what is he talking about?" Liara said, her voice strained with concern.

"I don't regret ANY of it, and you can tell ALL of them that. You stole from me…you tried to break me but I refused! I would kill them again, damn you, if I could! If you do not leave now, I don't care how many people you have, I will cut you open and leave your insides for dogs to pick at!" Shepard said.

Finch smirked. "So much the same. No matter the clothes, the eloquence, the company, you are like us more than you'd like to think."

"Fuck you." Shepard said, the curse word sounding so vile to Liara coming out of her mouth.

"We are HERE now, Charlene. We found you again and will not lose you."

"Are you so recklessly hateful? I am on an important mission now, a mission that could even save monsters like you!" Shepard shot back.

"That has nothing to do with it. This isn't about business or the future. This is about the streets of back home, the way we were, the life we led that made us who we are. Made YOU who you are. It's about things you did that we won't forget and will NEVER let you forget."

"Things I did?! You…you tortured me for so long. Haunting my every waking moment. Just leave me alone!"

"Open your hand, 'Shepard'" he said.

She didn't respond.

"Open your HAND, Shepard" he repeated.

Liara was frightened now; she didn't know what was happening. This was so jarring; to go from one moment of pure bliss to what seemed like terrible danger.

Shepard reached out slowly and unclenched her fist. With a quick motion the man slapped something into her grasp and closed her hand over it.

"We are going to make you remember, Charlene. Shepard. Whatever you call yourself. You will see us again soon. Goodnight, Doctor T'Soni!" he said, a hateful grin on his face as he turned and left.

Shepard was trembling now. Liara didn't know what to say.

"Shepard…what…what was that? Are you alright?" she asked.

She didn't respond. She just looked at her hand. She was sweating now and pale as a ghost.

She slowly unclenched her fist and looked at what had been placed there.

"What is that, Sheena?" Liara asked, not recognizing the small, folded card and its symbol.

"An ace of spades." Shepard responded, voice shaking.

"What does it mean?"

"Death."

* * *

**Note:**

**Not much to say here, it would give too much away. My point has always been to show why Shepard is who she is and perhaps hint at why Liara becomes who SHE is later (ME 2). We are getting to the point of revelation.**

**The next chapter might be appropriately titled "The Inhumanity of Man"**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Shepard collected herself after what was an untimely and unfortunate collision with her past. She quickly took the small card in her hand and smashed it into one of the pockets in her jacket. Running her fingers through her hair, she tried to pull herself together.

Liara, still grasping onto her from behind, had a look of tremendous concern painted across her face.

"Sheena, who was that man? What…what did he want with you?" Liara asked.

Shepard shook her head, as if dispelling some terrible vision. She turned, looking into the concerned eyes of the asari.

"Someone…someone very bad from my past. I did not expect that I would see him again…"

"Why…why was he calling you Charlene? What did he mean by what he was saying?"

Leaning back and untangling Liara's arms from her, Shepard held the hands of the worried woman, massaging her palms gently.

"Liara, this has been such a beautiful night. I would not have it spoiled by a demon. Let's not speak of this now. I promise…later…"

Liara was not satisfied with those words.

"Shepard! I just told you not a few moments ago that being 'together' meant shared effort, joint concerns. I…I want to know who that person was and why you look so terribly frightened."

A heavy sigh came from the commander. "Look, Liara. I will tell you then, but I do not want these precious moments totally ruined. Tonight you will…well, if you want to, stay with me for a time and I will answer your questions. Is that…is that alright?"

Liara nodded, then wrapping her arms and Shepard's neck and pulling the commander in for a kiss.

"Anyway, my dear, I think we have other problems on our hands…" Sheena said, allowing a smile to creep over her face.

The sight before them could not help but bring a comic element into an otherwise darkened situation. Garrus stood before them, but not alone. He held tightly to Ashley, who had totally lost her usual contentious and hardened demeanor and was now the image of a stumbling drunk.

"The CHIEF," Garrus began, "does not seem capable of holding her alcohol as well as I thought. I hate to ruin your night, Shepard, but I need to take her back…"

Shepard laughed, storm clouds seeming to have passed and light returning to her face.

"Well, it is alright Garrus. I do not think she'll make it back to the ship. Come…we can all stay somewhere not far from here and recover. I would not have what remains of our crew see Williams in this…sorry state."

Grasping Liara's hand in her own, Shepard stood and the party began to make its way out of the club and back now onto the dark and considerably quieter streets of the Citadel.

Liara and Shepard walked hand in hand, behind the struggling pairing before them.

"Damn it, Ashley. Hold it together!" Garrus could be heard saying in front of them.

Liara was quiet, trying her best to maintain a stoic image, but lines of worry still etched themselves across her forehead. Her freckled face, instead of rising with happiness, was now sunk in introspection.

Shepard squeezed Liara's hand. "Liara, there is nothing to worry about. I am no longer a child back on Earth and although I was shaken, there is really no need to be afraid for me. We will talk soon. At least until then, let us enjoy this rare night, shall we?"

The asari turned and smiled bravely. She released her hand from Shepard's and then wrapped herself around Sheena's torso, holding her tight. Together they continued their slow walk down the now lonely lanes of the Presidium. Only a few shaky night owls, themselves in a condition little better or sometimes far worse, than Ashley's now could be found. Everyone else was still locked away in some dark and sweaty club or had retired for the evening either for rest or more lustful purposes.

Finally Shepard stopped and called out to the party in front of her.

"Here we are. This hotel can take us in for the night…"

Looking at where they were to stay, Liara was visibly impressed. Two elaborately decorated columns marked the entrance to a well lit lobby. Everything visible inside spoke to such a place being only for a rich and powerful elite. She was surprised Shepard so casually turned to this place to rest.

"Come on, I will get us all rooms." Shepard said.

As they entered, the true grandeur of the hotel was revealed. Massive, arched ceilings and blazing chandeliers hung above them. All around were paintings of well-dressed individuals of a variety of species. The reception desk was not far from the entrance, but once inside you could see an almost cavernous expanse behind it, filled with fountains, restaurants and then pairs of elevators leading to what one could only imagine were well equipped rooms.

"You sure you can afford this place, Commander?" Garrus asked, a limp and muttering woman hanging at his side. Liara could not help but think the same, as even on Thessia such a place would seem extravagant.

Shepard shot him a hard look.

"My finances are in order and my own business. I enjoy being generous with the few friends I have."

"Ah…I didn't mean to…thank you, Shepard." Garrus said, stumbling over his words.

Shepard approached the receptionist, a dark blue, almost purple, asari with small markings of a red color across her cheeks and forehead.

"Good evening, Commander Shepard. It is good to see you again."

_Again? _It seemed that Sheena had expensive tastes. It seemed this night was bringing many surprises to Liara about the object of her affections.

"Always good to see you as well," Shepard responded, "We will need rooms for my friends and I."

"I am afraid we are nearly fully booked, Commander. I have only two rooms; One with two separate bedrooms and one luxury suite, itself with a single bed."

Shepard looked at her companions, sizing up the situation and deciding how best to parcel out what was available. Liara stepped forward and spoke for her.

"Shepard and I can take the one bedroom…" she said confidently. Shepard raised an eyebrow, surprised but pleased by this decision.

The receptionist furtively smiled at Liara's forthrightness and tapped away at the console before her. Garrus also snuck a smirk, even while being weighed down by ball-and-chain of Ashley. While he was unhappy to once again be tied to the human woman, he was at least satisfied that he would be insulated from her by several walls while they slept.

"Here you go Commander," the receptionist said, "the keys to your rooms. I hope you have enjoyable stay."

The company made their way to elevators which then began to take them to their destinations. After a time, a sudden stop indicated they had reached Garrus and Ashley's floor.

"Well, this is where we leave you," Garrus began, "You two have 'fun'. I will make sure to…"

Suddenly, Ashley raised her head and yelled. "I am a WARRIOR and a POET! My WORDS are like SWORDS…of both TRUTH and LOVE!" and with that mighty revelation, her head fell forward again and she spoke no more.

Garrus shook his head disapprovingly. "Yeah, Good Luck with all that Williams. Anyway, Good Night you two."

As Garrus dragged Ashley away he could be heard to say, "Damn it, Williams. If this place wasn't paid for in the Commander's name, I'd throw you right over the balcony…"

Chuckling, Shepard pressed a button on a panel in the elevator and they continued their journey upwards.

The startling realization hit Liara that they had just pierced the false "sky" of the Presidium and were now looking right out into space and out at the mighty arms of the Citadel itself. Not far away, the Citadel Tower rose like a defiant blade. In the distance, shining like glittering jewels, the Wards could be seen. Finally, the elevator stopped and before was a long hallway and two large doors before them.

"Well, this is our stop, Liara" Shepard said.

"Luxury" suite was an understatement, Liara realized. As the doors opened, a full view of space, the Citadel, and the Wards could be seen from a series of massive, nearly all encompassing windows. A small sunken sitting area was before them and then a huge bed, layered with pillows, could be seen beyond that. To the left and right were hallways, leading to what were presumably washrooms and even a kitchen area.

"This…is…Shepard…you didn't need to get such a…" Liara began, struggling to contain her awe.

"When you spend your time in a metal box aboard ship, it is nice to enjoy something grander. Don't worry about the cost; this is the 'junior' version of a space-view suite." Shepard said with a smile.

"Feel free to wash up and change. I think they provide some sort of sleep wear. I will be waiting for you…and as I promised, whatever questions you have."

Liara entered and made her way to an equally impressive bathroom. Cleaning herself up and finding a white, and warm, robe to wrap herself in, she made her way back to the main chamber. She found Shepard lying out on the bed, her omni-tool glowing as she manipulated it. She had put away her suit and was wearing only a simple white undershirt and gray shorts, which themselves revealed much more than they covered of her long, smooth legs. It seemed Sheena was as unashamed of her body as any asari.

As she approached, Shepard's omni-tool quickly disappeared and she stretched out across the bed. She then reached over to a small table near the bed and grabbed what seemed to be a cigarette of some kind. Drawing in deeply, she held her breath for a time, then from her nose and mouth rose only the slightest puffs of smoke.

Liara shook her head.

"Of all the wonderful things you humans might contribute to the Galaxy, I would say tobacco is the worst. A bad habit, Sheena…" she said.

A corner of the commander's lips rose in a self-satisfied smile.

"Good thing it's not tobacco then…"

"What is it?" Liara asked.

Shepard shook her finger.

"Only so much corruption in one night, Liara. I am already afraid to lead you down a dangerous path…"

Liara sighed, but then smiled and plopped herself on the bed next to Shepard. She laid her head down on Sheena and the other woman responded by wrapping her arms around her. For a time they lay there in gentle repose, Liara considering her next words with care.

"I know what you want to ask, Liara." Shepard said finally, breaking the silence.

Biting her lip, Liara began to speak.

"I'd like to know your story Shepard…a bit of the history that isn't so available. More importantly, I'd like to know who that terrible man was and what his words meant."

"Alden Finch," Shepard said, "is a horrible, soulless husk of a person. I knew him on Earth, as I did many of those who walked with him. They…"

Shepard stopped, her mouth agape as if words would not form though she wished to speak.

"They…they did terrible things to me Liara. They took things from me that cannot ever be recovered. They murdered my sister and in their spite tortured me. I managed to free myself from their grasp…but I could never truly escape them…"

Liara felt Shepard's chest rising and falling with quicker breaths as if her very being was struggling. She sensed much was being held back, but imagined those words alone were hard enough.

"I…I am sorry Shepard. If you don't want to…"

"No, Liara. It is ok. I haven't really told anyone about this before. It…it is almost liberating to be able to tell someone who isn't paid by the hour to listen."

"Why…why did they call you Charlene?"

Shepard shifted uncomfortably. She then sighed heavily, as if some deep and dark place in her being was being finally opened, letting all it's held in air finally release.

"As I said, I escaped physically, for a time, but could not truly…rid myself of them. They hated me, a pointless, vengeful feeling that drove them to pursue me out of the devils of their nature. They found me again and…"

Suddenly Shepard began to shake, ever so slightly. Liara looked up and saw her lip trembling and eyes looking as if they were glass. The façade of the impenetrable warrior was cracking.

"Oh, Sheena. I did not mean to…"

"No. I need to tell you this. I owe it to you."

After a few more moments, Sheena spoke again.

"I tried to start my life over, Liara. Somewhere far from where I was born. I made the best effort I could to try to recover some of…some of what shreds of innocence and childhood were left in me. I began to do so, but then they came again. They judged me for what the things I had to do to escape them, they never forgot. They extracted a terrible vengeance not on me but on those I had come to care about. They left me broken again. After that, I…I went after them. I did my share of bloody work, no longer content to chase a lost dream but instead wanting them to share in my nightmares. They suffered, Liara. They suffered greatly…"

Shepard's eyes were narrowed, her lips flat. Her whole demeanor had changed into something not resembling a soldier, but a fiercely determined woman, separate from duty and honor that a uniform might provide.

"That time was one of the lowest in my life. Eventually my acts caught up with me, and with that I was given a choice to either face a lifetime behind gray walls or try to redeem myself with the career I have now. I guess my biotic talent did something to save me, or so they said. Maybe they felt bad for me, another example of a broken and tragic society that forgets its own. Either way, I became a soldier. Charlene Sun was no more; long dead in the same room my sister breathed her last. Sheena Shepard is who I am today. Now, they want to hurt me here, but I am no weak and frail girl. I am a SPECTRE, a Commander of an Alliance ship. They will try to shake me, but they know better than to act against me."

Liara had never experienced true pain like that which Shepard spoke of. Even the loss of her mother was tempered with the fact that her whole life had been one of privilege. She had never wanted, not really, and anything she desired was given to her. Other asari had been envious of her, even while they pretended to be her friend because of who her mother was and what she represented. She had killed, but out of self-defense. She felt guilty holding onto the woman near her. How much stronger was she even considering how little she had been granted in this life. Another part of her though was proud, even happy to be associated with someone so strong. It was almost an aphrodisiac, in an odd way.

Liara raised her head up and kissed Shepard, almost as if trying to take in her hurt and lift a the burdens the woman carried. She then tightened her embrace.

"You are stronger than the sum of your experiences, Sheena. You are stronger because of it. I am so thankful that I met you…"

Shepard smiled and kissed the top of Liara's head.

"I am glad I met you…"

"Maybe…maybe we can talk about happier things if you want…" Liara said.

"I'd like that. Not ALL of my past was ugly. I do have some good memories of childhood."

"What were you like as a child, Sheena?"

Shepard began to laugh.

"A big NERD." She said.

"A what?" Liara asked, an eyebrow raised in confusion over such a word.

"You know, a nerd. A geek. Hm, I guess someone very bookish and not very good at social skills. I did not have many friends, even back then."

"So…like me?" Liara asked.

"I wasn't as pretty as you, nor was I a genius like yourself to make up for other factors. I just read a lot and stayed inside." With that Shepard turned and, leaning on one arm, looked into Liara's eyes. "My sister tried to protect me from the world. She did her very best to lock me away like some caged dove. I was mad at her back then, envious of everyone around me who had their 'freedom'. That supposed freedom was just neglect though. Running through the streets, fighting, scrounging and scraping. I didn't understand she was preserving me back then. Sometimes, the most precious things are worth shielding, holding on to, from the harshness of this Galaxy."

Sheena then ran her hand over Liara's face, from her cheek down to her chin. The asari felt warmth emanating from the touch.

"When you find something so rare and precious, you ought to preserve it. Little rays of hope left in Pandora's Box, even as all other evil is unleashed. Some of us bear those sins so that others don't have too…"

Liara just stared into the eyes of Sheena. Something was tugging at her heart, something indescribable. In one moment, she felt such horrendous anguish coming from Shepard. In the other, she saw such kindness and yearning, like that of a doe-eyed child. As much as the woman in front of her put the idea aside, there was some measure of a lost little girl in those eyes, even after all the terror they had seen. Liara wondered what she HAD witnessed, but she was content with knowing just what she did so far. She didn't want to push any further, fearing the commander would turn away.

"We are so different, you and I," Shepard continued, "even if I wanted to, I could never be like you, Liara. You are wonderful and unique. There are two kinds of creatures on my world. Predators and prey. Some are content to live a life of balance and go about their business causing no harm or strife. Others are driven by their very nature to consume, destroy, and tear down. That is what I do, Liara. I destroy, I kill, I maim and obliterate in the often vain hope that things will be better for it. You…you discover, you build, you restore. I am a fanning flame, you are the cool water the gives life to a new day…"

Liara had never heard such words before, or even the manner in which they were spoken. The softness, the almost musical manner in which Sheena spoke was unexpected but not unwelcome. It was if there was no soldier in front of her, no thickly armored master of weapons. Instead, there was a woman who, despite her rearing in poverty, was more sophisticated and artful than Liara could ever hope to be. She felt terribly inadequate.

"So, Sheena," Liara began, a gentle smile on her lips, "am I just to be your prey then?"

Shepard shook her head slowly, almost as if she were mesmerized by the sight of the asari.

"No, Liara. You are far too strong for that. You are not some docile beast munching on grass. Neither are you a violent force, though. You are something else. That is why I even feel bad being with you…"

"Bad? Whatever for, Shepard?" Liara said, as her eyes widened with surprise.

"I don't know. Maybe my dirt will rub off on you eventually…"

Liara shook her dead in disappointment. She pressed her face against Shepard's, the tops of their heads touching, their noses rubbing against each others.

"Whatever you are Shepard, I am bound to share, for better or worse. That is how I would want it to be. That is what I have chosen."

"That path has an uncertain ending, Liara…"

"No road is so certain, Sheena. We cannot see where we will end up, but I choose to cling to you, no matter what comes."

Shepard looked visibly touched by those words. No one had ever made such an admission to her. She didn't know what to say. Liara had barely known her but a few months and now she found herself bound to her.

She didn't need words to show her affection. With a quick motion she rolled on top of Liara, now giving her a penetrating look.

"Shepard…" Liara said meekly.

The commander took charge of the situation, as she was used to doing in her profession. Pressing her lips against the asari's, silencing her objections, she began her assault. Liara's body rose against hers as if drawn like a moth to flame.

"Sheena, I…ah…" Liara was almost breathless now under the heat of Shepard's passion. She spoke no more, shutting her eyes and holding tightly.

* * *

There was no sound from the space outside their windows; Just the sight of ships and shuttles moving back and forth, the yellow-light lifeblood of the Citadel.

Liara's eyes were still closed, her breathing finally slowing down. Her body had never felt the kinds of things it had just passed through. Her mind was still buzzing, trying to take it all in. As a maiden, she was supposed to take in new experiences. In those moments with Shepard, she felt as if she had taken in a lifetimes worth.

She finally opened her eyes and turned, finding Shepard sitting up in their bed. She was still fully clothed, but was now wearing an almost cocky smile on her face. Her eyes were closed, as if she too were taking everything in.

"Well, you look pleased with yourself…" Liara said.

Shepard didn't respond, her self-assured look still hanging over her face.

Liara suddenly felt selfish. Looking at Sheena she realized that their time together had been an almost entirely one-sided affair. She had been subject to Sheena, but had done nothing for her.

"That was amazing, Sheena," Liara said, "I wonder if you misspoke when you counted yourself as inexperienced…"

Suddenly she realized what a terribly stupid thing that might have been to say. She awaited some bad response for Shepard, but it did not come.

"You were my experiment, Liara." Sheena said, eyes still closed.

"Well, I guess you have proven whatever hypothesis you might have held…" Liara responded with a slight chuckle. "I…I may not know much about such things, Shepard. But…what about you?" As she said the words, she put her hand on Sheena's thigh.

With a quick reaction, Shepard's hand grabbed Liara's. It held her in a tight grip, but quickly softened. Sheena opened her eyes, and a quick flash of what was a look of shock, almost fear on her face, passed.

"It…it is alright, Liara. That was for you. You have given much to me already. I am…fine. Really."

Liara's face was twisted with confusion, but she accepted the response. She lay back down in bed, still looking at Sheena.

"You should rest, Liara. I do not think Garrus and Ashley shall be up anytime soon, considering the likely troublesome night they have had together. Sleep as much as you'd like. I will be here when you awaken." Shepard said.

"I would rather watch you, Sheena." Liara responded.

"Hah! I fear I am not as interesting a sight as you might imagine…"

Shepard then turned and looked at Liara.

"Whenever I could not rest, my sister would sing to me…"

"I'd think I'd like that very much, Sheena." Liara said softly.

Sheena smiled and closed her eyes again.

"This song is usually for a parent and child, an experience I never had. I think it suits us tonight though, if you look past its original intent."

With that, a voice as if from the highest heavens began to sing.

_Goodnight, my angel  
Time to close your eyes  
And save these questions for another day  
I think I know what you've been asking me  
I think you know what I've been trying to say  
I promised I would never leave you  
And you should always know  
Wherever you may go  
No matter where you are  
I never will be far away_

_Goodnight, my angel  
Now it's time to sleep  
And still so many things I want to say  
Remember all the songs you sang for me  
When we went sailing on an emerald bay  
And like a boat out on the ocean  
I'm rocking you to sleep  
The water's dark  
And deep inside this ancient heart  
You'll always be a part of me_

_Goodnight, my angel  
Now it's time to dream  
And dream how wonderful your life will be  
Someday your child may cry  
And if you sing this lullaby  
Then in your heart  
There will always be a part of me_

As the song finished, Shepard looked over at the now sleeping Liara. Sighing, she slid down into the sheets and turned away. Her smile and sunny demeanor melted away. Now, alone in the darkness, her thoughts and fears began to creep from the recesses of her mind. What solace she had found in the waking hours with Liara was now crumbling. She had lied to Liara. She was afraid, and very much so. She just needed to hold it together for a few more days and they would be gone from this place.

Closing her eyes tightly, she drifted into all too familiar nightmares.

* * *

**Note: Yeah, I know I said I was wrapping it up, but it all came to me how I can take this to where the current Liara story ends and really end it as nicely as Bioware's plot could allow thus far. **

**I make no more promises about how long this will take but to say at least for the ME 1 portion we are near the end. Also, thank you to Billy Joel for his wonderful song and its lyrics!**

**~KL**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Liara woke up covered in layers of warm blankets. Yawning and rubbing her eyes, blurry as they were still struggling to bridge the gap between dreams and waking, she scanned her surroundings. Rising, she looked behind her and was shocked back into reality. She could see the arms of the Wards, ships coming and going, floating gently through space, and the purplish nebula beyond it all, thin wispy strands giving an almost heavenly appearance.

Turning, she saw another figured curled up in a fetal position near her. Smiling, she gently pushed herself against the sleeping woman, cuddling tightly to her body from behind. She felt a small reaction as Shepard wiggled into her embrace.

"Good Morning, Sheena" Liara said, planting a small kiss on the woman's cheek.

Shepard opened a single eye, looking at Liara and seemingly taking a few moments to familiarize herself with the person above her. Upon recognizing her love, a smile came over her face.

"Is it really morning?" Shepard responded.

Liara laughed. On the Citadel, there were no REAL day and night cycles, so for all she knew it was night again. Turning, she looked at a small clock that tracked the 20-hour days aboard the station.

"We have been sleeping seven hours." She said.

"Seven, is it? I kept waking up during the night…"

Giving a playful pout, Liara rubbed Shepard's head.

"Oh, I am sorry. I shouldn't have woken you. You probably need as much sleep as you can get."

Shepard just shifted without speaking.

"I'll let you rest Sheena. Maybe I should go check on Ashley and Garrus…"

"That may be a good idea. It would be a terrible loss to have Ashley struck down by one of her own crew…" Shepard said with a grin.

Kissing Shepard's cheek again, Liara got out of bed and went to the restroom to prepare for the day. Once done with her morning rituals, she noticed her familiar and well worn green-white suit folded on a nearby chair.

As if sensing her astonishment, Shepard spoke.

"I had them sent for. I didn't think you'd want to wear eveningwear around the Citadel or a revealing robe, as much of a sight for sore eyes that may be for the men and women on this station."

Liara chuckled. Getting ready and then going for the door she looked back one last time at the resting figure of Shepard. Smiling to herself, she departed.

"What the hell are you so happy about?" Garrus said as he opened the door to a beaming asari. His eyes were drooping and what emotions one could read from his face were not of a positive inclination.

"Well, good morning to you too Garrus. I have come to check on you and…"

"That drunk?! She kept me up ALL night. I had thought some human women cute before, but you hold back someone's hair while they deposit the entire night's meal into a toilet and see if that is erotic for you. Even worse, she kept pawing me and saying I was someone named 'Mr. Darcy' and asking if I was here to 'wed' her. Bad, bad stuff."

Liara grimaced at that revelation, but she entered nonetheless.

"Well, do you need anything Garrus?" Liara inquired.

"Yeah, some more sleep." He said. As he headed back to his room, he turned one last time to Liara.

"Why are you SMILING so much?!" he said as he shook his head, "Eh, at least someone…" and with that he departed, the rest of his statement trailing off.

Shrugging her shoulders, Liara slowly opened the door to the opposite bedroom. Looking inside the darkened room, she saw a giant lump, rising and falling with relaxed breaths, on a bed. As she approached, she noticed that despite Garrus' grumpy attitude, he must have taken care to tuck Ashley in gently as she looked quite comfortable.

"Ash? Are you ok?" Liara said quietly, afraid to poke the woman.

A loud groan was the response.

"Maybe you should get up and walk around with me, Ash…"

The woman turned around, showing her back to the asari.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Liara gently pushed Ashley.

"Come on Ashley, you need to eat something."

Turning, wearing a frustrated expression, Ashley looked her over. Ascertaining that her concern was genuine, she slowly began to raise her body up.

"What happened last night?" she said, obviously in some discomfort.

"I think you may have drunk too much alcohol, Ash."

"NO!" Ashley said loudly, protesting such a claim, "It was Garrus' fault. He MADE me try more 'masculine' drinks in some twisted contest. I should have never…"

"He did take care of you last night, Ash, to be fair."

Ashley mumbled something and began to get out of bed.

"Let me clean up a bit and we'll go outside then…"

As she made her way to the bathroom, Ashley stopped as if some great thought now popped into her head.

"Why are you so ha…" She began to say, suddenly it seemed as if some of her faculties returned to her as she smiled broadly and approached Liara. "Ah…someone is in VERY good spirits this morning." With that, the soldier took Liara completely by surprise by using a single hand and slapping the asari on the lower back.

"I do not know what you are referring to Chief Williams! I am a generally agreeable person…" Liara protested.

"Hah! Sure thing. We are going to have to TALK once we get outside of this place." With that Ashley directed Liara to wait outside.

After what seemed a lifetime, Ashley and Liara made their way to a small café on the Presidium. Sitting on a round table with a decorative umbrella above them, ostensibly to shield them from "the sun", they began their morning.

Ashley wore a pair of very, very dark sunglasses, which seemed odd to Liara.

"Those are pretty big glasses, Ash…"

"I feel like I am going to DIE, Liara. My head is pounding and the light from that damn holographic sky or whatever is bothering me…"

Grabbing the attention of a waiter, Ashley quickly rattled off several orders.

"…Also, black coffee. BLACK, strong coffee. Keep it coming too…" she said to the waiter.

"So," Ashley began, "how did last night go?" As she said the words, a small twinkle in her eye could be registered to those perceptive enough.

"Very well."

"It looked like it. Quite a pair you two were on the dance floor…"

"I think Shepard should be credited for that…"

Ashley took a long drink of her hot coffee and began again.

"SO…what happened after we parted company?"

"Well, we talked for awhile. It felt really good. Shepard opened up to me about a lot of things. Her childhood, some of the challenges she faced. I was very happy to talk to her."

"So, to get it straight, you two are a couple now?"

The question was jarring to Liara, causing her to slightly reel back at its delivery.

"Well…well, we did talk about that. I guess you could say we are…umm…lovers?"

Ashley's face registered disgust.

"Ugh, that word is so WEIRD. Makes me feel like we are talking about some extranet porn flick. You are her GIRLFRIEND then?"

"I…I guess if that's what you humans call it."

"Mhmm…" suddenly Ashley turned and called out to the waiter, "I said BLACK by the way, not FLAVOURED…"

The rather snooty human turned and shot a glare at Ashley before walking away.

"Yeah?! Well screw you TOO, pal! See if I tip you…"

"Ash…"

"Ah, he's a jerk. Anyway. So tell me more! What else happened?" She said with an excited look, or as excited a look as one who was recovering from near alcohol poisoning, could give.

"Well, we went to sleep after that." Liara said firmly.

Ashley rolled her eyes. "No, REALLY. What happened?"

Liara began to squirm in her seat with discomfort.

"I don't know what you are trying to say Ashley."

Sighing heavily, Ashley leaned forward, "Look Liara. We may be different species, but we are both women here. I 'know' what happened. I can read it in your face, your body language, the fact you have been smiling the ENTIRE time I have been with you."

Now self-conscious, Liara placed her hand over her mouth.

"Oh, c'mon! There's nothing to be ashamed of, "Ashley said, leaning back in her chair, "We all have needs, Liara. You can tell me!"

"For someone who purports to be very religious, you seem very interested in sex, Ash."

With that, Ashley sprung to life.

"Aha! So YOU DID do something! Details, details!" she said as she snapped her fingers.

"It…it seems like it should be private, Ashley."

A look of disapproval came over Ashley's face.

"Look, Liara. I had to sit for hours listening to Garrus complain about his father's expectations, talk about C-Sec regulations and how they 'throttled' him, and then he went on and on about different types of rifles. The closest I am going to come to action on the Normandy is through you so far. Hell, you may be the only one on the entire damn ship who has anything WORTH reporting anyway. We are friends right? You can tell me…"

Sighing heavily, Liara surrendered.

"Fine. You have to promise to tell no…"

"I am OFFENDED you'd even think I would tell anyone else!"

LIara smiled to herself. Realizing Ashley spent most of her time by herself anyway, she felt she had little to fear. She leaned in close and whispered to Ashley. Throughout the conversation, the human's eyes would widen, she would inhale quickly, playing the shocked role, and in general was very emotive in her surprise. Finally, Liara's tale was told. The asari leaned back; arms crossed, and could not help but give a cocky grin.

"Well, is your curiosity satiated, Ashley?" she said.

Ashley was fanning herself with one hand.

"Well, damn Liara. I didn't even know some of that stuff was physically possible. That's some stamina the Commander has. If only she were a man…" she said wistfully.

"Might I have some competition in that case?" Liara asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Competition? Naw. I don't compete, Liara. When I enter the race, the others might as well not even bother to lace their shoes." She said with a wicked expression on her face.

Liara could only laugh. The waiter returned and informed them of the charges for that day.

"Will there be anything else, ma'am?" he said to Liara, bowing gracefully.

"No, I think that will be it, thank you."

"And for you?" he said, turning to Ashley with an expression as if some terrible odor and its source were before him.

"Yeah. I didn't order a side of attitude with my breakfast. You can leave that off next time." She said. The man shook his head and walked away.

With that, the two decided to spend the rest of their time together browsing through some of the shops on the Citadel. In one alley, they found a number of stalls and a hodge-podge of races plying their wares. Ash got into a very intense conversation with a volus over some trinket and Liara continued on her way, scanning to see if anything interested her.

"Well hello there, madam. Might you see if something I offer catches your eye?" a man said, appearing out of seemingly nowhere. He was a human with slightly graying hair. He had a swarthy complexion and was well built, but seemed friendly enough.

"I am just looking right now, thank you." Liara responded.

The man was insistent, following her.

"I have many wonderful and rare things. For yourself and that graceful figure of yours? Perhaps a friend? Boyfriend? Perhaps even a ladyfriend?"

The gentleman was certainly trying his best.

"I am afraid I am just browsing, sir. Thank you, though." Liara said again, trying to distance herself from him.

"Are you certain? As I said, I have many RARE items…" with that he produced something from a jacket he wore and presented to Liara.

Her heart stopped. Pausing and looking at the small, decorated orb, she could only stare in amazement. It was a Prothean artifact of some kind. It was beautifully decorated and in good condition.

"Where…where…did you get that?!" she said excitedly.

"As I said, many of my wares are extremely hard to come by. That is why my stall is hidden away, for fear of nosy C-Sec officers or others. Would you like to see more?"

Nodding, as if almost in a trance Liara followed him. Along the way, he talked endlessly about the Prothean's and his interest in other 'lost' species. He was exceptionally well informed and impressed her with his knowledge. She was so enthralled she didn't realize the hustle and bustle of the previous streets had now grown quiet. The alleys they walked in were now emptied.

Finally, he began to slow down.

"We are almost there," he said, "As I was saying, my friend, it was a terrible tragedy what happened to the Protheans. A beautiful civilization, snuffed out in a flash."

"Indeed." Liara responded.

"It's sad, isn't it? Sometimes the most precious things can be snuffed out in a moment and those who seek or possessed them are all the emptier for it."

"I guess that is true."

"True beauty should be protected, lest it be lost. It is a dark day when such things are taken so suddenly, is that not right Doctor T'Soni?"

Liara froze. She had never told him her name. She suddenly became all too aware that she was completely alone with him.

He turned slowly and looked right at her.

"I am sorry, Doctor T'Soni. It seems another great tragedy is about to play itself out." He had a look of mock-grief on his face, looking almost arrogant.

Time seemed to slow down, sound no longer arriving to her ears as it once did. She felt something hot streak across her face, then the wet feeling of something rolling down her cheek. Then she heard it, the sounds of firing guns, before she even saw the shooters.

She jumped quickly for the edge of a building to hide herself. In a fluid motion, she called forth a barrier around her, sheathing her in blue light.

"The bitch is a biotic!" someone yelled.

She peered over the corner where she hid to see her attackers, but as she did she reeled as a warp blast slammed into her. Gasping for air she became frantic. With one hand she sent out a wave of biotic force, causing two men to rise up into the sky. With another she punched the air, sending them flying. She heard the awful crack as their bodies slammed into a nearby wall.

Gunfire continued to rain down on her position. Those who were trying to kill her were all human, dressed in black and heavy shades over their eyes. Her barrier was fading and she had no weapons, armor, or any other shielding to protect her. She heard a "click-click" and low alarm as her assassins guns overheated.

"Shit! You fucked up!" someone yelled to their partner in this act. With that, they began to run, making a quick escape, their task seemingly a failure.

Liara sat, shaking in fear, but glad to be alive. She felt her face. Blood was running down the side of her head. She heard sirens approaching. She sat there, almost paralyzed. What had just happened?

* * *

The door to emergency room opened with a whoosh. Shepard moved quickly, a salarian doctor standing in front of her.

"How is she?"

"Fine. A bit shaken, but physically fine. A bullet just barely grazed her temple. If the gunman's aim had just slightly shifted…this would be a very different story. She is ready to leave whenever she collects herself, Commander."

"Thank you." Shepard said, dismissing the doctor. She approached the small bed where Liara was laying. Garrus and Ashley stood over her, a look of concern obvious in their faces.

"Garrus, what happened?"

"Liara said she was ambushed. Led away by some merchant. Four to six gunmen, she killed one and crippled another, bastards. These were no amateurs, though. Their shots were spot on for the most part and only her barrier saved her…"

Shepard rushed to Liara's side. She grabbed her hand and kissed it. Liara was lying on the bed and was obviously scared. A look of relief came over her face.

"Oh, Sheena. I am so glad to see you…"

"I am here Liara. I am so sorry…"

"It's my fault," Ashley said, "I shouldn't have lost track of her…"

"It's no one's fault," Garrus said, putting a comforting hand on the human's shoulder, "No one could have seen this coming. Someone has a hell of a lot of balls to take shots at us…"

"Someone…" Shepard muttered angrily. She stood quickly and tapped at her omni-tool.

"Here are some credits, Garrus. You and Ashley stay with her. Keep her somewhere near the ship…"

"Why don't we just take her back to the Normandy?" Ashley asked.

"No! They will know our ship…they might be waiting…"

"They?" Garrus asked.

"Anyway, keep her close. Don't let her out of your sight!"

"Yes, Commander. What will you do?" Ashley inquired.

Shepard's eyes narrowed, her face became hard in anger.

"I have to go pay a visit to a few people. A long overdue visit." She said.

She lay down beside Liara on the hospital bed. Ashley and Garrus took a cue and left them, going out to the waiting room. Holding the asari tightly to her, she kissed her again and again.

"I am going to protect you, Liara. I promise you." She whispered.

"From who Shepard?" Liara asked, nuzzling herself against Sheena.

"Don't worry about it. I am going to protect you. You just stay safe. Stay with our friends."

"Where will you go?"

Kissing Liara on the forehead, she did not respond. She lay there for some time, until Liara fell asleep. Rising carefully, she went for the door.

She wasn't Shepard anymore. Murder boiled in her being.

She was Charlene again, with a heart full of hatred and hands ready for bloody work.

* * *

**Note: Please review and let me know what you think thus far.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Note: This is an ugly chapter, to both read and write. If you want to understand Shepard though, and ultimately Liara (at least in my ME universe), it is critical. Ours can be a sad species…the lives we live far below what we are capable of.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Sentient Savagery**

The Universe is neither cruel nor kind. It just is. A collection of natural processes that give no regard to love, hope, dreams, or anything good or noble. If anything, it seems finely tuned at producing rocks, barren and lifeless worlds among the coldness of the void. When life does begin to sprout, it seemingly conspires to end it as quickly as it crawls forth out of primordial ooze. With blinding explosions or being drawn into nothingness, it is put out swiftly and mercilessly.

Even when, by some rare chance, such life becomes aware of itself, sentient, the Universe seems oblivious and continues to pile on catastrophes with a nearly mechanical regularity. War, famine, plagues which then lead to poverty, murder, and a host of other malign forces that seem, ultimately, designed to break down the living into their basest parts; blood to stone yet again, life into death.

There are no happy endings in the Universe, not really. There are just two points: the first where one is dragged kicking and screaming into existence and then the second, where we are returned to a permanent blackness.

Neither cruel nor kind, instead just a routine savagery of cycles, ebbing and flowing tides that wear down the best of things.

Charlene Sun, or Commander Sheena Shepard, had learned the harshness of the world well enough. She could never forget her place in the scheme of things, how like a fine gem she was at first, only to be ground down into dust and blown into the wind. Reborn, in some ways, but never the same glittering treasure, forever tainted by a previous destruction.

Shepard checked her pistol, now loaded with incendiary rounds. Caressing it gently, as if it were a friend, she locked it back into its safety mode and then placed it at her side. She was preparing herself, equipping her body for not a mission, but a simple vendetta, a clearing out. Next, a serrated-edge blade. Simple and as effective when it came to cutting flesh as it was to cleaving through lies. Another pistol this time, regular rounds but a back-up for its brother, just in case.

The door behind her swung open and soft footsteps could be heard.

"Shepard…" Liara said.

"I told you to stay with Ashley and Garrus. You shouldn't be here."

"I want to be here. I want to be wi…"

"This isn't your fight Liara. Leave me." Shepard said her back still turned and her agile fingers focusing on her preparations.

"Those people were from your past, weren't they Shepard? They worked for the ones who did those…awful things to you?"

"You don't know the half of it." Shepard said with a hint of annoyance.

Liara began to step forward now, the door behind her shutting firmly.

"Shepard. Sheena. This is my fight too, then. Let me come with you."

Shepard stopped, her hands now seemingly frozen. She snorted in disgust.

"Fight? Is that what you think this is, Liara?" she said as she turned to face the asari. She began to move forcefully towards her, every step pushing Liara further and further back into a wall.

"This isn't a 'fight' Liara, this is just plain killing."

"I…I have killed before Shepard. I can do it, when I have to…"

"When you have to, is it? Yes, you've killed. You've killed like Garrus and Ashley, like the rest of this military crew. From a thousand yards with a scope. With a hail of bullets and a thrill of glory. With medals and parades and all the pomp and circumstance that comes with doing a job well done against bad guys. This isn't THAT, Liara."

Now, Sheena had Liara trapped, her face unrecognizable in its intensity, her eyes staring into the asari's.

"Tell me Liara, have you ever felt what it's like to draw a blade against a man's stomach? Feeling as it catches against his guts as you pull it across, leaving a waterfall of thick, dark blood in its wake? Have you seen the agony in his eyes, felt the heat of his breath as he curses you in such indescribable pain?"

"I…I…"

"Have you ever had to dispose of a body before? Like REALLY dispose of it? Working in some stinking room with a bone saw, cutting away at limbs while sweat drips down your face? Blood squirts on you, putrid flesh piles up in heaps, white and lifeless and reeking? "

Liara was shaking now. She had never seen the things Shepard described and, more than that, she never expected to hear these things out of her mouth.

"What about shooting a man in the face, just so his family won't be able to bury him properly? Have you done that, Liara? Have you really KILLED?" Shepard said, grabbing onto Liara's arm tightly.

"No…no, I haven't…"

"Then you shouldn't BE HERE."

"Where…where is this coming from Sheena? What they did to you was terrible…but this much hate…"

Shepard tightened her grip.

"What do you know of HATE, Liara? You know NOTHING of it. I thought I could live a fucking fantasy where maybe you could save me from it, but that was a lie. I know what my role is, Liara. It's to protect people like you…"

"I don't need PROTECTION, Shepard, I just need you…" Liara said, her eyes pleading.

"There is no shame in needing protection Liara. At the end of this damn war with Saren and whoever else you are going to go back to your old life. A scientist, a doctor, a scholar, whatever. You will have fought, but you will retain that which makes you good. You know why? Because of people like ME. There are no guardian angels in this world, Liara, just the devil that kills you and the devil that kills for you. I am the latter, and I am going to do everything I can to make sure people like YOU don't ever become people like ME."

"Sheena…you are hurting me!" Liara said as her eyes began to water. Shepard had not realized how painful her grasp must have been on the asari's arm.

"I want to help you Sheena, I do. Why are you pushing me away? Why are you saying these awful things?"

Shepard sighed, stumbling backwards and catching herself against a table full of weapons.

"You…you just don't understand Liara. Humans are sometimes no better than animals. The things we do to each other, mindless, hateful. They tried to hurt you, just like they did me. They are trying to twist everything around me…"

"Help me understand, Sheena….help me share your pain." Liara said. She reached out her arms to embrace Shepard, but she would not have it. With a swat of her own hands, the Commander turned back her affection.

"NO! I don't want you to UNDERSTAND, don't you get it? I am going to take care of these people, for good. I am going to come back and we can be as we were. I want you to know me as the one who shares your bed, who hugs you, who dances with you, who can cook for you and fold your clothes and sing to you. I want you to know me by the last portion of goodness I cling to. I don't WANT you to EVER know the other parts, the ugliness, and the sickness of my humanity…"

"Is that you Shepard? How am I to know which is the real you?"

The question hit Sheena like a punch to the stomach. The look on Liara's face was pained and confused. Her lips were trembling. She was about to cry.

"Liara…it is me…or part of me. I am…I am sorry for being harsh. I am doing it because…"

Shepard paused, afraid to say the words that expressed how she felt.

"I am doing it because I love you, Liara. That is why this has to be MY battle, my burden to bear."

Liara's breathing was strained now. Shepard felt terribly guilty. Now emotion threatened to overwhelm her.

"Please do not cry, Liara. I am sorry for the bad things I said…please believe me when I say that I am doing this out of the deepest parts of my heart, my love for you. I have never loved anyone like this before…"

"If you love me then you'll let me help you!" Liara shouted.

In the room now, only heavy breathing could be heard. The air was thick with so many conflicting emotions.

Sheena couldn't take this sight. The vision of the very one she sought to shield, now breaking down in tears.

"Oh, Liara…" Shepard said, crumbling to the floor, "I am sorry…"

Liara kneeled slowly before her, reaching for Shepard's hands and holding them in her own.

"Help me understand. Show me your pain, Sheena." Liara said, struggling to speak through her sadness.

"Show you?"

"Open your mind to me. Let your memories become my own."

Shepard shook her head.

"I would not wish my memories on my greatest enemy, Liara…"

"If I am to love you I have to know you…the good and the bad, Sheena…"

"You will not love me if you see that part of me, Liara. If you see what I have, you may be…you may not be the same yourself…"

"I take that risk if it brings me closer to you…" as she said the words, Liara pulled up Shepard's hands to her lips and kissed each one.

"Do you mean that, Liara? Do you really want this?" Shepard asked, part of her afraid and part of her hopeful that maybe, just maybe someone would finally understand her.

"I do. Love is not just kisses and sweetness. I know that much. I also know my people, better than you do. When an asari makes a commitment, we do not shy away from it. We stand firm in it. Whatever is in your mind I would see, I would share, if it could ease your pain."

"If this is what you want, Liara. Just remember…before you see…that no matter what name you call me by…that I love you, alright?" Shepard said weakly.

Liara nodded.

"I do this because of my feelings for you, Shepard. I do this because it is how I show my love…"

With that, Liara placed her hands against Shepard's head. She gently massaged her temples and whispered to the woman.

"Relax, Sheena. Open your mind to me…"

Shepard closed her eyes. She was terribly afraid, her stomach in knots. If this is what Liara really wanted, if this could seal their love, she was compelled to let it happen against her judgment.

"Shepard…Embrace Eternity…"

* * *

Visions become clear. Everything had a red-orange tint, memory colored by emotion.

You were just 14. Thin and awkward, with long, black hair. You were walking home, just outside of a dingy looking apartment building, a needle in a haystack against so many others. A single light flickers on and off outside, bathing you in light then covering you in dark. You open the door, as you have so many times before, but there is something different this time. Something terrible.

You are not ready to share this memory. You don't want to show me this yet.

Time flies forward. You are older now, your legs having stretched out with puberty. You are among young men and women, themselves all in uniforms, like you. White shirts and blouses, navy pants and skirts. They think you are an out-of-towner, a recent transfer. They accept you, they are like you. They enjoy reading, poetry, they are good students and they like to laugh and enjoy innocent pleasures. You learn to play tennis, you take singing classes, and you even learned etiquette. Being taught how to sit properly, what fork to use, and how to dance formally were odd experiences, and you stood out there amongst the better bred. Eventually, you learned though, and you began to look more and more like them and less and less like a product of forgotten ghettoes. The sun is shining brightly over these memories, showing your happiness. You feel so free.

There is a girl now. She is taller than you, with long blonde hair. Her skin is flawless, her eyes gentle and accepting. She has full, red lips and her body is far more mature than yours at this point. You are sitting close to her, shaded by a tree. Butterflies flutter in your stomach; you are feeling things for her that you think you shouldn't. She feels the same way, though, and she touches your hand, reassuring you that you are not alone. She leans over slowly and kisses you, your real first kiss. Her lips tug gently at yours, wet and smelling of strawberries. Electricity shoots through your body in that moment and you pull away shyly. She draws you close again and you hold onto her. You want this. The memory fades.

You are outside the classroom you shared with those wonderful people, but the sky is black now and thunder and lightning set an ominous scene in this remembrance. You don't want to see this again, but you have to. You tightly hold your datapad in your arms, your skirt blowing against the wind. The door is slightly opened and something feels…wrong. You slowly creep forward and enter the room.

Horror. Absolute horror.

Your friends. Their faces are obscured by bags tied over their faces, blood splattered against the clear plastic. Their arms were tied around their backs, their legs also bound. A single bullet to the head had ended their terror, a bitter mercy.

Then you see her. Her lifeless body is displayed across a table in the center of the room. Her clothes are ripped off, her throat is cut. Her empty eyes stare at you hauntingly. A single card hangs from her mouth. The ace of spades, smattered with blood and God knows what else. You know what they did to her, before they killed her. Another blessing after what must have been nightmarish final moments.

A strong hand grabs your shoulder, you turn and try to scream, but nothing comes out. He is one of them, a terrible grin etched across his face. You remember him, you hate him.

"Forget me already, Charlene?" he says. His breath is noxious, reeking of alcohol and neglect.

You stand there, frozen.

"Look what you did here, Charlene. You ruined all of them. You can't escape what you are. They died because of YOU. Look at their faces, Charlene. Look at them and let that picture burn into your mind, you little bitch."

He grabs you by the hair and drags you towards the blonde's body. He shoves your face towards hers, forcing you to take in the results of their brutality. You are crying, kicking and screaming helplessly. He drops you then and walks away.

"Sweet dreams, Charlene. See you again soon…" he says, disappearing. You sit there motionless, and then cry out, your anguish piercing the sky.

The flow of time again rushes forward. You are 16 or 17 now. You forget your age as you haven't celebrated a birthday in awhile. It doesn't really matter now.

You are stronger now, your arms more muscular, and your body harder. You are in bed. You look over at a sleeping man. He is a disgusting, awful person but also terribly, terribly stupid. He didn't recognize you. Maybe it was the make-up, the clothes, the attitude, but he took you in as another streetwalker plying her trade. You just had to lay back and play a part. Now he is vulnerable. From a small drawer you produce a sharp blade. You pull down the sheets over his body, carefully as not to wake him. You aim the knife towards what you know is a critical organ. Your classes in the past taught you something at least.

You push forward, piercing flesh and he cries out. He hits you across the face hard, blood pours out of your nose. You manage another stab, even as he pushes you away and tries to rain blows on you. It is too late. The damage is done. His life drains away from him as the fatal wound claims him. He is dead. One down.

More faces, more memories of more blood-soaked acts displayed quickly, flickering like an old film with a bad projector.

You are looking at yourself in a mirror now. Behind you are scenes of gore and murder that are hazy, blotted out by your mind but still revealing enough to be sickening. You are naked, from head to toe. You look at yourself, your body drenched in others blood. You stink of death. You touch the reflective glass with a bloody hand. You then gently run your fingers across the scar on your face. You smile and the whiteness of your teeth is all the brighter against the red that covers you.

Light shines brightly and you are somewhere else. You are in a room now, the walls gray with the numbness, the indifference, you feel at your fate. A man sits high above you, behind a bench. He wears dark robes and drones on and on. You don't care what he says and only remember a few words of his impassioned speech to you.

"In another time, Ms. Sun, you might be sentenced to death. In our time, you would deserve to spend the rest of your natural life behind bars. I am convinced your tenure there would be short as the enemies you have made will be many. I don't know what to do with you, young lady. Your crimes are beyond the pale, but your life story is so heartbreakingly sad. This world has dealt you a bad hand, and for that nothing society could ever do would be able to recompense you for what you have been through. You are smart, gifted even, and you have talents that far exceed your station in life. I can think of only one way you might redeem yourself, perhaps even start over. Maybe living for a duty higher than yourself will save you…"

You are going back in time now, closer to the thing you didn't want me to see, but not there yet.

You are in a darkened cellar of some kind. You are nude and shaking, bruises all over your body. Fourteen and alone, your arms are bound in chains that dig into your wrists. A narrow beam of light pierces the blackness and takes the outline of a door. There is an opening now, and someone is coming in.

It's him. He was your friend, not much older than you. Just a boy really. He is one of them though, and you hate him now.

He has a look of terrible regret over his young face and he approaches slowly. In his hands he has a large bottle of water and a few nutritional bars.

"Charlene?" he says meekly. He approaches, but like a frightened animal you utter a primal cry and scoot away into a corner.

"Charlene…I am so sorry. You have to understand…he's my brother…I just did what he told me to. I know…I know you can never forgive me and maybe I can never forgive myself. I promise I didn't enjoy it…it was so ugly…"

You just stare in fear.

He places the water and food on the floor.

"Just don't fight anymore, Charlene. That's what they want, that's what excites them. Just give in…I…I promise I won't let them kill you. You can get away from here when they are done with you…you can begin again and forget this awful place. Just…don't fight anymore."

He looks at you with guilt and pity. His face is still smooth, his body skinny with physical immaturity. He turns his back.

You began to creep forward, he doesn't hear you. You pounce, throwing your chains over his neck and pulling back with force. He is stronger than you, but no so strong. He fights and gasps for air, but you drive your bony knee into his back and pull all the harder. You feel the chains ripping into his flesh; you feel the struggle until finally he breathes his last. A few last spasms and he is gone. You look up at the light and, as fast as your battered body can take you, you flee.

You are at that door again, that memory you didn't want to show. In the next few moments, your life is about to change forever. These are the last threads of your life that retain a few strands of childhood and innocence. Of the acts you commit in the future, you could not even imagine them at this point. You are a girl, just a little girl who wants to run inside and see her sister again.

You open the door and look for her, but she is not there. Your feet pitter patter as they run to the bedroom where you think you'll find her.

You walk in and your heart stops. There are dark, hulking shapes, but your mind does not see them clearly anymore. In the middle, only one stands out. He is sitting, an air of authority about him. He is the leader. He must be only 18 or 19 at this point, his head shaved and the thinnest growth of a moustache above his lips. His skin is a dark brown, like your sisters, and his face is hardened with a permanent anger.

You then look towards the floor and you see her. Your sister is dead, dried blood on the carpet from a single gunshot to her head.

"I loved her, you know?" The man says. "She tried to take from me though. Steal from ME. She said it was for YOU!" he points a finger at you. "She broke my heart. Look what she made me do to her. Look!"

She bruised his ego more like it. His base and phony manhood was challenged and he couldn't take it. He was a boy in a man's body with a jealous and petty mind that was never tempered with attention or education.

"Now here you are," he continues, "her precious little dove. She guarded you with her life. She wanted to save you. To be better than 'us'. Guess what, little shit, you aren't better than us!"

He stands and two men grab you by both arms.

"I hate you. You shouldn't exist. Not in a place like this. Your sister is gone, but you'll be a fine substitute."

The men throw you to the floor, not far from where you sister died. You try to scream, but they cover your mouth.

This is the worst moment of your life. This is when they took everything from you. The little wall your sister had built for you came crashing down, and all the ugliness of the world poured into you through these vile monsters.

The men paw at you and then one by one they poisoned you. After a while you just lay limp, giving in to them. You turn your head and stare into the distance, focusing on a single flower sitting on a shelf. You still feel them, but the harder you stare at the flower the less you are able to think about what is happening to you. It is a pretty white color, set against the bland and dingy walls in the room. Suddenly, a single petal falls, gently gliding to the floor. As time goes on, more and more fall, until there is nothing left of that little flower, nothing beautiful left to look at. It is dead and withered.

They leave you there when they are done with you. Feelings come back to you now and you start to sob. Your body aches and blood is pooling beneath you. You crawl over to your sister, her body cold. Why did this happen?

Why did this happen to you? Why did no one protect you? Why did no one stop this?

Where were the good people in the world? Where were the defenders of what was right and noble? Gone, into fantasy and holding no sway in this evil place. Maybe they never existed. Maybe all we are is just apes that walk upright, mere steps away from beating each other with stones and sticks.

Why did this happen to you? What will happen to you now?

* * *

Liara pulled away, releasing her grasp from Shepard's head. Her lungs burned, her chest was tight, and she felt as if she were unable to breath. Finally, desperate gasps came from her, trying to give life to her body. Her knees buckled and her vision was still marred by the remnants of the melding, ugly and brutal images. Gradually they cleared and she looked to Shepard. She is motionless, pale, simply staring at nothing in particular. She had vomited, a bit of it still hanging at the side of her mouth.

"Oh…Goddess….Sheena…"

She crawled over to Shepard and pulled her close. The woman didn't respond, as if paralyzed.

"Goddess…I am so sorry…I am so sorry…" Liara said as she rocked Shepard in her arms.

Liara was weeping, weeping for Sheena even as the woman sat there numb. Her tears rolled onto Shepard, falling on her like a steady rain.

"I didn't know…I couldn't…forgive me Shepard…forgive me for making you see that…"

"Now you see…" Sheena began weakly, "Now you see what I am. What made me what I am. I am a broken vessel, Liara. There is nothing left inside me."

"No! No, that can't be true Sheena!" Liara said desperately, "Whatever they did to you, here you are! You are a strong woman, a hero to so many. You have people who care for you, people who love you. I love you Shepard…"

"I am not a woman, but the walking dead, filled with nothing but emptiness. I tasted a different reality with you…but I can't let go of the past. If I let go, what do I hold onto? This hate made me who I am…without it will I fall?"

Liara now held Shepard's face in her hands, cradling it.

"Hold on to me then. Hold on to me and I will pull you up. Hold on to me and I will NEVER let you go." She said.

"That is a big promise to make, Liara. A promise many can't keep…"

"It is my promise to give and mine to hold. Damn me if I should fail you, Shepard. Damn me if I ever should break that oath…"

Shepard began to cry now.

"You see why I have to end this forever, Liara. I have to finish this. I have to do it without you. You have seen what happens with that much trauma, that much blood. Spare yourself. Stay here and let me come home to a woman untouched by that sort of evil. Stay and retain your innocence…"

Liara shook her head slowly and kissed Sheena's brow. She then held her close against her chest.

"No, Sheena. No. This is our fight now. OUR fight. WE will end this, together. I will hear no other answer but you taking my hand in this."

They remained in there, one clinging to the other, until Shepard's eyes finally dried.

"If you would come with me, then let us go now. Let us do what needs to be done and never think of it again."

"Then we go now. We END this, we END them." Liara said, her voice trembling with a terrible determination.

They stood together. Shepard gathered her weapons and nodded.

As the door opened, Ashley and Garrus stood in the hallway, waiting.

"I assume you brought her here. I assume also you want to come with me." Shepard said flatly.

"We don't know why they came after Liara. All we know is they came after one of us, and we want to take it to those bastards with you." Ashley responded.

"I will warn you only once," Shepard said, "this has NOTHING to do with being a SPECTRE, the Alliance, the Citadel, or anything resembling a formal mission. There will be no medals, no great tales of this afterwards. This is murder. Plain and simple. I am going to hurt people and then I am going to kill them. We decapitate our enemy and let what's left fight amongst themselves, so they can hurt no one else. If you don't have the stomach for this, I don't blame you. Walk away now with no shame."

Ashley and Garrus gave each other anxious looks, but eventually they nodded to one another.

"We are coming with you." They said, nearly in unison.

"Then gear up," Shepard said, "There will be no rest for men and beasts tonight."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**The Game never changes, it just gets more fierce.**

* * *

No one would notice a dingy and plain office set right in the center of the Industrial District of the Citadel. Not much larger than some of the cargo containers that constantly flowed through robotic conveyors, feeding the ever hungry consumer demands aboard station, the innocuous building was, to most everyone else, unnoticeable and unremarkable. That was very much the point.

It was here that one of the most ambitiously expanding criminal enterprises kept its hands in the lifeblood of commerce on the station. Whether they were doing their part to skim "excess materials" from shipments or expanding their influence through "aggressive negotiation" among the working classes on the Citadel, the tentacles of the syndicate all sprung from the oftentimes musty and crowded interior of that lonely building. All around the sounds of clanking metal, grinding gears, and electronic beeps and alarms overwhelmed the senses.

Today was just another day of doing business. At the front door of the office sat an unfriendly face, a squat and muscular man with a shaved head and a demeanor that just begged for someone to challenge him so he can engage in his sport. Several plain and unadorned desks were scattered throughout as well as a pool table and video screen, constantly streaming the extranet. There were several other humans around, most "working" hard at appearing to work. Monitoring your thievery was a tough business, and required incredible vigilance in acts such as watching pornography, arguing about sports or polishing ones shoes while discussing the finer points of the best facial cleanser for men.

"What a charming location you have brought us to today," an asari said. A representative of the Eclipse band of mercenaries, she was used to the corporate grandeur of Illium rather than this rank mediocrity. Her clothes were expensive and well-made, a splash of color in a drab room. Next to her was another young woman of her species, a smooth faced girl just starting her career. She had her arms crossed to display her toughness and play up her annoyance at the low and impudent humans they were meeting. She was the bodyguard, obviously, as her thick body armor and loaded weapons would indicate. Both were sitting at the far end of the room, right across for another man behind a desk.

"It's a little place we call home. Doesn't attract attention from unwanted eyes. We would have dressed it up if we had classy women around. They sent you instead." The human in front of them was cocky and self-assured, the obvious manager of the room.

"Hah. Human humor, how delightful. We came to hear your pitch not your crap jokes. Don't waste our time."

"You'd think someone who could live a thousand years would have more patience…"

"You are trying ours…" the young asari said.

Pausing to collect himself and realizing his audience wasn't much for laughing, the man spoke again.

"Let me be short. Your people move red sand and similar products. You have for years, maybe centuries. We have a better product with a better return on investment, bottom line."

The lead asari looked incredulous.

"What could your species offer that would compare to our already established products and why would we ever help you sell them?"

The man smiled an expression not of good cheer but of a thoroughly evil disposition. From his desk, the dramatic center point of the office set far from the door, he pulled a bundle of some strange, snow-colored substance.

"This is a kilo of heroin. It's a bit of Heaven in a syringe, a bit of Hell afterwards. That's the point. We sell it to you raw, ninety to ninety-five percent pure. Right off the damn transport, to be sure. Unlike that shit you sell now, you can stomp on this multiple times…"

"Stomp?"

The human snickered. For being around so long, the asari didn't seem to have a grasp of good business.

"You know, dilute. We give it to you raw and untouched. Pure. You don't SELL it like that. That would be stupid and any junkie using it would probably die of an overdose. You take parts of it and mix it with random bullshit. Point is you can drag out your profits over the long term selling garbage that is as low as fifteen to twenty percent heroin. You know why? Because it's addictive as shit. One taste and most people will do ANYTHING for another. People will slit their own mother's throats for a single credit to buy more of this on Earth."

"Sounds like the barbarity of your species rather than being indicative of anything else."

"Don't get snobby with me. Our 'tests' have shown asari and quarians react just as we would to it. At the right quantities, even a krogan would probably be reduced to a walking skeleton, coming back again and again for more. We sell you the product, you distribute across the Galaxy using your connections. I guarantee in a few months we make millions together. Long term, we are talking trillions of credits with idiots on EVERY world eating this stuff up. Even if people come down on us, lower supply just means more demand. A junkie as a junkie. Once they are ours, they are ours and they NEED that rush. They LIVE for it."

The asari looked at each other and smiled. This was sounding good so far.

"You humans are a fucked up bunch aren't you? Of all the things you could export…music, literature, food, history, art…all of that and you want to sell us what amounts to poison to make money off it, am I right? Your man Finch is a real piece of work, a credit to your species." The elegant asari said, sarcasm dripping from her lips while her younger companion just shook her head.

The man just smirked. He knew he had made his sale.

"Fine," the asari began again, "we will test your little theory. Let's start at…"

Suddenly, a loud knock came at the door, echoing throughout the room. The roughneck in front rose up from his relaxed position and looked back, towards his boss, for direction.

"What the hell. These idiot mercenaries we hire have no DAMN sense. Why don't they use their keycards?"

The asari seemed unimpressed with the interruption. Sensing their disapproval with such lax discipline, the businessman in front of them waved his hands, directing his minion to get the door open quickly and end this distraction.

Standing, the muscular man moved towards the door. Looking at a small screen near it, he relayed the report of who the rude and likely soon to be dead visitor was.

"Another asari. Round-faced with freckles. Looks pretty soft, but she's got a nice figure on her."

"One of yours?" The boss said to the two women in front of him.

"Unlikely. Our people aren't so stupid. Maybe an admirer of one of your ever charming associates?" the well-dressed one said, a sardonic expression on her face.

Another round of impatient pounding at the door.

"Aw, damn it, just open it!"

The thuggish man, acting as if he had just been terribly inconvenienced, began to unlock the door. It swung open with a whoosh and he stared out at the person in front of him. He spoke his last words.

"What is it, bitch? We are…"

A loud boom finished the man's sentence, his chest and back exploding in an ever expanding flame. Within moments, his body was consumed and he was being reduced to ash before he hit the floor.

Another woman, a human this time, stepped in front of the asari intruder and cocked her shotgun again. Several of the men in the room rose quickly, snapped into the moment from their listless ways. Their hands now grabbed frantically at the weapons they had, but it was too late. Their guard had been down.

Another form stepped into the room, a turian. Raising a pistol he fired a single, deadly accurate shot at the nearest man to him. The human's neck exploded in a shower of red and he fell backwards, grasping at the wound and writhing until he bled out.

Several other men were brought down in quick succession. Four figures were now approaching, weapons blazing, their shots shredding furniture and leaving trails of smoking impact holes throughout the room. Like a bloody scythe in the harvest, any who attempted to rise up were mowed down.

The two asari guests had dived to the floor and were hiding themselves, totally at a loss for what was happening. Only the supposed leader, the devil they were about to bargain with, was alive now. He opened his desk, his hands desperately trying to reach for something.

The sound of a safety releasing on a pistol was heard. Its barrel extended, ready to make a kill.

"I wouldn't." another human woman said, her brown hair tied in a ponytail and sticking out ever so slightly from her helmet.

Releasing the futility of his resistance, he slowly raised his hands in surrender.

"You have a lot of balls to come in here like this. We are PROTECTED by the Shadow Broker, assholes. I hope whatever you think you are stealing is worth it!" he said.

The lead woman, the one who had just moments ago blasted open a man's chest, removed her helmet, long dark hair falling by the sides of her head as it was released. She had a scar running down her face. Her expression was like that of a deadly predator, prone to strike out at any moment. She had a cold beauty, marred by a hateful look in her eye.

Looking at each of her companions in mock confusion, she spoke.

"Shadow Broker? I don't see the Shadow Broker here? Do you? How about you?"

"What…what do you want?!" the man asked, his voice now cracking with fear.

The woman approached, grabbing a chair and placing it directly across the man. She looked over and saw the now terrified asari huddling in a corner, the supposed bodyguard, far too green for such duties, fulfilling her role by shielding the other woman.

"Good evening, ladies. Sorry for the interruption, but we won't be long." The human woman said. "Ash, watch the door outside. Everyone else stay."

The pony-tailed woman nodded and made her way outside.

Allowing her aura to work its fearful magic for a time, reveling in the silence and trembling of the one before her, the dark-haired invader spoke again.

"I want information. I want a location. I need to know where Alden Finch is and I NEED to know how to get him when he is most vulnerable."

The question, its implications, were so shocking to the fearful man that he managed a laugh.

"Wha…what? Are you insane? Even if I helped you he'd kill me a thousand times over…"

The turian was now circling the sitting man like a hawk. With an open hand he slapped the back of the humans head hard.

"She didn't ask for your personal situation…" he said harshly.

"And she doesn't like to repeat herself," the freckle-faced asari said. She was standing tall, arms crossed, and eyes narrowed while her face was in a scowl.

Shepard looked over at Liara and didn't know whether to be amused or unnerved. The whole demeanor of her companion was different. She wondered if she was play acting or truly had that much grit in here. Whatever the cause, it was having some effect.

"I am not telling you ANYTHING. So you can fu…" the man began.

With a roar, Shepard rose up and grabbed the man by his collar, slamming him against the wall.

"I don't have time for a back and forth, asshole." She said. She punched him in the stomach, causing him to fall to the floor in pain. She then began to kick him, viciously, using her arms to steady him for the impacts.

Liara didn't want to betray her feelings, but her eyes widened at the sight. Sheena was like a beast, reducing the man's face to a smashed image of blood and spit.

With a swift motion, Shepard pulled the man up. She grabbed his chair and set it down, throwing him on it. Whatever swagger he had left was gone.

"It doesn't have to be this way," Shepard began, "give me how I can find him and get him alone, and I promise…you're done here."

The man was emitting low, pained moans. Blood rolled down his face, splattering on his clothes.

The Commander softened her face and sighed. She sat in front of him again.

"Look, don't make this hard. I know you're worried, but I promise you he's dead before his head hits the pillow tonight. He goes, it's an open market…"

With that, Sheena noticed the white bundle table. Lifting it with her hand and examining it, she grimaced.

"Heroin, is it?" she said, "I could care less about how a man makes his money. I just want Finch. Like I said, you're done if you give me what I want. It could be YOU making this deal, without his grubby little hands in it. Anyway, I hear he's way too wrapped up in personal vendettas and it's been hurting business for awhile…"

The battered man's face lit up with revelation.

"You…You're her…I remember you….You're…."

With a single finger over her mouth, Shepard hushed the man. She too was a bit taken aback as well, as she now recognized the person in front of her.

"I remember you, too. Last time we met, you were an enforcer, right? Just muscle to flex for your boss?"

The man gulped, his throat expanding as he swallowed his fear.

"I know…I know what they did to you. Shit, I wasn't there…I wasn't there you have to believe me. I just pulled the trigger when they told me to on whoever they told me to. I just took orders…"

Shepard nodded.

"I would REMEMBER if you were there. We have history then, nonetheless. I'm leveling with you here. You know me then and you know what I would be willing to do to take him out. Think of what you gain here, no longer standing in his shadow."

Human nature being what it is, loyalty being malleable when presented with greater reward, the man reconsidered his stance.

"I'm holding you to your promise then. He doesn't use normal communications. We ping him with our communicators using a code. One number indicates a need to meet, another indicates who is holding the meet, and then you follow with a time, in EARTH time. He responds with a location…"

Shepard smiled.

"Good, good. Where are the numbers?"

The man weakly pointed to a small console on his desk.

"They are in there. Encrypted and they change every week. I have this week's numbers already loaded up…"

Garrus moved towards the screen and pressed a few keys.

"He's not lying. It's here. At least some numbers, that is. Who knows if they are the right ones?"

"He has no reason to lie, right?" she said as she looked into the man's eyes, one of them now nearly shut with the beating he received. "He has too much to gain…"

She smiled widely and rose, patting the man on the back gently, which caused him to jump slightly as if afraid he was about to be beaten down again. She paused suddenly, her face dropping.

"Let me ask you a question, though? What if you HAD been there? What then?"

The man didn't respond, his face just staring ahead.

"Go outside and keep watch…" Shepard said, directing her speech to Liara.

"Go. We will be out soon. We have to give him a head start to get out, right?"

Liara looked anxious, but nodded and made her way outside. The door whooshed shut behind her.

"Well, I made a promise. You're done." Shepard said.

With a flash of her hand, she pulled out a knife. Grabbing the man by his hair, she pulled his head back in a swift motion and with her other hand drove the blade hard into his throat. He tried to scream, but only a pathetic gurgle came out. She pulled harder, severing arteries and finally lodging the blade in the toughness of bone. Blood gushed out, his body shook helplessly while his hands weakly clung to her arms in a vain attempt to escape. The life rushed out of him, and he finally went limp. Completing her cut, she drew the blade across the rest of his throat until it was free of his flesh.

Garrus was horrified. He didn't know what to say. As a C-Sec officer, the most brutal interrogations he had witnessed NEVER ended like that. He looked at Shepard, her face was a blank slate revealing no emotion.

"Watch your shoes." She said.

He jumped back as a steadily moving pool of blood crept close to him.

Turning her attention to the now traumatized asari, she smiled and kneeled near them. She looked at both in turn. One, the older asari who was well dressed, was obviously a higher level player than the mere girl in oversized armor next to her. She turned her attention to the supposed bodyguard, now trembling in fear. Looking at her, she only felt pity. Her face was smooth, her eyes wide and with some sparkle of fading innocence. She was new to this. She wasn't made for this. Shepard gently ran her bloody fingers across her face, leaving smudges of red. A beautiful young woman, not even close to her prime. Just like Liara.

"We…we have nothing to do with this. Just…just let us leave…let us get out of here…" the older asari said, trying her best to hold her courage together.

"She's right Shepard," Garrus said from behind, "they have nothing to do with this…"

"Nothing, huh? Just spreading one of the most hideously addictive and damaging substances known? The same one that ravaged the streets where I grew up?" Shepard said.

"You know what I mean…" Garrus responded.

"They've both seen something here today. If only they were blind, this might be easier…"

"PLEASE!" the younger asari squealed, "I just want to go…to go…to go…" she was struggling to even say the words, tears pouring down her face, "I just want to go home!" She buried her face in her hands and began to sob. The other woman turned to her with a look of disgust.

"Pathetic…" the older asari said.

"Both of you close your eyes…" Shepard said.

"Commander…" Garrus began to plead. She raised her hand to silence him.

"Close your eyes and breathe deep. I promise this won't hurt. Just relax." Shepard stood slowly. She grabbed her pistol and its barrel extended again, the sound filling each of the women with a terrible foreboding.

"C'mon," she said gently, "just close your eyes."

The older asari did, breathing deeply but not as distraught as her companion. She would die with nobility, as her breeding and rank demanded. The younger girl was trying to plead but nothing came out. Her eyes closed as well.

Shepard aimed her pistol.

"Just breathe…."

A shot. The older asari's head exploded with the force of the impact. She crumbled lifelessly to the floor, the spray from her wound splashing on the girl next to her.

The young asari screamed. "Please…no! Please no!" she repeated over and over again. Her tears mixed with the blood on her face now, causing streams of another's life to run down her cheeks.

A click and the barrel of the gun retracted, locking securely. Shepard put the pistol away. She kneeled again and cradled the girl's face in her hands. The asari's eyes opened, full of fear. Shepard began to speak to her, a voice as soft as a mother's talking to her child with love.

"It was too late for your friend. She chose her life as well as the manner of her death, as all those like me do. The hour isn't so late for you. This business isn't in you, I can see that. Leave this place; leave behind the person you are trying to become while you can. You have a long life ahead of you, a life I just returned to you from the very hand bearing its death. You will never get a second chance like this again, and next time you are faced with this situation, there will be no mercy."

The girl just stared.

"When we leave this place, you will be free. What you do with that freedom is your OWN business. Choose wisely."

Shepard rose, glancing one last time at the small girl, now huddled next to a corpse. She turned and began to walk away from that sad sight.

She heard a noise, the desperate sound of a wounded man moving on hands and knees. He appeared before them, terribly injured but alive. Seeing his attackers, he began to crawl away as fast as he could towards the door. A hopeless endeavor.

"Where the hell do you think you are going?" she said. Her pistol came out again and she walked right up to the man, prostrate before her. Kneeling slightly she placed the gun directly atop his head, touching the skin, and without a second thought pulled the trigger. With a terrible force his face slammed hard into the ground, blood shooting out of his mouth with the death blow. He moved no more.

"God damn it, Shepard…" Garrus said.

She turned and faced the turian.

"What did you think was going to happen, Garrus?"

"What about everything you told me about doing right? Mercy?"

"Shepard told you that. I am not her and you are not me. More than that, what mercy can there be for the fallen? These people were already dead, they just didn't know it yet. Look at this ugliness, Garrus, and realize there is something to the code and rules you used to follow."

With that Shepard walked away, towards the door. Garrus felt sick to his stomach. Shepard was a heartless monster, or so it seemed by her latest actions. He remembered the times she scolded him for his excesses of force…but now she had gone beyond even his limit.

As the door opened, Liara looked upon Sheena. Her hands were red and stained with blood.

"What happened?" Liara asked.

"There were complications. He slipped." Shepard responded.

Garrus didn't know what to say, he just needed to see this finished. He felt there was something more to this than merely avenging Liara's near assassination, there had to be. It wasn't his place to know, especially not now.

"We have one more stop. Then this is over." Shepard said.

Back in the office, now a war zone strewn with the fallen, a young asari tried to find the strength to stand. Staring at the woman who was her superior, she saw a flash of what might become of her, what ALMOST became of her. Grabbing a desk, she pulled herself up as the lower half of her body seemed paralyzed with fear.

"This isn't for you, Elnora…" she said to herself, "This isn't for you at all…"

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**Note: Next Chapter is the face-off. The Commander has to decide who she really is and Liara takes matters into her own hands. No actions are without consequences, every stone cast upon the water sends out ripples that touches all around it. Please let me know what you think through reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**: **The Final Confession**

_**The pain comes from knowing that we have never been safe, and therefore will never be safe again. It comes from knowing we can never be so ignorant again. It comes from knowing we can never be children again. Losing innocence. Remembering heaven. That was the essence of hell. **_

_**John Jakes**_

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The small, blue vehicle hovered gently, just inches from the ground. The only sound that could be heard within was the low hum of the engine. The car bobbed up and down as if greatly anticipating some exciting event. They had been sitting there for nearly half an hour, just waiting. Shepard was leaning forward, gripping the dashboard as if it were the only thing propping her up, her head down, hair blanketing her face.

They were close now. In front of them was a large building in some rotten section of the Wards. In that relatively non-descript tower, a meeting had been set. Years of revenge-fantasies had now culminated to this moment, but the Commander could not find the strength in her legs to move. It was unbelievable really, that fifteen or so years had finally come to this, one final act in a drama that had been playing out far too long.

"Shepard," Ashley finally said, ending the silence, "are you alright?"

She didn't respond.

"Something is wrong, isn't it?" Garrus said, "This is about more than Liara. This is something about you?"

Sheena gulped, swallowing her introspection and leaning back against her chair, almost in surrender. Liara looked at her with obvious concern, unable to fully experience her anguish but having enough of a taste of it to feel knots in her stomach.

"No, she is just the catalyst. An innocent bystander…" Shepard finally said.

More silence, the air thick with a mixture of regret, sorrow, confusion, and so many other subtle but heavy emotions.

"What's wrong, skipper? We haven't seen you like this before…" said Ashley.

"I've never seen you…" Garrus paused, "I've never seen do the things you have either…it's a bit…"

"Are you saying I am a hypocrite?" Shepard suddenly said with a hint of anger in her question.

"No, Shepard. I am not. It just…"

"Look, Garrus," Shepard said, this time pangs of guilt choking her words, "I didn't mean for anybody to see that back there. There are certain things about this situation that you don't understand…"

"Help us understand." Ashley said.

Liara bit her lip. Placing a hand on Shepard's, she turned to the two sitting behind them and thought of how best to relay to them a satisfactory answer while still protecting Sheena.

"Those people…the ones who tried to hurt me…they did awful thi…"

"It's my fault!" Shepard interjected, "It is MY fault. They tried to kill her to get at me. It didn't concern them who she is, what species she is, or any of that. Her closeness to me put her in danger. They saw an opportunity to hurt me and they took it, with a mindless hatred blinding them to anything else."

"Who did, Shepard? Who is 'they'?" said Garrus.

The commander dug her fingers into the faux-wooden paneling in front of her. She gritted her teeth, partly in frustration and partly in fear.

"The ones…'they' are the ones who pushed me into this life. The pushed me into the military by preventing me any other option but being a soldier. They murdered my sister, left a child bereft of her already fading innocence, and stalked me like animals on the hunt, picking at my weaknesses like hyenas until I would fall dead for the feast. Today I stop running…" her face came alive with anger, her eyes staring into the distance as if she saw beyond the physical realm into the mystical space between it all, "and I pay back debts long since overdue."

Suddenly, Shepard turned her head, staring right into the faces of the two who now sat in a state of shock.

"I NEVER should have brought any of you into this. My weakness let my guard down. This is MY problem and now you see a side of me only the living dead should glimpse in their last. The sight of a face imprinted on the final memories of those who are about to be sent into the void."

The intense hatred radiating from the commander felt like the blazing of a sun, rays of oppression shining forth, strangling anything caught in its light.

"We…didn't know," Ashley said, "but we never doubted you."

"We're your friends, Shepard. You don't need to keep that all in your mind…"

"What the FUCK do you know what I need on MY mind?" Shepard snapped, returning her gaze to the building in front of them.

"Shepard…stop," Liara said, "don't let what is reserved for those in front of us be turned against those who love you most"

"Love or loyalty? Friendship or just duty?" Shepard said.

"All of it, Commander," Ashley responded, "All of it. You tell us the targets and we hit them, no question. We trust you without reserve, on missions personal or otherwise. You've put a lot on the line for your crew. For me…"

"And me," Garrus said, "helping my conscience with that bastard salarian doctor. Staying my hand in anger even though he ended up dying anyway. You've taught me a lot, Shepard. You've given to us and never asked anything. You just don't have to lie or hide things from us. You're not alone just because of your rank…"

"This was stupid," Shepard said, "and unprofessional. Our crew is meant to fight Saren, not deal with my fucked up problems. Yes, my rank does change things, Garrus. Every decision I make, every little thing affecting everything else in unseen ways. The lives of the crew, the success of the mission, it's almost too much. At the end of the day, I bear it alone, as it should be."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"It doesn't have to be that way anymore." Liara said.

Shepard sighed.

"Look, I am sorry I snapped at you. It isn't you; it isn't anything to do with any of you. I appreciate what you're saying, I do. I just need this to be over. They can't hurt me or anyone I care about anymore after this."

Sheena ran her fingers through her hair, now slick with perspiration. She gathered her thoughts, focusing them on the singular task before her. Her mind was made up, her being steeled for what lay ahead. She was done talking and explaining things. They could never understand anyway. They didn't need to.

"It is time. When we're done here we can go back to saving the Galaxy which ironically enough seems somehow easier than this. I can go back to being…to being who I am, not what you see here. Find it in yourselves to forgive me for tonight. Never again…"

"You needn't say anything else, skipper" Ashley said, "There's nothing to forgive. Give us the orders and they get done."

Shepard nodded.

"My target is in there. Doesn't look like much of a guard, maybe a trap, maybe not. Keep watch from the shadows and don't let any supposed reinforcements make their way inside. This should be easy and if we are lucky, none of you have to fire a shot. I go i…"

"I hope you are not intending to leave me behind?" Liara asked, her question pointed.

Shepard's body became tense. She was in no mood to be questioned by anyone at this particular moment.

"Liara, you've done enough. Enough action for one night on everybody's part. This won't take long now just…"

"No. I am going with you." Liara said matter-of-factly.

Garrus turned his head to Ashley, a look indicating that their time to exit had come.

"Uh, we will be outside, Commander" he said.

With that, the human soldier and turian opened the door and exited, their weapons clanking together behind their backs. With a firm swing, Garrus again shut the door, leaving only Shepard and Liara inside.

"Don't even say it, Sheena. I am going with you." Liara said.

"Liara, DON'T argue with me on this. Not this. Just STAY here."

The asari reached for Shepard's arm, giving it a slight tug so that she would look into her eyes.

"Look at me. What they did to you…I felt it, I saw it, tasted it, smelled it. Not as much as you did living it, but as much was done to you I experienced when your memories became mine. They did this to US, Shepard. To US. Together, we do what needs to be done. We've both lived our lives too long on our own. I don't know about you, but I am not relishing the thought of digging through old bones by myself when this is all over…I intend for you to be holding the light and taking notes while I do!" she said, a smile dawning on her face.

Sheena couldn't be angry with Liara, no matter how hard she tried. She cracked the briefest of smiles.

"You know, Liara," she began, "I liked you a lot better when you were the bumbling and submissive scientist…"

Liara smirked, her eyes narrowed. She leaned back in her chair, arms crossed self-assuredly.

"Bumbling, perhaps. Submissive? Never. I guess you got the wrong impression of me Shepard. I am the daughter of a matriarch, raised up to lead my people. Looks like you didn't do your research!"

"Being a pain in the ass wasn't in your file…" Shepard said, shaking her head.

"Only when it's something I care deeply about. You've become the object of my attention now. The unknown secret I wish to 'unravel'" she said with a wink.

"God help me." Shepard snickered.

"Or Goddess. Anyway, shut-up and let's go do this, shall we?"

The Commander's eyes widened in surprise, her lips pursing.

"We are going to have to talk about that mouth of yours when we get back to the ship, too. Unbecoming of a proper lady…"

"The subject can be my mouth, but I am more interested in what you can teach me to do with it rather than the words that it produces…" Liara said with a devilish grin.

"Jesus Christ, Liara. I am really am corrupting you..."

Shepard tried to reach for the door, but before she could Liara pulled her in for a kiss.

Looking in from the outside, Ashley and Garrus saw the couple in their amorous embrace.

"…Annnnnd we have tongue…" Ashley said with a hand over her head as if this was all simply too much.

"I am convinced this is a dream of some sort. This night keeps getting weirder and weirder…" Garrus said in bemusement.

The door of the small vehicle finally swung open and the pairing exited, Shepard still wearing a startled look.

"Good thing those seats don't recline or else…"

"Shut it, Garrus!" Shepard said.

The turian chortled. The entire team gathered around Shepard.

"Alright, there are two entrances on the bottom floor, all of which lead through a central lobby area. We go in and, assuming everything is clear, Ashley and Garrus take up position watching the doors. I am assuming there won't be too much trouble here, but you can never be sure. Keep a GOOD eye open and otherwise Liara and I will work quickly."

The team nodded.

"Stay close behind and cover my advance to the door. Don't make it so obvious that we are busting in…"

Shepard moved quickly, traversing the distance between the transport and some steps leading to the lower floor of the dingy looking building. Up close, it looked like it has been abandoned during construction, as there was scaffolding along the walls outside as well as various signs with well-illustrated plans for what was to be a high end commercial property. Considering the area, it seemed any such revival was long since given up on for the time being as everything around seemed similarly, and eerily, quiet.

There were few lights in the area. In the distant horizon there were bright, flashing signs and the faint, but familiar, noise of the masses going about the business and entertainments. Wherever Shepard and her team were exactly and while seemingly a different world altogether was, in reality, just underneath the surface of all the glitz and glamour of the Citadel. For all its promise and hope, like any other place the station had its embarrassing and buried parts where none but those without choice dwelt. In other words, you'd never find any of the Council or the well-heeled men and women of the Presidium spending their time here.

The Commander's body hugged the wall not far from the front door. She had her weapon ready and with a single hand motioned for the rest of her team to take up positions. Garrus lay prone on the ground, hidden by the remnants of what was a low wall on the opposite end the street. Ashley and Liara were not far from him, covering another area that, with the turian's field of view, gave them the ability to direct their fire wherever needed…just in case.

Shepard activated the door and it slid open slowly, as if the automated mechanism behind it was struggling after so much neglect. Taking a small mirror from a belt she wore around her armored waist, she manipulated it as to see if anyone was waiting for them in the now revealed lobby.

It was clear. Jumping into the room, her gun now aimed ahead of her, she scanned the situation quickly and saw nobody. Another hand motion and her team advanced.

The lobby was dark and nearly empty. It would've been quite the sight if only anyone had bothered to finish the place. There were round tables with ornate chairs set out near them as if awaiting some party that had never arrived. The receptionist's area in front of them had a few empty pots around it, probably for what were to be decorative plants. Two stairwells were to the sides of the room and another entrance from the back of the building was found in a corner.

"Well damn, that was anti-climactic…" Ashley said after catching up with Shepard.

"Would you prefer to take on an entire criminal family at the same time?" Shepard said.

"If it gets me back quicker for dinner, yeah."

"Whatever. Take up positions on both sides of the room and watch the entrances. This place is incomplete and we can't rely on the elevators, which is good and bad. Good that all traffic down, if there is any, has to come from one of those two stairwells. Bad that Liara and I have to go up one of them and watch for fire from above. We have only six floors to go up though so shouldn't be too…well, too dangerous."

Ashley and Garrus took positions and, with a nod towards Liara, Shepard and her companion began their ascent.

For a time there was nothing to remark upon. Each time they came to a floor, they would find a long hallway of what could have been offices or rooms for guests, depending on the final purpose of the building. Other than rows of flickering lights extending all the way to the other end, there was nothing out of order.

As much as they tried to be quiet, their armor made the occasional thump and every so often Shepard would extend out her hand, stopping Liara behind her, and use all her senses to take in their situation. It was on the final ascent that she heard something.

"Voices…" Shepard whispered. Liara tensed up, ready at any moment to strike. They took the last steps upward and stopped.

There were two men, their faces covered in shadow but for the single light of a cigarette one was smoking. They were standing outside a door deep in the hallway, talking to one another.

"THIS is his muscle?" Shepard whispered in surprise.

Shepard looked at Liara, who was so close that she could hug the Commander.

"You're an asari. They work with Eclipse and all. I am assuming they will think this is a follow-up to the meeting that was taking place in the industrial district earlier. You lead and I follow close behind. We shouldn't need to do much talking when we get into range…"

Liara nodded, straightening her back and striding forward with the confidence a supposed mercenary was to have.

The men caught sight of them and themselves now stood erect, their eyes wandering over Liara's form for professional and likely more sexual reasons.

"What took so fuckin' long?" one man said, "I was starting to grow moss out of my ass…"

"Now there's a sight to be imagined!" Liara responded, her voice echoing through the hallway.

"I thought there were TWO asari…" the other man said, now seeing both Liara and her dark haired companion.

"Two WOMEN, not two asari." Liara responded quickly, "She's my bodyguard."

Liara carried herself well. She truly was a matriach's daughter as her body language was fluid, assured, and slightly imposing. She was nearly as tall as the men before her and the look in her eye gave no indication that this was a noted academic, instead giving the impression she was a world-weary gun-for-hire.

"Yeah, she looks like a mean one," the smoking man said, referring to Shepard, "anyway he's inside. Looking forward to seeing more of you two…"

Liara grimaced at the comment but then in a single moment heard the sound of what could be mistaken for rushing wind. In a flash Shepard was on the closest man, spinning his body around with a swift move of her arm and with a cracking noise her target fell limp to the floor, his neck broken.

The other guard tried to react, but before he could utter a word or move a muscle, a flash of Liara's hand placed him in a stasis. Shepard seemingly flew upon him, placing a hand over his now frozen mouth and driving a blade into his abdomen. She pulled her hand back and then plunged the blade in again and again until the life in the man's eyes faded. As the biotic prison wore off, she caught him in her arms, gently laying him down on the ground, now dead.

Shepard exhaled deeply, as if she had been holding her breath in those frantic and dangerous moments. She looked at Liara and nodded.

They stood side by side, asari and human. The gray door before them was the last barrier they had to face. Shepard turned to Liara, as if looking for some final reassurance that this is what she really wanted.

For a moment they looked at one another, each trying to read unspoken words in each other's eyes.

"It is time" Liara said.

The door swung open and both were taken aback by what they saw.

"Well, here are we are, Charlene."

It was Finch, alone and sitting at the far end of the room in a stately chair. All along the floor and on every table or piece of furniture, as if forming a path, were red and lit candles. The whole atmosphere was like that of a religious ceremony, the flickering flames, the drawn curtains and a single man before them ready to tell them the way to heaven…or hell, in this case. This was entirely unexpected.

"What is this, a joke?" Shepard snarled.

Finch threw back his head and laughed.

"No joke, Xiao-lene. This is the end of our road together. I wanted to give you a chance to come face to face with your sins…"

Liara raised her pistol and aimed, her arm steady and purposeful.

"Just say when Sheena!" she said.

"How eager is she! So pretty too. She's going to take after you just fine…"

"You have nothing to say about her or me, Finch. I just want you to take in the sight of me before you pass…" Shepard said.

"In such hurry? You really don't want to know why I have taken this form of ritual suicide for our goodbye?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Finch shook his head in a mocking disapproval.

"Oh, Charlene. Do you think I have gotten that sloppy with age? Do you think I didn't know what would happen when I put the word out on your blue girlfriend?"

"Don't act so fucking smug! Don't pretend you are so brilliant strategist now! You were stupid and weak and now you are dead…"

"I'm not brilliant," Finch interrupted, "it's just that you are so simple."

Finch cracked the knuckles of each hand, the popping noise causing Liara to ever so slightly jump. She was on edge enough already, but she stood her ground. Shepard was with her and soon this would be over.

"What are you trying to say?" Shepard said.

"You know, Charlene. There is only so long a predator can chase its prey before it gets bored. Only so long the hunt can go on before you have to give up chase or go in for one last strike. After losing you for so much time, I had thought you had died, killed yourself in some pathetic fashion and your body had been taken to some morgue. Then, I saw this 'Commander Shepard' being made into the first human SPECTRE. I thought to myself, she looks very familiar now, doesn't she? I heard you speak, I saw your scar, and then it hit me. Our own little girl, all grown up and shining with medals and accomplishments…"

"I made something of myself, Finch. In SPITE of you…"

"No, dear. You are what you are BECAUSE of me."

"You're INSANE!"

Shepard raised her own gun now, taking aim at the man in front of her.

"I had for so long been devising ways how I could best hurt you, best drag you down without outright killing you," he continued, oblivious to the fact two loaded and deadly weapons were now ready to fire upon him, "I have to say eventually I realized that no matter what I did to you, it seemed only to make you stronger. First, you killed my brother, which wasn't remarkable being that he was only fifteen…"

Shepard let out a small gasp, the recollection of that act, the memory of metallic chains grinding into flesh now coming back to her.

"But then again he could have done better for a sibling. You hurt me then. You hurt me badly. Then I found you, all dressed up as some child of privilege thanks to our society's fine social services, which seemed to take an interest in you only after your naked body in the street shone a light on how shitty our existence was. I watched you, seemingly carefree and starting over. I said to myself, how can she do it? How can she simply brush off what we did to her? Maybe she is better than us? Maybe, just maybe I was wrong?"

Liara saw Shepard's arm shaking now while her face was becoming pale.

"Then I said…let's test this theory…let's test this one's resolve. I couldn't bear to see you get out, I couldn't handle watching what should've been a broken down bitch just WALK away…"

Finch leaned forward, his face twisted in scorn.

"I wasn't wrong. You came at us hard. You murdered a lot of men. You did a lot of ugly things. You even had me on the run for awhile there. I actually was proud of you, Charlene. Anybody else would've become a junkie, a whore, or slit their own wrists. Here you were, ducking in and out of shadows and leaving a trail of corpses in your wake"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Shepard said, her voice straining.

"THEN I saw you again! Alive and older! So famous and well regarded," his words became faster, more forceful, his expression more warped and maniacal, "and I said how can I hurt this one? I thought I broke your body, your mind, your confidence, but there you WERE! A FUCKING hero! This BITCH just won't learn her place! So I said there is one way I can hurt this one FOREVER…one scar that she'll never heal from…"

"Shepard!" Liara said with a pleading voice, "Let's just do this! Let's just end this!"

"I wanted you to see me one last time, Charlene! I wanted you to look into the mirror at yourself! I wanted you to realize what you have REALLY become! That you ARE me! Your hate, your viciousness made you what you are! You owe me for EVERYTHING! This is my curse! To let you commit one last murder, one last violence, and let me spit at you from hell!"

"No! Fuck you! I am not YOU!" Shepard said, her breathing now quickened.

"Oh look at yourself, Charlene! How many men did you kill tonight to get at me? How many have you killed before? Some people kill because they have no choice…you and I kill because it's what we do…because we NEED to kill. It is in our being! We cannot go without it; we define ourselves, our lives by those that we end. You do it as a soldier and get patted on the back and a pension. I do it and get money and respect, but in the end we kill because we cannot do anything else BUT that. Our broken lives won't let us be anything but murderers…"

"You're wrong! I have a mission! I am protecting people!"

"Really? Then what are you doing here? You couldn't call C-Sec or your friends in the Alliance to investigate me? You had to do this personally…you get off on this, don't you? You wanted to see me die, you wanted to see me suffer!"

"Don't listen to him, Shepard! He's trying to frighten you!" Liara said. Her brow was wrinkled in worry, her voice breaking in stress.

"Look at her, Charlene. She is so protective; she'll do ANYTHING for your approval. We bring people into our lives and we twist them into versions of us. How long did you think that little blonde's innocence would have lasted when she knew what you REALLY were? How long would your friends have stood by you when they knew where you came from? Look at the one near you now! So ready to stain her hands in murder not because she HAS to…because she WANTS to…for YOU!"

Shepard couldn't form words anymore. She felt like a child again, trapped on the ground and trying to hide in her mind from some ugly act committed on her. She had never thought about whether what she was doing was for the right reasons. She had always assumed being a soldier by default made her actions just. What if that uniform had always hid what she really needed anyway? What if he was right?

"Kill me 'Commander Shepard'. Kill me and let the realization sink in that even with my death, you'll find emptiness. A hole filled only when you kill again and again and again. Kill me and give your friend a taste for blood which she'll never forget. Let her think she is a righteous judge and jury. Let her become an avenging angel only to find that there's no such thing! End this and realize you'll still see me laughing!"

Finch then leaned back into his chair, his nose raised towards the sky in arrogance. He wasn't afraid at all. He looked as if he welcomed this.

Shepard's finger wrapped itself around the trigger. With all of her might, she tried to send the signal from her brain to pull it. She steadied herself, her sights now zeroing in on his head. A single bullet, a single moment, and he would be dead. Sweat was pouring down her face, her vision blurring as droplets rolled from her head into her eyes. She saw everything she had ever done in the name of vengeance. Every kill, every dead man. A lifetimes worth of hatred surged through her. She remembered the thrill she had got every time another one of her tormentors had died by her hand. Her senses came alive recalling the taste and smell of fresh blood, the sound of their last breaths. Just pull that trigger; just send that last bullet to its target.

Then, her arm slowly fell to her side, her gun's barrel retracting. Not like this. Not anymore.

"For years," she began, her words slow and purposeful, "I have dreamed of this moment. I had thought of the ways I'd kill you. I would imagine cutting you into pieces, spending hours bathing in your blood as I took out every torture you did to me on your corpse. I look at you now, though, and I see…nothing."

The cocky man's face fell.

"Nothing, Finch. I've always tried to hide from what I was then, my old name. Today I realize I may not be able to change what you did to me, what I did in return. We can't change what an indifferent universe does to us. We can't change how high the mountain of shit is to climb. We can CHOOSE how we react to all of it, though. This cycle ends today. Your power is broken, your organization infiltrated. Not by my hand will you die this day, but soon all those other predators will realize how weak you are and come for you."

"You CAN'T forget me!" he roared.

"No. No I can't. I can stop living my life in the shadow of what you did, though. I am letting go of you Finch. I don't need you anymore."

With those words, it felt like a weight was lifted from Sheena. She now felt like she was finally in control, no longer driven by primal instinct but by her own convictions. She didn't need to lie to herself anymore, to tell her squad one thing and live another way. No more excuses.

"Come on, Liara. There is nothing left for us here."

She turned her back on Finch, on the past. If this had been some divine test, she'd like to imagine she passed.

"Run then, like the bitch that you are. I got used to seeing the back of your head when I was…"

A shot. Shepard reeled as if she had been hit herself.

Time seemed to have stopped. She could hear her own breathing, but all around her things seemed to have frozen. She was trapped in a moment, her body not responding to her urgings to turn and look. To turn and see what had happened. Finally, with a resistance of invisible by heavy weights tied to her neck, her head moved to her side. She saw her.

It was Liara. The gun in her hand was steady, her brow slanted in anger, her mouth taking a flat shape and her whole being focused on a single task.

Just like that, time rushed forward again.

Another shot and another and another. Liara was pulling the trigger as fast as her finger would allow. She moved forward now, great and determined strides. Finch's face was frozen in pain as each shot impacted, sending bits of flesh and blood flying. He was already dead now, but Liara did not stop her approach. His body fell backwards, his chair hitting the floor and breaking. She stood over him now, continuing to pump kinetic rounds into his flesh. Finally, when her gun responded no more, giving a click-click of protest as it overheated, she raised the butt of her weapon and brought down on the body below her. Like a beast falling upon a fresh kill, she began to savage the body with terrible blows. She was in a frenzy, a terrible mindless madness.

"STOP IT!" Shepard yelled in desperation.

Liara's hand froze right as it was prepared to come down again. She was breathing hard; her face was splattered with blood. She looked at Sheena.

"LIARA…WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Shepard cried out.

Liara rose slowly, her legs trembling. The gun in her hand dropped to the floor.

"I…I made sure he can't hurt us anymore Shepard. I made him pay for what he did to you. I couldn't let him get away with that. I couldn't let him live…"

"Oh, Liara…" Shepard ran over to her and grabbed her hands. They were slick with blood.

"I…I did the right thing didn't I, Sheena? It's over now. We can…we can go on together, right?" Liara asked, her voice was shaking. Her eyes were seeking approval in Shepard's face.

Shepard pulled the asari's head into her chest.

"You…you are right, it is over now."

Shepard had years to deal with what she had been through. Liara had experienced it all in a night. It had been a mistake to bring the young asari. The wounds would have been too fresh, too real to reflect on in a different light. He couldn't be right. He was dead. Liara would be fine.

"Let's go, Liara. Let's get out of here and never think of this again."

Arm in arm the two made their way to the stairs. Liara clung to Shepard's hand on the way down, holding it tightly. The said nothing to each other, each lost in their thoughts.

"We heard the shots," Garrus said upon seeing them, "nothing but boredom down here. I assume someone got what they deserved?"

"Yeah…" Shepard said weakly.

"What happened to Liara, is she hurt?" Ashley asked. She could not help but notice the red blood contrasting against Liara's natural color.

"No. It just got messy. I killed him though," as Shepard said that Liara shot a look towards her, "The bastard's dead and we go on now."

"They won't come after us?" Garrus asked.

"No. Their leader is dead. The rest will fight it out over the scraps. I think they are smart enough to realize a SPECTRE is not a good person to target, even if he didn't."

"Good enough. We'll still be careful, though. Let's get the hell out of here."

The party made their way back out onto the street. Shepard paused and looked at the building behind them, the graveyard of her nightmares. Turning, Liara still clinging to her, they left.

A faint, almost ghostly noise, echoed in Shepard's head.

The sound of hateful laughter.

* * *

**Note: This took me forever to figure out how to get down. I almost didn't want to finish this story, but was compelled to, for better or worse.**

** One last chapter, a sort of epilogue, and this ME 1 tale is done. **

**~KL**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**What can innocence hope for, When such as sit her judges are corrupted!**

**-Philip Massinger**

Sneaking through what was another night-cycle on the Presidium, Shepard and Liara found their way back to the same hotel they had stayed at previously. Garrus and Ashley had split off from them, their role at its end, and had gone to locations unknown, likely to recover from recent events and revelations as well as find some enjoyment in the waning days of their "break".

Shepard held Liara close as they made their way through the lobby of the hotel. She did her best to shield the asari from prying eyes, afraid someone might notice the stains and wear of battle on her. They had managed to grab some outer clothing, cloak like garments that Garrus and Ashley had procured for them before they parted. Fortunately, most people were so wrapped up in themselves that evening that it seemed no one noticed the pair. As the elevator lifted off from the floor, both of them exhaled deeply, as if in that moment they finally felt the weight of their subterfuge lifted.

They had not spoken since they left Finch's body to rot in some broken down building in the Wards. Shepard, now careful to protect Liara's name, would do her best to cover her from being implicated in what happened that night. Liara had gloves on, part of her combat outfit, when she had pulled the trigger. Though the gun still lay beside a broken body, it could not be traced to the asari. If anything, it would show up in Shepard's name, and she would take what blame, if any was to be assigned, for killing such an unsavory character.

As the door to their room opened, Shepard finally broke the long silence that had prevailed between them.

"Liara, get yourself cleaned up. Hell, I should, too…" she said, looking down on her own blood-splattered armor, "give me your clothes and we will wrap them all together. We'll burn them the first chance we get…"

Liara nodded, almost in a daze. Her knees were wobbly and she looked a bit pale.

"Liara, are you alright?"

The asari just stared.

With a guiding arm around her waist, Shepard helped Liara to a seat, letting her rest for a few moments.

"You just wait here until you feel a bit better. We'll talk soon…I should…I should wash myself as well." Shepard said.

As she made her way to the restroom, she turned and looked one last time at Liara. The young woman was sitting, her face expressionless and her hands resting on her knees. It was almost as if she didn't know what to do with herself.

"A hell of a lot to take in for one night…" Shepard said under her breath. She still felt an incredible guilt that gave her a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Biting her lip in regret at the fresh memory of what had transpired, she then turned and made her way to the shower.

Her armor came off easily, dropping to the ground with thumps as each piece came undone. The clothes underneath stuck to her flesh, glued with perspiration to her body. She stripped off what felt like a second-skin and made her way to the shower.

She let the hot water rain down upon her, superficially erasing the sins of that night. She saw a faint red color circling the drain, the evidence of murderous deeds now leaving her body, if not her mind. In that moment, she finally had a chance to reflect on what had happened. Standing beneath a stream of hot water, clouds of steam rising all around, she let her thoughts wander and memory wash over her.

She should feel better about this. She thought this would be a joyous moment. Alden Finch was dead, his organization broken, and the wrong done against her avenged. Yet, at what cost? She had left a trail of dead long before this night and now it had finally ended but not by her experienced and terrible hand. Instead Liara T'Soni, the woman she had grown to love and cherish, the one who she sought to protect had committed murder in her name. Was this righteous? Was this just? She didn't know. What had been such a sure and seemingly noble quest now, at its end, felt so empty.

She should feel better about this. She should feel happy. Then again, happy about another death? Another body? Wouldn't that make her sick? Maybe guilt was natural, the human feeling? Was it really guilt about Finch's death as well as all the others or was it because someone else had done the killing?

As her body was cleaned her mind still raced with second-guessing and conflicting emotions.

Her thoughts were broken with the sound of the sliding door that surrounded her opening. She heard careful feet pitter patter and then find their footing behind her on the shower's tile. Almost as if leaping, she felt Liara's arms around her, her embrace tight. The asari's head lay against the back of her own, allowing Shepard to hear the labored breathing of the one now holding onto her.

Another kind of rain could be felt now. Shepard could discern the warmth of tears running down Liara's face and onto her back, being quickly swept away by running water. Taking the asari's hands from around her body, she massaged them with her own, as if ritually washing them. They were spotless, without blemish. The acts they had done, the stains that were invisible to the eye, would never go away. Shepard knew all too well that kind of dirt and its permanence.

"Sheena," Liara said through struggled breaths, "please don't hate me. Please do not be angry with me…"

"What are you talking about? I am not angry with you at all..."

"You'll look at me differently now, won't you? You won't see me as being the same anymore…the one you fell in love with…"

"That's foolish talk. You are the very same person you always were…" with those words Shepard turned and grasped Liara, allowing the distraught women to nuzzle herself into her neck. Their two bodies were pressed against one another, offering comfort in a time that was confusing and trying for both.

"I did what I thought was right. I did what I had to prevent you…to prevent us from being hurt anymore. Was I right, Sheena? Was I?"

Shepard couldn't give an answer. Who was she to sit in judgment of this one's conscience?

"I wanted us both to be free. I wanted you to be avenged…your sister…those things that were done. I couldn't make them right…he had to die, didn't he?" Liara said.

Shepard sighed, her mouth unable to form words.

"It's going to be alright now? You're free aren't you?"

"Yes," Shepard said finally, "Yes, Liara. I am free. I have you and my heart and mind are free."

That answer seemed to suffice.

"I love you, Sheena Shepard" Liara said.

"I love you, too Doctor T'Soni"

Liara mustered a smile at the formality of Shepard's response.

For a time they just held each other, the only sound the water beating against them.

Eventually, they made their way back to the bed that they shared and rested in one another's arms. Both of them, unbeknownst to the other, was trying to think of some way to bring some happiness to their situation. They felt compelled to comfort the other, to heal the other in some way.

It was Shepard who finally took the initiative. She pulled Liara closer and kissed her on the forehead, letting her lips linger before pulling them away. She kissed her again, slightly lower than before and with a hand pulling the asari's head upwards. Her mouth went on a gentle trail downwards, just to the side of Liara's own mouth. She responded to Shepard, her lips parting slightly as if in anticipation.

Liara needed this. They needed this. As Sheena's lips finally pressed against her own, her yearning exploded into desperation. She rolled on top of the human, her tongue swirling in the other woman's mouth. She pulled back only when her body forced her to breath. Their eyes met at that moment and both faces expressed a deep desire for the other.

A thought interrupted the intensity of Liara's passion. Was Sheena ready for this? After all she had been through and the fact she had seemed unwilling to give her body for this purpose earlier…was it the wrong time?

"I…I don't mean to rush you…" Liara whispered.

"No," Shepard responded firmly, "it's time Liara. I want this. I want this to be for us so badly."

Liara nodded, a single hand brushing against Sheena's chest. For a moment, it looked as if the other woman winced.

"Just…" Shepard began, "Just…go slowly."

Shepard moaned softly as years of pain and fear were undone by the soft kisses and gentle hands of Liara. Tears welled up in her eyes, but not of sadness. A kind of pleasure she had never known was overcoming her in an act that for so long had been corrupted and ugly. Now, as the two women's bodies came together, sex was something beautiful and special, shared between people whose hearts were overflowing with love and affection.

Like a gentle tide the two bodies flowed one into the other. There were no more words, just sensations and sounds. Liara was so happy she could finally give back to Sheena, but she wanted to give more of herself to her lover, more than even her body could express.

Sliding herself upwards against Shepard's body, their faces met again.

"Sheena," Liara said, her words punctuated with short but deep breaths, "we've seen so much ugliness tonight. I experienced so much pain in your mind. I want to share my happiness with you…my peace and my joy…"

Shepard's eyes scanned the asari's face, trying to discern her meaning.

"I…I don't understand…" she said.

"I want us to become one tonight, with our bodies and our minds. I want to open myself, to overflow all of my love into you…to deposit my being in to yours so we are joined…"

"Are…are you sure, Liara?"

"I have taken in your sorrow; now let me soothe you with my bliss…"

Shepard nodded slowly, being still unsure of what was about to happen but willing to do anything the one above her said.

Liara propped herself up with her elbows, her hands now gently held Shepard's head. A soft light shone out from her face, her eyes went dark.

The familiar words were spoken.

"Embrace Eternity…"

Then Shepard felt it. The veil of the world lifted, and it felt as if the entire universe had been condensed into the space around their two bodies. Nothing else mattered, not the stars and planets and not the billions upon billions of others that lived. All there was were two people and the darkness of the world they lived in now passed.

There was light now, not harsh but gentle and soothing. Then, Shepard felt as if her mind exploded and she was drawn into a rushing stream. Every nerve in her body felt a superabundant and rapturous delight. She opened her eyes and saw only into Liara's own. There was nothing between them now, not even flesh.

It was almost too much. She didn't know how to react. She dug her fingers into Liara's back, not realizing she was tearing into her flesh in her ecstasy. Her legs, as if trying to hold onto something solid, wrapped around the other's torso. She opened her mouth but her sense of sound was muted, not even allowing her to hear her own screams. She had completely lost control of herself, and now relied totally on the asari above her to guide her through this wondrous experience.

Anger, hate, pain, anguish, all these things were being drawn out from so many open wounds. They were being filled by Liara herself, her very person. Everything good and pure in the young asari was overpowering everything ugly in Shepard.

Sheena didn't know how long their coming together lasted. All she remembered was returning to her senses and finding she was resting in Liara's arms, her breathing now slowed and relaxed.

"I thought I lost you there…" Liara said with a smile.

Shepard blinked as if testing her vision, still barely recovering from her heavenly journey.

"What…wow…" were the only words she could muster.

Liara laughed, a sweet and melodious sound.

"Ouch…" she said as Shepard ran her hands over her back.

"What did I…oh…I am so sorry!" Shepard said with surprise as she rose slightly and looked at the asari's back, now looking as if it had been savaged by some clawed beast.

"It was worth it my, love. It's lucky these walls are thick and windows sealed against vacuum or else the entire Citadel would've heard you…"

Shepard's blushed.

"I…I was that loud?"

Liara smirked. "I guess I am THAT good"

"Better than good." Shepard said breathlessly.

"Well, you build up a lot of tension being alone and waiting for that one special person. I guess I just couldn't control myself…"

"I had better keep a good eye on you…I am afraid you might grow bored of me with your appetite for such things…" Shepard said with a pout.

Liara drew Sheena closer and kissed her.

"No, it just means that I will be very demanding of your time…and just YOUR time. We asari can be particular and, as a young maiden, I have many more experiences I'd like to share with you…"

"I had better brace myself then…"

They laughed in unison.

Burrowed into one another, they soon drifted off to sleep. They would not wake for some time, dreaming of one another, perhaps even with one another.

They were one now. Liara was Sheena and likewise Sheena was Liara, parts of the others being imparted deep into one another. They could grow closer or could grow apart, but they could never dig out what was planted within that night.

What but death itself could tear them apart?

* * *

"Well, it's time we let it all out," Ashley said, "I think we have unfinished business with one another."

"I am always willing to work out stress. To test my reach and flexibility…" Garrus responded.

The two began their slow dance around each other, making a circle with their movement across the floor. The room was darkened but for a single light focused on the center of the room. Seeking to alleviate their burdens, both personal and professional, they had arranged this test of skill.

"A lot of wild shit tonight…" Ashley said.

"Yeah, I wonder what Liara and Shepard are doing…" Garrus said, his eyes narrowed as they continued their war-like ritual.

"I'm not wondering at all. Liara is the equivalent of a horny teenager with an experienced woman as her first girlfriend. Take a wild guess…"

"I'd prefer to take my first strike…"

With that, they gripped the two long staffs in their hands, now both prone to attack.

"Enjoy this Ashley. This is about as much action as you are going to get in awhile…" Garrus said with a smirk.

"Oh, I will. I'll be gentle with you. This won't be the last time you are thoroughly embarrassed…"

With that, the melee began, a flurry of blows and dodges. The battle would last long into the night, the victory of one over the other not as important as the friendship, however odd to themselves it may seem, they now would share.

Both friends and lovers would be put to the test in the days yet to come. The existence of both a testament to the vibrancy of life, the endurance of hope, and the will to resist enemies that could never know such.

* * *

**Note: It actually made me feel very sad to end this. Knowing what Bioware has done in the sequel by never giving the two lovers a moment to share in enjoyment of one another is a terrible thing to make these characters endure. If I could, I would drag out their love story for many thousands upon thousands of words more, but I fear even the most loyal reader would be overwhelmed by that.**

**I do intend to continue the story of this Shepard and Liara. Things will, by necessity, be different and harder to swallow. While Bioware may never consider my stories canon (though in my fantasy world they would!), in my little corner of the ME universe, there is always a single, silver strand that binds these two together, no matter what is yet to come.**

**The next phase of Liara and Sheena Shepard's romance begins soon.**

**Please review this story and let me know what you think. I am eager to hear your reactions.**

**~KL**


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